Whitey Grandad

With conical gravestones.

You luck barsteward. I came downstairs yesterday morning to find water dripping from my lounge ceiling. My central heating diverted valve has sprung a leak and I won’t get a replacement until later this afternoon. Then it’s got to be fitted after draining down the system

That’s the responsibility of the fourth official. Sadly they have very little option for sanctions.

back in the days when I used to be still active I got chatting to a young mum who said that she really enjoyed having a go at the ref when her young lad was playing. I told her that her behaviour was shameful and she just said "It's all part of the fun innit?"

So what? This is only a matter of your opinion. Most players haven't got a clue about the Laws of the Game and if they win a free kick it's the only thing they're going to get going for them all weekend.

It can't

That’s because McCarthy is not as good.

This is my specialist subject. I would never underestimate the Chinese.

You have been watching some other keeper. Are you really, seriously blaming him for any of those goals at Man City?

I don’t think you understand the range of complexities involved. It’s one thing to be able to make these things, quite another to be able to design a complex one.

If those were the targets then they’re not very good at hitting them.

I liked him. But that means nothing.

Decide upon your best team and stick to it. Don’t make multiple changes for every games.

We have no way of knowing. There are too many potential suspects

So you think that Ukraine is responsible for damaging the bridge?

You do realise that the Ukrainians had nothing to do with this? Your fellow Russians couldn’t even blow up their own bridge properly. But that was probably the whole idea.

We have to start somewhere.

Indeed we all do. And that’s exactly what we’re all complaining about.

Exactly. And that’s what’s wrong with this so-called democratic system of ours.

And has time for improvement.McCarthy is not going to get any better.

They lost 4-0 at Man City too.

And a Happy Hallowe’en to you too!

I’d give him two fingers.

My iPad Mini that I bought recently has a USB-C plug.

If only poor old Vlad had checked first. He doesn’t realise that I signed four pieces of paper a couple of weeks ago declaring that these four regions now belonged to the little-known realm of Whiteygrandadland.