Whitey Grandad

It's the position of the player receiving that matters, not the direction of the pass. You cannot be offside if, amongst other things, at the time the ball is kicked you are behind the ball, in your own half, not nearer to the goal than the second to last defender, from a throw-in, corner or goal-kick. It doesn't have to be a worm-hole. Rabbit holes, badger setts, sewage pipes are equally as good.

I never clean them. That's not in my job description.

Originally the kick had to be taken from the correct side. The option was introduced 'to save time'.

At Atlanta airport in the 80s they had driverless trains, and may still have them. Originally they had natural sounding announcements but changed them to robotic ones by popular demand.

Christmas. You've reminded me.

Aren't modern transport systems driverless? No wonder.

£7 or £8. If I want them to cut more than one hair it's a bit dearer.

Sack 'em.

And if you lived in Chichester, for example, would you still have been pleased to be in Southampton?

That would mean never drinking or never driving. Ever.

They might take umbrage.... I'll get me coat.

These restrictions only apply to whites, hereafter to be referred to as 'non-blacks'. Next year we'll all have to use a different expression.

Is that where you get a Pompey supporter on the ground and pour buckets of cold water over him?

It's best to keep it down to half a pint and sip it very slowly. Zero limit is not workable, I believe there are medical conditions that can give rise to alcohol in the blood. On a wider debate, there are drivers who are perfectly sober who are a danger to others and a heavy cold or flu can lead to reaction times that are far worse than those caused by alcohol. Whatever you do, don't try to push the limit. When I was a student I found that two mouthfuls of beer were enough to ruin my speed at table football so I know what effects it can have. I'm told that there is a pub here in Hamble where some time ago the police would go into the car park and spray the number plates so that they could identify the cars when they were driving up the road later. This has now been discontinued. Around the same time my colleague was leaving Hamble when he and every other driver was pulled into the car park next to the school. This wasn't even random testing, this was universal breathalysing.

But a perfectly valid excuse. Since it was a sell-out I suppose those that organised it will call it a success. It's a terrible indictment of modern Britain.

Except for those who wanted to go but could not/would not because of the restrictive and impractical ticket arrangements. It seems that those who used the bubble were quite happy with it but those who couldnt go because of it aren't, which is obvious really.

Smashing their knuckle to pulp with hammers, stripping them naked and clingfilming them to the nearest trees would be too good for them.

Now please don't exaggerate. Time immemorial dates from 3rd September 1189 and the Falklands have been continuously British since 1833. Argentina's independence was not recognised by Spain until 29th April 1857. We don't need aircraft carriers there now that we have a proper airfield.

Parts of the thick-film control circuits for the Exocets were made in Havant.

Write in english. If they are trying to trace you all the way over here then the least that they can do is to translate them themselves. I didn't think they could pursue fines in the UK. I'm doing italian evening classes but I think I would get you into even more trouble if I tried. I could ask Laura to translate it for you but my next lesson is January 11th. Have you tried Suewhistle? She lives out near there, it may be in Switzerland but it's close.

Good, so all we need to do now is sit back and wait.

5 would be too many.

Every top score is usually the one who takes the penalties. That's what makes them top scorers. Ian Wright, Alan Shearer, Ruud Van Nistelroy....

And drying their nail varnish. (It's mainly women who do this, BTW)

He was a nice chap, a great loss, and I doubt we shall ever get the true story, but he was in a different assembly. Weren't we already dribbly dems by then?