SNSUN

Every St Mary's seat can hold a person of up to 27 stone. The only chair related fan fatality came in the 2009-2010 JPT match against Norwich, when a 38 year old man developed deep vein thrombosis. The origins of Rickie's surname date back to Tudor times, when Dorothy of Maidenhead asked her husband "would you like some Lamb, Bert?" The original Ted Bates statue was voted #2 in Time Magazine's "funniest thing of all time" poll. It was just pipped to the title by Portsmouth FC's claim of signing Riquelme.

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain suffered from IBS as a child, he learned to run quickly by sprinting to the toilet. Francis Benali's 'tasche can be found in the British Museum next to the Sutton Hoo treasure. Bruce Grobbelaar's wonky legs routine when facing penalties was actually a medical condition linked to Parkinsons, brought about by stress. I taught Anthony Pulis everything he knows about football.

It wasn't salad cream Beasant dropped on his toe, it was tomato ketchup.

Lloyd James supplied the porno "drunk chicks go wild 4" for the team coach which was watched on the way to Deepdale, the resulting flood of man juice is why Kelvin Davis now has a lazy eye.

If we sign no centre backs this window, Seaborne would start alongside Fonte if I were gaffer with Jaidi and Martin as backup. However I do think we'll see a new CB come in.

Alright Stop - Corroborate evidence and listen, Barnard's back with a brand new intention, Something's got a hold of him tightly, Locked in a prison daily and nightly. Will it ever stop? Yo! I don't know. Judge drops the case? Then he'll go. Bottled, with a sneaking up boom Fighting the dude in a dingy club room Deadly, he should have walked away, Anything more than this is a felony, Love him or leave him, he'd better walk away. He'd better lay low, then the kid won't pay. If you gotta problem? Yo, I'll solve it. Check out me lawyerly credentials and I'll absolve it. Lee Lee Baby...

Sod him. He isn't Jonno quick anyway.

Middlesborough, Leicester, Leeds and Forest. Leeds will only get stronger, Boro had a good finish to the season and should have done so much better with the players they have, Leicester are strong and can attract big names, and Forest will always be there or there abouts. The others? Not so much.

Sign Cork, and we're fast becoming the team that signs ex-players' sons. First Pulis Jr, then Chamberlain Jr, now Cork Jr. Anyone I'm missing on that list?

Would be a fantastic signing. Was our best player when I saw Crystal Palace beat us 3-0 in our relegation season at Selhurst Park. But if it's in the papers, it won't happen...

Meh. Gives us more time to tie up the Skacel deal.

I loves a good strike I do. Bob Crowe is my hero. (As a member of London Underground, I would like to point out to all my lovely customers that this is the Muppet Show and I was going for a joke, and in no way do I believe striking is the definitive way to get what we want, as it inconveniences the customers something rotten, and I spend my entire working life trying to make sure the customers have a good time on the Tube. I loves YOU all.)

Although I hear Bob Herpes could really do a job for us.

I once bought some Orange Juice from our milkman when I lived at my parents. I won't be making that mistake again. Foulsome stuff. I couldn't employ the services of a milkman even if I wanted to. My front door opens onto a major pavement of a major road, and quite often we have had our rubbish booted into the street. I wouldn't cry over spilt milk, but I would want to crack the head open of the person that kicked it.

- Having to get up at 4am for work. - Getting told by my dad that my gran's been admitted to ITU at Wexham Park and is "on her last legs". - Every customer I've had to deal with since I received that news that has irked me in some way. - The peach in my packed lunch today, which is rotten. (and I was looking forward to it too!)

There once was a player called Lee Who went to a club in the city. He bottled some dude Who he thought had been rude Then pulled a Southampton-based fitty.

Chelsea.

So what went on with Jay Tabb? It says he was sent off at half time but wasn't even playing. Can they make subs? Ten men? Etc.

Antonio not even on the bench today fOr Reading.....

I semm to remember they won 5-0 the week before with Phillipe Albert scoring a chip. MLT doing the same capped a pretty bad fortnight for Schmeichel.

Seems like Fergie is planning a big clear out in the summer. Dropping the Premiership's top scorer (I say that without checking fo sho) from the entire squad more or less ends his career there. (I'm really not suggesting him as a signing!) IMO we should go for Fabio or Raphael. Then when one gets shyte and out of form, we sneak the other in as a swap.

When we sign Messi this summer, we'll have to change the lyrics anyway...

Just over ten years ago, Man City were in the third tier of English football. Granted they got massive investment, but now they are FA Cup winners and a top 4 club, with aspirations of winning the League. If they can do it, so can we. OK, we may not ever have the money that has been ludicrously (imo) been pumped into their team, but with sound investment and the nurturing of the youngsters, I don't see why we can't achieve the same. People are under predicting our finish next season IMO (and rightly so, it's better to be pleasantly suprised than disappointed). I genuinely think we'll be top 6 material, we can do a Norwich, we just have to believe the players can do it. Early next season will be an indication, but with the transfers we'll undoubtedly make this summer (and hopefully holding on to our key starlets), we'll go far. Since supporting Saints, I can honestly say I don't think my cup has ever been more than half full, but it is now. Barcelona? HAH! 2013-2014 Champions League, we're coming for you.

Lee Barnard has a nice bottom. Am I right?