Deppo

Everyone who agrees with me is an arsehole.

It would be awful if St Chalet accidentally forget to reinstate dune tomorrow. Really, really awful if he only remembered on Tuesday.

If he's listened to any Rapid Vienna games on the radio, he'll be an expert on him.

You shipment of arse-plugs have arrived. Shall I send them back then?

I saw Jimmy Case in the White Star last night. He was chatting to his mate, who had the biggest ears I have ever seen.

All united fans are from hastings

Sorry, forgot to hide the name. Here it is again, asterixs included.

Dear **********, I suggest you PM the following person: http://www.saintsweb.co.uk/member.php?52-Jillyanne Thanks to her, there is now no longer any such thing as 'too ugly'. Kind regards, Deppo

My favourite Clive Tyldesley slip-ups from yesterday: 1. When Morgan Schneiderlin played a great lateral pass and he called him "Morgan Freeman". 2. Every time he tried to say "Danny Butterfield", he ended up saying "Danny Bummerfield". 3. When he said "The batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willy". 4. When he split an infinitive early in the second half: "Saints are favourites to definitely get promoted this year". Haha! What a twot! 5. When he stopped commentating for 6 minutes in the first half and there was dead air and then he came back on and "Sorry about that, I had to turn over the tape. I'm just loading up Daley Thompson's Decathlon on the Amstrad to play against Adrian Chiles after this game finishes." 6. When he started swearing after he bit into a really hot apple pie. 7. When he asked Gordon Strachan to tuck his mic pack into his trousers.

It depends. Are you male or female? Regards, Deppo

I've changed my mind. Michael Owen should have spent his entire interview saying how great Southampton are compared to everything else.

(He does this because it makes him feel like a man again)

Davis hasn't scored any goals for Saints yet and he's played loads of games.

Interestingly, the stats show that whenever I have had a Beef Chow Mein Pot Noodle and a Strawberry Pop Tart (to dip in it) for breakfast, Saints have won. That's what the stats say, and you can't argue with stats. Therefore I deduce that we must play well as a result of my breakfasting habits.

I'm pretty sure Lindegaard will play every game for United for the rest of the season. Van der Saar has been dropped.

Maybe Wendy Toms doesn't have the sort of self esteem issues that would make a woman laugh at that?

Did we win?

This is true, especially if they play their 2nd team for every remaining game this season.

He's busy going up to people in the street and telling them what he thinks of them. Give him time.

Dear *****_****, You are beyond help. Kind regards, Deppo (PhD)

He does the washing up.

Those I liked.

I blame Martin Atkinson.

I went up to the fella that was causing trouble and told him to his face, "You are an aggressive c*nt, mate. We don't want your sort around here. There is no room for violence in the modern game." Then he tried to start on me so I punched him in the face and kicked him when he was down. Then some old ladies and families that were walking past said, collectively, "Yeh, we hate violent c*nts like you!" Then they kicked him too and spat on him and one of the old ladies done a wee on his head.

Can someone do a funny joke about Skacel please?