rallyboy

developments today? We learned that the Saints academy produced Bale, Walcott and the Ox - while the pompey academy produced a terrorist extremist who launched a grenade assault on a Jewish shop in Paris. Making him I guess, the most dangerous attacking player to emerge from the UK's bestest academy. We also saw rare old footage of a pompey fan talking sense, he looked lonely as everyone else was too busy celebrating or ignoring reality, and he ended up having to cut his own hair with his nan's bacon scissors. He then put together a press release for the Trust explaining how many offences the club has committed - some clown from SOS Fatpipe took this confession as proof that they are innocent and the league should apologise. I've also had pompey fans giving me stick on email, which is as ironic as the homeless laughing at your choice of living room curtains. We have had that harrowing image of Westwood wiped from our minds by a shot of his slightly hotter sister, even though she is squatting in the bathroom of a Premier Inn. And Birch has pocketed £9K.

so that explains the one pompey fan not celebrating when their illegally-assembled team and corruptly-run club came to SMS for the cup game - he knew the truth and no one else would listen.... Nice to have some support for Nutjob conspiracy theories but we have been banging on about most of that for years while they've ignored it and carried on regardless. They have played ONE game on a level playing field in the last decade. ONE! They fielded a team against Plymouth that they could afford, and then went on another spending spree. So I don't see a reformed character trying to leave all the cheating behind. While Mr Hall has done a fine job and I applaud his research, you have to think it is three years too late, that it's only published for one reason - and we didn't hear a peep out of them when things were okay on the pitch. It amounts to denying any wrongdoing and then admitting guilt after it's been proven, just to get a lesser sentence - I note that senior figures whose conduct could lead to club sanctions are deemed entirely innocent in his investigation. Yeah right. But maybe I'm being a little harsh, I'm sure he's been busy exposing the blatant criminality for the last three years, and not just this week, when it suits a pro-Trust/anti-Chanrai agenda. So IMO it is basically a press release for the Trust that throws some interesting light on the criminal offences of portmouth fc. If FIFA and the FL were serious about corruption and could see evidence to support this blog, they would shut the club down this morning. They have been tipped off enough times in the past and done nothing, or perhaps were just too afraid to tackle organised crime. Nothing has changed - other than a pompey fan admitting that the club has been cheating. I guess that is progress.

I would suggest that their current wagebill is only TECHNICALLY less than the 65%. Don't they have about £2M of deferred WAGES to pay this season in addition to their slightly inflated wagebill? But those wages will be dressed up in the accounts as 'football creditors'. In fact they could even suggest that their current wagebill is very low but they do pay quite a lot of short term contracts to non-fulltime individuals, some of which I'm sure are not even wages, but Image Rights. The accountancy game has great ways of avoiding rules such as the 65% one - as with previous scams, pompey will be pioneers in this. And the remaining £8M PP doesn't all come into this year's figures - and if it did, it's wiped out by the Hero Paymentsso in reality it makes no difference to the %. Their real wagebill for the next four years will be £2M higher than the cost of their squad - hence UnAppy's reduced budget in the summer, when he was the only person in Europe who hadn't twigged that there was money still to pay and it would come out of his little 'warchest'.

Half a pint of Rohypnol shandy and he's anyone's - he's gonna be in trouble if an aroused Avram wanders by. Though, in the dirty old prossie-botherer's defence, if you go around dressed as pretty as that in skimpy hotpants, you are asking for it.* At least he can ring his bell and have both hands free now. *Not really, even Avram at his most inflamed would think twice about unleashing little Avram on a mission that ugly. On this showing, Westwood must've been the only kid who went to Top of the Pops and didn't get molested - probably made it right through Catholic choir school, a children's home, the scouts, and never even got a Valentine's card.

pompey fans giving us financial advice? Don't know where to start, too many gags fighting to get out all at once, comedy overload....

