rallyboy

we spend half our lives on here seeking out new ways to repeat the obvious to the dim, but it has to be said again.... If Birch is appealing the points deduction it means he is declining the offer of the Golden Share. That was the deal, the two come together. By stating he is trying to overturn it means he is refusing the conditions offered for FL membership. He's a tit. But we knew that when he said there wouldn't be a points penalty, when it was obvious to even the thickest people that it was nailed on. This new plucky battle should go as well as AA reinstating their European campaign - far easier than doing the job you are there for. More hollow PR when it's action that is needed, but if you are earning hundreds of pounds for every day you delay, then why not fill yer boots.

if they do manage to record three administrations in five years do they get to keep the trophy? - as well as all of the money that belongs to other people. If so they'll run out of space around the crest for those little celebratory stars, the ones that incorporate a picture of a bloke in a striped jumper and a mask, wrestling pocket money from a kid in a wheelchair. Come on poker boy Ben Haim - Birch is at the table with a Joker and Miss Bunn the Baker's daughter, whereas you have a watertight contract. Raise him...

I believe they will start the season. But I'm not sure how Birchy is physically going to complete a deal this week... He's had fricking ages to sort the players, why drag it out until now? Unless of course you are on a VERY healthy daily rate - then there is no need to rush. Step forward the hero who pulled it out of the bag at the last moment, the man who went right to the edge of his fees before saving the day! The administrator's bill is going to go right down to the wire, plus Vat. But how will he cram all that in this week? The amount of work required for a new owner to make sure he doesn't get saddled with Kanu's legal claim or the deferred wages, let alone the fantasy compromise agreements already agreed, must be absolutely enormous and not possible in the timescale. And that's before you factor in the Tyrekicking Trust bothering him on the phone every day. I forsee lots of quotes this week about being 'nearly there' or 'positive talks' and 'a few sticking points'. As for UnAppy, he is obviously UnAware of anything. And well done to the few for their massive march before the Bolton game! - or was that just the Dave Clark Five out shopping?

I heard a bit on the news last night in the other room and at first I thought it was the Olympic stadium cheering Ennis through her 800m, but after reading the match report I realise that it was in fact the noise of the amazing 4,500 fans at fortress fatpipe. Now, one expects poor gates for a pointless friendly....BUT to big-up a handful of people knocking around a crumbling stadium as the most passionate etc is both desperate and deluded in the extreme. We too have low gates for hollow friendlies - but no one spins it to fool dim people. Anyway, if we pretend Kanu's legal claim doesn't exist, it looks like it all boils down to Ben Haim, the man abused by his own fans at Aldershot, just to assist the negotiating process... Complicated scenario warning - AA has to accept on the player's behalf that his wages will be paid to pompey in full via PPs over the next two years, but pompey want to keep those wages, to give AA's other client..... Likely press statement by midweek? Ben Haim does a deal, and is welcomed back to hero status. In reality? Birch offers him money that Tal will NEVER get. Birch won't be there when it is due and doesn't give a flying fatpipe whether these current brokered deals are honoured or not - he might as well be getting them to agree to lease light industrial units on the moon. There you go mate, £2M to be paid sometime, later, with a vague date...sign there. Result - Birch is a hero, the football creditor rules are bent over further than Avram's housemaid, all former plucky bestest players are heroes, the few claim victory, ticker tape parade, bus tour, the glory continues, coaching genius UnAppy's battling troops take on the world as he unveils his hot targets and delves into a hefty promotion warchest. Much chest-thumping, lots of tiresome spin, the Trust waits in the wings with its tenner.......final PP payments and next administration looms on the horizon.

We've been in the Velodrome today! Wow! - well worth the 4.30am alarm. The Olympics has delivered on every level. Seb is da man. Even the most miserable non-sports fan must see the benefits of such an amazing few weeks.

The status of Kitson. 1/8/12 - useless ginger villain, greedy moneygrabbing ba$tard who has brought the club to its knees. 2/8/12 - plucky battling hero, doing the right thing, a pompey legend. 1/8/14 - a gullible idiot still waiting to see a single penny of his 'settlement'. Meanwhile Fortress Ben Haim stands firm, supported by Kanu's legal case, that is hanging over Birch's head like a flimsy paper bag full of steaming pig ****.

Does that suggest that they have 2,600 pledges plus £630K from others? They expect that to translate into £2.6M of capital - not enough to cover their offer for the ground, an offer that has so far been ignored. They have £1M in the bank, presumably to be released at £43K a game? I spy one or two little caveats that were glossed over yesterday...they obviously need the PP to repay any loan, the transfer fees outstanding are £1.75M - and they will defer payment of £350K of CVA until the next PP. My earlier guesstimate on their projected income is pretty close to theirs, though they will be asking UnAppy to assemble a squad of 25 players with an average wage of approx £1,500 a week. Was that the sound of Howard etc speeding up the M275? IMO the whole offer looks underfunded and relies on far too many uncontrollable factors coming together in seven days. Desperate might sound a bit harsh, optimistic would cover it.

