SNSUN

Pullis Jr: Dad, I need some help. Pulis Sr: What's that son? Pulis Jr: Saints released me, and no-one else is stupid enough to take me on. Pulis Sr: Wow that's a bugger isn't it. Pulis Jr: Yep. Soooooooo, I was wondering, any chance of a contract at Stoke? Pulis Sr: Mmmmmmmmwahahahahaha... (7 hours later) ...hahahahaha! Erm no. But Maccy D's are recruiting...

Bit of Airdale in there imo

Sol

Deserved

With much bollocking from my missus I am reliably informed my wedding next year is the 9th June, not the 8th. I won't live that mistake down for a while...

I was working at Heathrow tonight so it wasn't me. Ignorant Americans thought my "I love SFC" badge meant I was declaring my love for Southern Fried Chicken. Fat Bastards.

May 16th, 23:27. (Or, to cover my arse, June 8th, my wedding date next year.)

What are Barnard's favourite sweets? Jail-Lee babies! Getting coat...

Terror

As a kid, I recon I was about 8 or 9, I was walking down the road at night with my mum and we saw what looked like a dog lying on the pavement. On closer inspection it was a man, still breathing but unconciouss. Whilst wondering whether to call an ambulance, I saw a note tucked into a clear pocket on his jacket that said "Attention, I am an epileptic, please do not move me or put anything in my mouth, I will come round eventually, just make me as confortable as possible." or words to that effect. After getting a householders attention, we covered him with a blanket and when he did come round, the householder made him a cup of tea. It seems like an everyday thing now, but at the age of 8/9 it was quite scary. At work I used to be a first aider, and people fall down the escalators all the time, like they're flipping lemmings. One such incident I had to deal with was a lady who had fallen backwards and cracked her head open on the edge of the step (solid metal). I ran for the first aid kit, whipped out whatever gauze and bandages I could find, and tried to stem the flow of blood which was gushing from her head. It was a massive cut and there was very little I could do for her. Eventually the paramedic that rides his bike around Heathrow was first on the scene, and he did his best to cover the cut but it wouldn't stop bleeding. The paramedic sent her to hospital, and I felt sorry for her, but she missed her dream holiday to South Africa. I hope she was insured. I was covered in blood! Gross.

I don't think they'll be too much of a threat next season. Relegation will hurt them hard, many of their better players will leave as they'll still want to play in the Premiership, and West Ham will have to conjure up a few miracle signings to be a force. Unlike some clubs like WBA, West Ham had invested for bigger things, next season could be a matter of consolidation for them. Blackpool will drop too, their last day decider of Man Utd (albeit at Old Trafford) echoes our last game in the Premiership, and they'll be joined by either Wigan or Birmingham, though I feel that will come down to goal difference. (Wigan's match at Stoke though is winable, Stoke have nothing to play for now, Tottenham, Brum's opponents, do).

In Memoriam - Master Bates. Deppo is pretty funny tbf. They say all the Ugly blokes develop their sense of humour better. This is true, in my case.

Anything over a million would be ok, but I'd be quite happy to lower the fees a bit just to get rid of the egotistical, big-headed, self-loving phucker.

Great news imo. Managerial stability is what this club has been lacking for a while and kudos to Cortese for taking the risk and to Adkins for believing he can bring us success. Yes question marks may remain over his transfer nous, as we haven't seen that yet really, but we're a club on the up with a good young manager that other clubs can't pilfer on the cheap, and if he does get us to the Premiership, the same questions asked of Paul Lambert's future shouldn't be asked of Adkins. Looking forward to the future.

Bags of goals in the nPC play-offs thus far. Lol League One will show them how to do it.

mmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! Hope they get him. >>

Our target is to get into the Premiership in the next couple of years, and we can do that so much better with Chamberlain in the team. That said, I'm sure even Cortese would be tempted with £12 million and a loan back clause, or whatever stupid money is being offered, although we are not Arsenal's effing feeder club, so they can nosh off.

Nah, Stewie from Family Guy, surely?!

He looks as if he's not paying 100% attention, which makes me wonder who's sucking him off under the table...

Nathan Dyer, Garry Monk, Dexter Blackstock, David McGoldrick, Paul Smith, Alex Pearce, Brian Howard, Matt Mills, Michail Antonio, Nicolas Bignall. Did I miss anyone?

I'm usually pretty wasted if I eat in TGI's, but the last time I was in the Piccadilly Circus TGI's, our main came out before our starter. They apologised, brought out cremated potato skins (which must've been sitting under the hotlamp for ages), then after replacing them with freshly cooked potato skins, brought out the mains that had been brought out fifteen minutes earlier. I won't be going back. Independant resteraunts would kill for our trade...

Sent off and there wasn't even one minute on the clock! That player will be getting some hate mail from Swansea fans if they don't go up...

nPC: Want Cardiff to go up as they are definitely the strongest team, think Reading may do it. League One: Want Bournemouth to come up with us but think Peterborough and Huddersfield will do it - though it's too close to call. Depends which Peterborough defence shows up... Premiership: I'd like to see us joined by Blackpool (because Holloway is a cockle), West Brom (the perrenial boing boing), and West Ham (for lolz).

Is Matthew Pinsent as ugly as he looks on TV?