here we go - the Portsea branch of the Hans Christian Anderson myth factory has resumed production after a short layoff. The scummahs owe £30M to a loan shark. They can't afford to finish their training ground. They owe the taxman millions. They are just like us.... You should never let the truth get in the way of a good Portsea pub myth - it amuses the hard-of-thinking. If it wasn't for the fact that I always leave the half-empty SMS (owned by the council) after 75mins because I'm hoarse from booing my own team, along with all the asylum-seeking free ticket holders, I'd have a word with them. As for Ho weighing in, that's like UnAppy laughing at your eyebrows, or Cotterill asking if you saw a different game - Ho's posts on here left him with no credibility whatsoever. The deluded toymonger's fantasy claims about Tesco, billionaire owners, and the transfer market, were the most unfortunate scribblings to spill into print since a ten-year-old girl penned the sentence, dear Jim, please could you fix it for me to meet Gary Glitter.... As for the storries now being made up, that sets us up for another couple of frustrating years trying to educate the incredibly thick. That loan is small, the other one is far away etc... Let me know when their Saints thread matches this one - in both quality and quantity.

Pity those questions weren't asked when things were going well. Wow, what a bombshell today- the first admission of guilt!!! It’s horrible, morally it isn’t right, I know that. The situation is difficult but I feel like I have been doing that every single week since the season started. - UnAppy. He's only talking about treating players badly, but it's a start. The few are taking his rather old school Spartan attitude to player fitness as proof that they are not cheating by outbidding bigger clubs. They still confuse quantity with quality - it's not the numbers that annoys others, it's the actual class of players you're getting! And I forgot that they got away with the holding company going into admin - so many let-offs, so much criminality swept under the carpet, and still they blame everyone else. What happens next? Portpin are declined a FaPP test pass, a new mysterious consortium emerges from the shadows with exactly the same offer - probably called Pinport or Portpin2012, the people behind it will be unknown businessmen with no connection to Chanrai whatsoever. Sort of. He's going nowhere.

so the fans won a cash prize by naively promoting a utility company's social media campaign... And after much debate about it not being used to pay off debts, rather than using it to do something useful, the club has indeed trousered it. Nice. Which means that the bulk of the bestest fans' cash prize is likely to be pocketed next week by Mr Chanrai. It's not going to clear much of his debt, but it's a start. Tweet an advert, win Chinny some cash. Well done everyone, good effort, not a waste of time at all.

A burglar?? The theft of £200M wasn't a petty burglary, it was a calculated and ruthless armed raid in which bystanders, taxpayers, and kids in wheelchairs were gunned down. And as usual this particular bunch of criminals and their accomplices won't accept ANY blame. No doubt it's the fault of the police for failing to stop them, and the people who made the sawn-off shotguns. As for the outbidding of teams a division higher who are not in admin - it's become a disease. The only way I can see it stopping is when the PPs are actually gone. They are just spending tomorrow's money today, and hoping the football creditors just fade away - tis the road to Admin IV, or is it V? And call me cynical but I don't believe the club's claim that they are not paying much. Mainly because they have been proved to have lied on every previous occasion on the subject. The managers and directors change but the policy continues. I await the next accounts, then we'll see who is playing for peanuts. Birch might suggest that outbidding other clubs is part of an effort to make the business look more attractive. It hasn't worked. You need to be top of the table to fool people, not in the bottom half with an unsustainable business model. Come on Birch, announce new owners and let them clear out the playing staff - it's Chinny Time!

