Deppo

Dear *************, Thank you for your harrowing PM. I am shocked and horrified by the traumatic rape that you say that you endured, as described in your PM. I really don't know how you can go on with life after suffering at the hands of a group of 30 male Portsmouth fans. In response to your question: yes, I would absolutely urge you to report it to the authorities RIGHT NOW. And I would add that I am very surprised at your reticence to report it when you are so forthcoming in reporting harmless and fun posts on Saints Web without even a thought. Good luck and my thoughts are with you, Dr Deppo.

Oh go on then, let's put Bart in goal. Why not give him a try? We can always try for promotion next season.

Me too.

The fact who threw a lot out is not the point. Just to remind you: his kicking his poor. And there was plenty of it yesterday.

That was a euphemism. I am suffering from anal trauma.

No, don't be lewd. My outbox has now crashed.

I like you Verbal, but that PM you sent me was disgusting. I suggest you visit your local GP. Please do not send me photographs in future or I will report you.

Dear ***********, You need to follow your heart. But if it really upsets you to admit who you are, have you considered aversion therapy? I hear it is working well for Durleyfos. Kind regards, Dr Deppo.

Wendy Toms? I thought that they were shouting it at me!

Me and the team are discussing you're feedback

SuperMikey, me and the team are discussing your problem. I promise you, yours will be the very next PM that I respond to on here. I just want to make sure you are given the best possible advice.

My inbox has crashed.

I saw this satirical Tweet yesterday: Get the flares out lads, we're beating League One Southampton!

Rubbish effort

I am getting a lot of PM's but I would prefer it if someone other than Baj would PM me asking to help with his erectile disfunction.

Anagram: 'Aint B Silly?'

Will you please sleep with me? I will play the man, if you like.

I would be happy to receive your PM'd regarding trouble with your intimate relationships. Any PM's i receive will be posted back on this thread with a response but with the names changed and dealt with in the strictest confidence, such as this one: Jeff, thank you for your PM. May I call you Jeff, or would you prefer I call you Mr Le Taxi? I refuse to answer your PM, because you are not being honest with me. I know it is true what you said about never having had sex, but friends? People on a stupid internet messageboard are not friends. My advice is to start being honest with yourself, before you try and be honest with anyone else. PM me when you have achieved this, then I will help you further. Kind regards, Dr Deppo (not a real Doctor).

Ottery, I have always wondered, are you completely mental?

Respect has to be earnt. We didn't win yesterday. We are in League 2. Apart from this season and a bit of last season we have played sh*t for years and don't deserve any respect for getting relegated twice into League 1. We have had a great youth team but have always sold or released decent players, many of which are still in the premiership long after we disappeared and we replaced them with tripe. We don't deserve any respect for that either. We had two dutch clowns in charge, managers like Stuart Gray, Steve Wigley and Redknapp and Lowe and Wilde making us look like complete suckers and we don't deserve any respect for that. We sacked Pardew for no official reason and although Cortese might have a good reason we never knew it and we don't deserve any respect for that. The fans on here boo decent players like Puncheon, Fuller and Davis until they are sore in the throat because most of our fans know nothing about football and we start threads like 'Has Adkins lived up to your expectations?' after about two games in charge and no pre-season and we don't deserve respect for that. People genuinely believe that we will hire Martin O'Neill and Michael Owen and say that Lambert is better than Torres and we don't deserve respect for that. Need I continue? We will only be respected when we are in the Premiership and we beat decent premiership teams or we win a cup or all three. Do any of you honestly respect Man Utd? Or Chelsea, despite all they have won over the years? Southampton won the FA Cup once over thirty years ago. Sure, bigger clubs steal our decent young players, but then we do it to other clubs too. Sure, Portsmouth spent money they didn't have to win the FA Cup but we spent money we didn't have too and came about 24 away from going out of existance, and we didn't even win the FA Cup. So many Saints fans are completely deluded. Get it into your heads, other players, managers and fans don't give a flying f*ck about Southampton. Just as we don't about any other clubs. We abuse Brighton fans, we abuse Bournemouth fans, they have struggled and deserve our respect for what they have achieved this season. Do we show them respect? Do we f*ck. Stop being such crybabies. I am ashamed to be a saints fan sometimes. You are all more annoying than Michael Owen is or ever possibly could be.

I'm sorry, that was hurtful.

That wasn't sarcasm. If I'd have said, "That's a shame, I wish you had more to say on the matter as your posts are fantastically interesting and everybody on the internet really looks forward to them", that would have been sarcasm.

Saint dane.

Please God, let that be the case forever hereafter.