Mr Fanshawe said today there is £1M in escrow. I was also surprised when the bloke on the top table announced that 'it's difficult getting people to pay £1000, which they will never see again' More cash into a black hole? No real benefit for coughing up cash? the following analysis is for hardcore nutjobs only so if you struggle with concentration, or fear talking to girls, rather than reading on you might be better off playing computer games or watching tennis ...... Their plans seem to involve spreading ALL debt longterm, so let's budget for three seasons. They want to spend £2.75M on the ground, plus maybe £500K keeping it legal and full of fat - all well and good if Chinny wants to write off £15M knowing that there is still £11M out there somewhere. The council will want maybe £300K in interest on that one year loan - even though they confirmed that they don't do loans of that sort. Players have to agree £2M - which they won't. Transfer payments still due I would estimate at £3M to tie up with Birch claims re PPs. Deferred wages deals already agreed that need servicing - £2M? Let's say the ruling, when it comes, gives Kanu £1M. CVA £850K. Wagebill, to cover all staff and loan fees - £4M x 3? Utilities, overheads and travel etc for three years - £3M? Tax and NI - £1.5M. That's approx £9M a season. Let's assume the Trust put ALL problems aside and take control, the fans are happy and come back in some number, maybe they could sell 7,000 season tickets and have 12k gates? With that, plus TV and sponsors, they could have an income of maybe £7M a year? Income = £21M + £11M in PP + £3M in pledges (their claimed figures today) This dream scenario where all people take a massive hit gives them a profit. But 6000 season tickets and 10K gates will put them firmly in the red and trading insolvently. So as long as players are happy to give their PP money to the club, and the fans half-pack the park, they will be fine. What could go wrong?

UnAppy seeks meeting? But I'd like to think over the next few days I would be given the opportunity to speak to Portpin and come up with a different solution. I am coming at it from a different perspective and that's what I'm going to try and do That one sentence tells us 1. He has no meeting arranged. 2. He has no idea of a budget so cannot make ANY offers. 3. Birch has left him out of the loop completely. 4. There is NO forward planning. 5. It's all a bit chaotic, and time is running out faster than Avram will in a police raid. Meanwhile, the Trust are about to unveil the slowest emergency bid ever tabled. Expect a hint more for creditors than Chinny, no thought about paying him off, a promise of funding that they don't actually have, a token rich bloke who probably owns a plumbing company or timber merchants, and some vague claims about being self-sustaining and buying land they cannot afford. Add in some plucky spin about the fans and a pioneering structure that will change international football forever, and we have a bucket of nothing in particular. I miss all the underwater stuff and the Harbourdome.

taking 1,000 to Hampshire's second club with fat-free pipes on a summer evening certainly makes you the best fans in Europe - yes, that's an away support to rival Galatasaray or Celtic. Though shouting wan£er at one of your own plucky heroes in blue does make you look a little bit confused... You arrogantly celebrated his loyalty in January, using his love of his ridiculous wage packet as a positive - now you've done a massive U-turn and hope that no one has noticed. Well we have. Good idea on the stamps - will there be a first day cover costing a pound that just has a solitary .4p stamp on it? Perhaps with a picture of Avram pleasuring himself behind a skip full of laundered cash - as a motability scooter passes by.

When I got up this morning I thought, shall I go to Wimbledon and pay money to hang out with toffs supporting an overated underachiever in a sport cherished by middle-aged ladies, or shall I go and join the mass hysteria on the streets supporting the man who won the brutal Tour de France, and who was going to ruthlessly put his opponents to the sword and write history?....mmmm, difficult... Let's just say that four hours on a pavement in Esher was worth every minute.

Greg Halford offering business advice? A man who can't trap a bag of cement in his own discipline shouldn't drift out of his comfort zone. Tomorrow, Dave Kitson explains how the development of the scatter cushion revolutionised caravaning. Meanwhile I'm off to see Wiggins win us a gold, so keep prodding them while I'm out.

POMPEY joint-administrator Bryan Jackson believes there is no reason why the club cannot be owned by the fans. He has been working behind the scenes while partner Trevor Birch works round the clock to secure the club’s future. Talking to The News, Mr Jackson revealed Pompey’s situation is ‘still critical’, adding the contracts of the three remaining players were ‘sticky’. Anyone who references the clock and the fatty pipes in a press interview is just winning a bet with one of their mates! ‘We’re not against them, we are trying to compromise and it’s about getting them to believe that if we close down they won’t get a penny. Yes mate, it's about misleading them!

