1976_Child

I will. Domestically, can't stand them. But on the European stage I always want the English clubs to do well and the stage doesn't get any bigger than this.

Come on Stevenage! Be nice to see them get into division three for the first time in their history. Torquay are a bunch of inbred westerners so they can suck my balls. Peterborough to win. Nicer away venue. One of the prettiest towns on the circuit, good pubs and restaurants. Made some friends up there this season, nice people - not that Udders aren't. Reading to beat the Welsh. Enough said. Although it would really **** off Cardiff which is always good sport.

feking cheeky norf larrrnderners. Deppo has it right. We should mobilize and drive them back to London. If we give them an inch, they'll take a mile and soon be recruiting for their wood-pecker army at the gates of St Mary's. Sod off yer knob heads

QK Southampton? Should we be worried? Not certain we should allow a southampton-based rival to play at SMS. Cortese got this one wrong, imho.

On a crisp winter's day - not a cloud in the sky! - standing atop Tennyson Down looking out across the Channel. One of the most perfect settings in the world.

Is it true that A-Rabs always wipe with their left hand?

No I was not. They just thought it would be a laugh. One of them is an B&H Albion fan. Explains it all really. Still, I got my own back. While they weren't looking I chucked all their pug away. They had to go get the mixer out and start over again!! Knob heads. Serves them right.

I went for a large bag of Walkers ready salted. 99p. Can't beat the originals.

or, just pull up your y-fronts, squeeze yer cheeks together. Then inspect. If you see annal residue smeared onto your cotton undies then you should probably have wiped.

I've been in one when the c-unting brickies pushed it over. Ha feking ha. Faking retarded non-jobbers. Ooo we're so clever! We can stack bricks on top of each other! Turd pots.

I'm just about to settle down to watch 8 episodes of season six of The West Wing back to back. I need crisps. Am just about to go to the shop to buy some. Which flavour should I buy?

Dune - nice looking spaniel! How old is he?

"The bride looks absolutely delightful. But then that's not saying much because [mate's name]'s last girl friend was a complete dog" "The average marriage last for only 4 years. So I'm going to keep this speech in a safe place for next time [mate's name] asks me to give it" turning to the bride.. "you are to be congratulated on obeying the golden rule of weddings. Never choose a bride's maid who is better looking than you. Well done. They are all dogs!"

Good. ****ing throw the ****ing book at the ****ing clamper piece of ****. ****ing arseholes.

The whole debate about genes versus environment is relevant to this. Aussie Aboriginals (before being 'westernised') had amazing eye sight. They were used to looking out at the horizon in a landscape that would go on, and on for ever. Where as rainforest pigmies had poor long sight as the muscles around the eye were more used to keeping the eye focused on near objects and hardly had the need to focus on the horizon. I doubt anyone has been offended by this scientific discovery. However, when a scientist conducts proper research using the empirical method to determine whether and why African kids are, on average, less competent at mental arithmetic than Chinese kids all hell breaks lose. But there is very good evidence that that is indeed the case. Why would it be so? I for one do not believe it is because of genes but because of the cultural differences. Closer to home, why do middle class white kids from leafy suburbs have, on average, a much better reading ability then inner-city black kids their same age? Maybe because to the black kid growing up on a mean estate the idea of reading is considered 'wimpy'. My point - don't chuck the baby out with the bath water. It should be perfectly ok to discuss cultural and environmental differences to how different human groups 'evolve' with out the PC brigade automatically assuming that every scientist working in that area of research is a card-carry nazi.

Since I changed my diet to include a lot more salad I am finding that my expenditure on loo paper has gone down by about a third. When I used to eat a lot of grease mush I would have to wipe at least four times to get it all off. Now I am down to an easy two wipes, sometimes three if my hemorrhoids burst. I would be interested to know what the average number is?

Anyone who has been to East Africa will know that the kids run up to you saying 'Muzungu! Give me money'. Muzungu means 'White man' in Swahili. It is used in the pejorative. Now, if I am strolling down Brixton High Street what would people think if I went up to someone and said 'Negro! give me money!' Not sure I would last very long. Just throw that out there... racism cuts both ways.

I've always believed that very few people are truly racist - the 'my genes are better than your genes', Aryan Super Race type of racism. Most 'paki bashing' (if you will excuse the phrase) is much more a cultural thing. When cultures rub up along side each other and have little in common or are even critical of attributes of the other then there will naturally be tensions which will express themselves in what might appear 'racist'. Here's an example. Why do the Indians and Pakistanis hate each other so much? It ain't because of skin colour, hair style or genes. It is because of cultural issues.

Pompey are sh!te. ..... my monthly contribution to this record-setting thread.

Nah. Earl Grey. Or if one must drink common tea, then only Yorkshire Gold will do. Mind you, the window cleaner only gets PG. Wouldn't waste the good stuff on a prole.

feking Nazi. Kennel Club = SS. Kennel Clubbers would think nothing of sticking a pencil in a hound's hair and seeing if, upon vigorous shaking, it stays there. Kennel Clubbers are just faking breedist. You're the sort of owner who would happily - joyfully! - herd non-KC hounds into ghettos, load them onto cattle-carts and send them to houndshwitz.

I couldn't give a two tonne sh-it if someone calls a mixed race person a 'mongrel'. But if you call my half-whippet, half-collie a mongrel I'll beat the living cr-ap outta you. She's the most beautiful hound in all Christendom.

His best gaff was when he visited a steel band comprised of deaf children. After smiling at them while they played he turned to the teacher and quipped: "I'm not surprised they're deaf after that racket!" Feking quality! A national treasure!

Denmark has banned Marmite! I am OUTRAGED! I just sent this email to the Danish Ambassador. He can be reached at lonamb@um.dk I urge other Marmite fans to contact him also. This is a disgusting slight to Blighty! ---- Dear Ambassador, Since Denmark has banned the Great British breakfast spread, Marmite I have decided to boycott Danish bacon and Lurpak butter in protest at this most unfair discrimination! Marmite has been feeding the British for more than 100 years. There is nothing wrong with it! Further, I have removed from my bookshelf my well-read copy of Hamlet and the complete works of Hans Christian Andersen. They have been relegated to a cardboard box until this injustice is resolved. I used to enjoy a Danish bacon buttie, with Lurpak butter. Washed down with a pint of Carlsberg! No longer! If your country wishes to play food nationalism, so be it! We Marmite lovers will not be insulted in this way! With the up-most sincerity, 1976 Child (well, I used my real name), Hove, East Sussex.

cheerios. or left over pasta.