I'm a little undecided on what could be funnier, Portpin taking control, or the Trust. They both have massive comedic potential. I suspect Chinny COULD offer better prospects for progress on the field as he does have some money, but he will also split the few into even fewer. They will Unpack the Park - which shouldn't take too long. Best deal for Nutjobs is probably the loan shark retaking control and offloading all overpaid players at the end of the first month. That would send a signal out to those who think he isn't serious about getting them out of the division at the first attempt. But he needs the team to generate some money, he needs a level of success, so I fear he'll stick with the plucky squad which is living off squirrels and cycling to away games. And what could become of UnAppy who slagged him off, and the Trust's PR partner The News? Both might find themselves no longer welcome at Fortress Fatpipes under a Portpin regime. Especially as they have appointed a PR company which has cleared up so many points from that post above. Communication is key, and Chinny has obviously embraced open government. The alternative to the return of the former hero must be a messy and drawn out bitter legal wrangle that allows the Trust to take control of a business that will by then have spent a fortune on extended admin. They would also need to cough up for the ground. Looking at it that way, the best deal for the few is in reality, probably the loan shark. If they really love the club they may have to just let it go - to fight for it could be hugely damaging and no one would emerge unscathed. Methinks Chinny has all the aces, the Trust has an out-of-date library card, and Mrs Bun the baker's wife. So Birch has a selection problem - but at £9K a day he can probably sleep on it a few more times before it becomes unbearable.

Great fibs of our time, volume 35. I only carry a hammer in the car for DIY emergencies. Peter Sutcliffe 1979 This US tour isn't costing the club a penny. Cotterill 2011 No, that's just my wallet that you can feel. Jimmy Saville 1978 This squad is worth £38M. Storrie 2009 The whole tour is being paid for by their FA and a local businessman. UnAppy 2012 I tend not to pick up hitchhikers, Rose doesn't approve. Fred West 1980 I will pay the small creditors without delay. Chinny 2010 That John Terry is a nice bloke. Ashley Cole 2012 The charities have been paid, and I am a capable businessman. Lumpitt 2010 and a late entry Buzsaky hasn’t got any financial gain from it, he just wants to play football until January. He would want to be paid hardly anything. UnAppy today

yeah, the insolvent trading and financial irregularities offences do seem to have paled in comparison with the money-laundering and charity thefts. Perhaps the FL would like to address these lesser offences now and levy some suitable penalties - two division relegation? Or are we still waiting the results of the promised but mythical forensic enquiry into how money was moved prior to Admin1? So many offences, so few answers - even fewer sanctions.

I think there is £8M to come, the recent £3M PP in the bank should be gobbled up by running costs and Trev. I reckon that he will only continue in admin as long as he can see his own fees covered by that account. The remaining PP figure isn't even enough to cover the heroic players' future agreements which are approx £8.5M + Kanu. So rather than the Trust spinning this wonderful £11M bonanza awaiting them, the lucky new owner will inherit a shortfall situation, as well as the debt repayments. They will need to sprint to stand still.

T got a strait jacket? He isn't mad enough! - they've had me strapped to a trolley wearing a mask for the last year.... The Silence of the Fish. In conjunction with Deluded Films and Bestest Leisure, The Ho Corporation presents a hilarious fantasy adventure featuring ridiculous claims and boasting, fanciful transfer gossip, the persistent refusal to accept reality, followed by quiet reflection on how silly one looks, and culminates in lengthy but welcome silence. In a toyshop near you from Friday.

Chanrai is trying to sell them a rusting 1986 mot-failing Montego with 300K mileage, for £175,000. Imagine the club being able to generate the best part of £4M a year in spare cash. Ridiculous. Why is Fahim even considering that offer? More likely to see John Terry doing a remake of Ebony and Ivory with Malcolm X.