£14M to come sounds great, but Birch said a while back that they were down to the last £4M-£7M when you take into account the football creditors. He has increased that debt since, so I'm not sure there will be a great deal to fight over soon. As they have lived comfortably in debt for years, their main problem now must be time. They can delay creditors, and defer wages and transfer fees - but they can't defer the season kicking off. Let's put the whole ownership issue aside and assume that they still intend to enter League One next season... They have less than three weeks to convince the authorities that they are solvent and can complete a season, even though Birch has proclaimed from the rooftops that it is unlikely that they can. In the same timeframe, if allowed, they have to source players. This could be difficult because its only the runt of the litter that is still homeless in August. Though I'm sure any players desperate to work for free because their career is in terminal decline post-armed robbery/rape-conviction, will be re-packaged for the few as proven target man captured from under the nose of Chelsea and Man City. Let's have a massive leap of faith and assume that UnAppy does have quality players up his sleeve and they do start the season. He'll have to convince them to work for low wages, perhaps he'll have to take a risk on a few non-league youngsters to meet his budget, either way he has NO time to sort a team - and we saw how good his judgement was on who won the competition to go on a free holiday with him. The squad will be threadbare, and as we know, the games come thick and fast and every fecker wants to turn you over. Come December they'll only have half a bench for two games a week, and I reckon they'll still be trading at a loss. So whatever Chinny or the Trust does, unless they can pump some new money in, they MUST be heading for a proper struggle, and we know how that fickle fanbase love abandoning ship when the going gets tough. 'Difficult' season, poor gates, fatty pipes, those deferred debts looming... Business as usual - same ****, different division.

what's this sudden 'deal' with Kanu? Did I doze off and miss ten pages?? It sounds like Birch is saying the nasty cartoon villain has left -driven away by the brave battling few, he's claiming a great victory. Has Kanu really gone, or is he still in a legal dispute with his employer and refusing to return off garden leave until it's sorted? I'd be astonished if the plucky players ever see a single penny of their deferred wages - like the creditors before them, they have voted for their plums to get a sturdy kicking. The club has a culture of institutionalised self-harming. regards Astonished and confused of Nutjobtown.

The tour was funded by Fareham businessman Dave Ellis and the Gibraltar FA, a fact which puts to bed accusations of how the club managed to afford it. Err, no it doesn't - mainly because the club has boasted this in previous years and the accounts later showed that they were lying - so this is just 'Birchy spin' to appease creditors. But on this sunny morning I'm prepared to offer crumbs of praise... They are clearing out high earners which should be applauded, the wage bill is dropping, the club is sailing towards the far distant island of solvent trading, for the first time in about a decade. Yes the island is merely a hazy dot on the horizon, but they can now see it. Nutjobs may observe that its the slowest and worst-promoted fricking firesale in history as it should have been done at least two years ago - BUT it's the first step toward competing as a proper football club, so praise where praise is due. If they start trading solvently I might even re-introduce a capital letter for portsmouth, but not yet. Because the important bit will be what happens next.... Let's assume they stumble into the new season - will that be with a squad of cheap misfits, or will they just start a new cycle of wages insanity? Experience suggests that the club is a crack addict and won't be able to resist overstretching. Cue battling Appy demanding a promotion warchest and poaching plucky sought-after journeymen strikers from under the nose of rivals - and other tabloidese nonesense that is meant to motivate the dim and distract them from the fact that their club is now such a leper in football circles that they have to be accompanied by a bloke with a bell.

just spent two hours in pompey, did Arry a bit of market research to support his grand claims. Only saw three shirts - pompey 2-1 Chelsea. It appears Arry's dog was talking crap. Though I did see a lot of scrawny pike-children who are either sporting our new home kit, or have still to grasp the connection between direct sun for twelve hours and skin cancer. And from The News it does look like old naughty hands has dropped a clanger re the players' chances of getting paid. They really need to rehearse these statements if they want to show a united front. How is Moneypenny doing raising funds to save the club? It looks like that sponsored pie-eating contest she embarked on is going particularly well. Finally, business news...Anyone seen the side of the building that is missing a letter at Hilsea? it says in massive print Portsmouth holesale Either Mr Birch is already selling the ground, or Avram has hit the jackpot.

anyone who thinks that font was a good idea deserves to be liquidated. And what do all of those characters on the winner of the backward kids' scary poster competition have in common? fortress fatpipe legends, one and all! All of them were held up as heroes at one time or other. Methinks they need to be a bit more selective over who they welcome in. Though after years of criminality and two insolvency events I guess its a bit late for that sort of advice, even if I was trying to be helpful.

I am convinced that if both parties, the club and the players, can come to the table and stop conducting such personal negotiations through the media, a compromise will 
be reached said the man pausing to sign an autograph before releasing a press statement and conducting his campaign through the media. Time for a new photo of AA methinks, or a new whispy frontal comb-over. Two gruelling years of not being able to sleep with worry and guilt over the debacle that was CVA1, is starting to show. At least he doesn't look seedy.

