scotty

Also Al-Megrahi and Lockerbie.

This is the type of post I like. Straightforward, clear, no room for misunderstanding. We should have more like this.

These are the first words barry s has ever posted that I find myself in full and wholehearted agreement with. Good work son.

True story, I used to use a removal company called Mr Shifter. Was so disappointed to discover they only employed humans.

Well thats five minutes I wont get back. Talk about circular arguments....

My immediate reaction on hearing it. Its a wum on a plsstake, those phone in stations get them all the time.

Think he was Player of the year at Villa, wasnt he?

Can somebody please say "Statement of intent" and get it over with? TIA

That actually is a disaster. I didnt see it, still at work, wtf happened?

this.

My mrs is italian, and the first time she took me to meet her parents her mother snapped something I didnt understand, but took to be uncomplimentary. Turned out she'd said "he's nice, but too skinny", which is true (5'9" and back then a little under 8 stone.) To her eternal credit, the mother in law took it on herself to feed me up, I put on 2 stone in 2 years and genuinely enjoyed the food which was invariably shoved in front of me the moment I walked in their door. Stabilised now at 10 and a half stone, which feels about right. God bless italian cooking.

Russia has offered residency to Gerard Depardieu, but will he actually move there? Who nose.

How ugly are you, Spud? I always reckon that a beard is only really an asset on plug-ugly blokes. If you're reasonably presentable you don't need it and shouldn't have it. Good luck with the jobsearch, btw.

Keeps getting worse, this. The "53 year old from Hampshire" is a bit to close for comfort tbh.

Stop putting things off all the time. Not until 2014, obviously.

How sick are you? I feel sure you'll last the next 26 minutes (© Mrs Scotty)

2560 x 1920. Had a new phone for Christmas.

Australian tv presenter in his 80's questioned by the police, who refuse to name him. He denies everything. Insists he didn't didgeri-do it.

Easily identifiable by his extra leg.....

I hope the police don't accuse him of doing two little boys, back in the day.

Is that your PIN number then?

Wasn't there a health website called http://www.therapist.com? Sure I remember an article about the most unfortunately-named sites a while back.

Man Utd players are baffled by Alex Ferguson's sudden change of pre-match tactics. Instead of the usual fiery pep-talk, he's just giving them a cigarette each before leading them out of the tunnel and saying in a low voice "This is it, lads. Over the top."

The idiot didn't get sent off though, did he. Or concede a penalty. And Stoke didn't score from that attack, did they.