Midfield_General

Two wrongs don't make a right, Matthew. Now go and sit in the corner and think about what you've done. And stop telling tales.

Who is this Lingaard person, Matthew? I’ve heard of Lingard, but not Lingaard. Who is he? Can you explain who this player is please, citing sources?

Sekou Mara video:

Greta Thunberg’s let herself go

Jesus, don’t encourage him

Isn’t it just likely that because we were utter dog shit for the final third of the season, losing 10 of our last 13 league games, he just looked around him and thought ‘yeah, I can be part of a much better team than this’?

Yeah and there was also that godawful advert on Power FM with some load of twats singing a cringeworthy song about the spirit of Southampton

Tony Cascarino. We thought we'd got him, only for him to change his mind and sign for Celtic at the last minute. Which in turn inspired an Ugly Inside cover and headline 'Cascarino opts for Celtic' above a picture of one of these:

If we play our cards right in the negotiations I think we could make KWP the game's first billion pound player

Yep. Pretty sure the reason he’s wearing that shirt is that Djenepo is a fellow Malian and they’re probably mates. Every report and search result says Palace. Would be nice to be wrong though.

Exciting. Anyone know the logic behind such a low fee if he’s considered to have this much potential? 9-10m seems like nothing in this market. Did he only have a year left?

Bazunu - ooowaaooh Bazunu - ooowaaooh He came from Man City He f*ckin hates Pompey There you go, you can have that for free. Do I win a prize?

Stekelenburg was an odd one. If it looked one he should save, he did. If you thought ‘that’ll probably go in’, it did. Can’t remember him making a single memorable save, but can’t remember any real errors either. Never won us games, never lost us them. Wasn’t particularly great or particularly poor at crosses, coming off his line, distribution or organisation. Just a 6.5/10 every week, like a pot of grey paint wearing gloves.

If wasting money gets you a striker who scores 19 goals a season, then I for one hope we waste some more before August.

I think you’ll find it’s spelt Le Havre. Honestly, don’t you check these things?

Fun fact: in 2005-06 season we had eight keepers on the books - Niemi, Bialkowski, Miller, Smith, Blayney, Poke, Andrew MacNeil and Zak Jones.

I remember the Sky mic clearly picking up what Warnock said as he grudgingly shook Nigel's hand at the end: "How the fook did you win that?" Which was a fair question, to be honest.

Yep. Up there with some of MLT's one-man-shows, for sure.

Here are six things to appreciate at 1:16, 2:06, 2:07, 3:18, 3:54 and 4:52. Super, Super Kelv!

Why don’t you understand the concept of a pre-season training camp? It’s genuinely bizarre.

It's pre-season training, not a skiing holiday in the alps. Would you rather they were 'punished' by not being asked to train?

I'm not saying it's impossible that he goes - far from it. But unless there's a release clause, there's not a chance in hell that Levy is paying what JWP would cost with 4 years left on his contract. If he goes, I think it will be to a 'more money than sense and desperate to be seen to be progressing at almost any cost' type of club. Somewhere where he'll get in the side, where they're prepared to pay the over-inflated transfer fee that we'd need in order to justify the sale, and where they can override any concerns about quality by turning his head with ludicrous wages. Like Newcastle, for example.

You’ve just made up that scenario so no, I wouldn’t have thought so.

Terrified to be on the same pitch as Liverpool’s reserves. That’s where we are now.