How irresponsible of Trousers to post that map. It's obviously from the ongoing and confidential Cala Developments planning application. It clearly shows that he intends to submerge southern England, presumably using a furry but disciplined army of trained beavers to dam key rivers. This will enable him to open not just a flagship Harbourdome Arena development for the World Cup Final, but a whole chain of underwater hotel casino resorts, incorporating deep sea Saab dealerships, Mr Clives, Spearmint Avrams, and marine petting zoos. And no Avram, you don't need to help with the training.

Harry riding into town?? They need that like a school sports day needs Gary Glitter as the dressing room attendant. The key for me regarding players getting paid post-liquidation is that their contracts revert to the Football League, so the football authorites have responsibility for their contracts. Legally that's pretty clear cut I would have thought. There is no way they will 'get nothing' - that's just a lie that is being spun out of desperation to pressure thick players. Presumably the FL could also take 'compensation' payments from new clubs to offset any costs to pay the players up to date, rather than giving them away. And let's repeat another little gem for the rest of the world who appear a little slow of thinking. pompey were GIVEN money to pay these players, but they chose not to do that. They have wasted it, bought even more players, used it as part of a money-laundering scheme, chucked it into a black hole, but chose not to use it for the purpose for which it was GIVEN to them. This is not an unfortunate turn of events, it is criminal mismanagement and the result of a club blatantly gambling to gain a sporting advantage. Twice! They shot themselves in the foot, reloaded and shot themselves again, while merrily waving the cup in people's faces and sticking two fingers up at football - and now they want sympathy.... Yeah, good luck with that one. and Gordon's more of a union representative that you'll ever be!

what a great training camp! Big earners isolated and insulted by being left at home. No one worth signing. Nine goals conceded, one scored. Sponsor insulted after forking out for a 'pompey pre-season' that was in fact a holiday for stangers. Club now re-seeded below the Isle of Wight and Jersey in world rankings. On reflection, Cotterill's US comedy roadshow tour in the style of Spinal Tap meets Frank Spencer now looks constructive.

it seems pretty simple now. Birch just needs to get a business plan approved by all of the players and their agents, Chanrai, the Trust, all football creditors, all the individual unpaid creditors of CVA1 and Baker Tilley, all the creditors of a potential CVA2, HMRC, AA, all those owed under £2,500, the PFA, the FL and The Prem. What could possibly go wrong with that meeting? Chanrai is just as likely now to write off his cash and embrace the Trust's plans to shaft him, just as any loan shark would, the players will walk because they are plucky and loyal, there will be 100% support from creditors for a second raping, the taxman will just laugh it off, and the football creditors will just accept that the FC rule is a little silly anyway and put it down to experience. Once Trev's formulated this grand plan and tweaked it to satisfy all of those parties, he's home and dry! But unlike the clock of fat, time is ticking - so I suggest he cracks on with the invites asap, perhaps get some nibbles in and a few bottles of pop. Maybe with the emphasis on the pop.

so what have we learned today then my little nutjob friends? 1. Avram's passion 'has been stirred', so he is presumably cruising the streets of Horton Heath tonight in 2nd gear...mainly because his trousers are caught around the pedals. Yes, if the old fella's stirring then he'll be out there now, popping his little Astra up the ringroad. 2. Trevor Birch hasn't spoken to any players - which might explain why negotiations have been slow, he hasn't actually started them. 3. We also discovered the Trust's great plan. Tell you what, this is the most important letter we will write in our lifetime, shall we get it done professionally? No, just chuck it together, it's only aimed at people thicker than us - we should also insult the players in it, they'll like that. Shall we make it a real show of strength and gather our entire fanbase at the gate to deliver them? Yes. 4. We had a timely reminder via PoL of why the majority on here don't care about them. 5. They seem to have stopped selling tickets....mmm. When Birch says the club could be liquidated in two weeks, does he actually mean that his company's exposure to the running costs are predicted to kick in then, so he has started locking gates and executing club cats etc? Surely he hasn't managed to gobble up all of the potential parachute payments already? I'm no expert but the signs would suggest that they could now be moving onto the next stage of what is known in technical circles as being in a little bit of a pickle. nice one Guan.

haven't got time to deal with Avram's stirring passion as the real world is calling on my time... But there was never going to be any doubt about Ben Haim driving by, he is the cartoon villain in the panto, and for that reason has to be seen as uncaring - no doubt he was dressed from head to toe in black and wore a hat crafted from murdered puppies. It's all part of the cliched script that will be lapped up by the gullible. Next chapter should be some loyal plucky hero talking to the crowd, who have rolled up three years too late. yawn.