Let's be frank here - bears do sh!t behind trees, Glitter is a paedo, and Chinny is going nowhere without that PP money. The ones who might suffer are those businesses that pocket £13M at every home game - those burger vans and pubs could be heading for a slight cashflow issue. It's as predictable as a plucky News press release - The Chinster will retake control, and their already paltry fanbase will split like a Horton Heath prossie. I can see them having home gates of 6K and less before Christmas, and the sensible ones will be the passionate 246,000 bestest who stay away and refuse to tuck any more cash into criminals' Y-fronts. Yes, that admirable boycott will be approx ten years too late, and as hollow a gesture as Lampitt presenting a charity cheque, or Avram taking service station flowers home, but...... IMO the idiots will be the 6K who continue to fund criminals. So a free bit of advice offered in good spirit to fellow football fans - the only way you hurt a loan shark/arms dealer/organised crime syndicate is in the pocket - they care about nothing el$e. Starve the feckers out of your club, even if it means liquidation. Slightly too late I know but there is a lot to be said for death before dishonour. The war of words has started, now back it up - whoever the club is, I say power to the fanbase! However small, annoying, deluded and pikey it may be. We are right beside you brothers and sisters! Well not that close obviously as you fricking stink, but we'll be there in spirit if you chase the criminals out and return with a clean and legally-run phoenix club that competes on a level playing field.

this is the worrying bit...some of my lengthier rants take an hour to put together. Some pages can take twenty minutes to read... Add up the hours and I have lost literally months of my life in here. And I say in here as the main board is far less civilised, and the last time I actually commented on something Saints-related I was politely asked what I was doing outside the lounge. I find that the main board has less quality humour and more saint-on-saint vitriol, whereas this thread is a cosy but downmarket gentleman's club, and an all things pompey news portal and research centre. Nice armchairs, not much of a dress code, 24/7 access to world news on money-laundering and arms dealing, all supplied by a better class of internet timewaster. So this is a safe place, you can pop in and have a laugh with friends and mock the worse off - it's Cheers with an edge. But you have to know the demons within and control them, quality over quantity isn't just a mad Lampitt idea, it's a coping mechanism for addiction to skate-bashing. Avram doesn't go to Horton Heath, Peter Sutcliffe doesn't pick up hitchhikers, Rallyboy doesn't pay his fiver. He needs to retain some of his life in the real world, and restricting himself to three posts does that. And I've started talking about him in the 3rd person, which is worrying, he has taken on his own identity, he is a nutjob within a nutjob. Roll on the PTS social event - I look forward to putting faces to names. And so does he. The 2,000 pages party? Or I quite fancy 1885 as a page number to celebrate. The 1885 League of Nutjobs....the book that pompey's first goalkeeper refused to write, he was too busy looking for fairies on his compost heap.

let me just clarify the earlier question - I asked if anyone thinks they haven't been punished 'at all'. Did you think I'd gone as soft as Avram on a Horton Heath all-nighter and decided that they'd suffered enough? It seems clear to me that they are being punished, with every day getting sh!tter than the previous, but I certainly wasn't saying let's be nice to the poor victims of the nasty league, no, no - I ain't ready to hang up my kicking boots just yet! And if I ever do feel sympathy I just remember the slow-thinking, inbred, cross-eyed, toothless pikeys chucking coins out of the south stand last season. If the club goes pop leaving leisure hours to fill, their sisters are going to dread Saturday afternoon 'cuddletime'.

I know that many here want pompey wiped from the landscape completely, but after looking at the table, is there anyone who still thinks that they haven't been punished, and still feels that they have got away with it? Let's not forget that the cheating was uncovered in the Prem, and from where they are now they would need a telescope to see the top of League One. I know they've continued to flick the Vs which annoys all, but I'm pretty close to feeling that a form of justice is being done, not all, but some. To expect them to admit that the cup itself was pinched is a tall order, ditto the win at St Marys. That team they BOUGHT in to win the game was a vital part of the overall financial damage done around that time, so Karma has been doing a pretty good job. And while PES has his sensible head on - was it worth it? I realise of course that there were no financial issues prior to 5pm on that cup final day, but that whole period has directly led the club to the brink. Maybe one day a pompey fan will admit that 'paying' a 45 year old man £50K a week to score the winner against a bankrupt midtable Championship side, was not worth losing the whole club for. And I might think they haven't got away with it, but I'm no nearer giving them back the basic courtesy of a capital letter. As soon as a new clean club starts competing on a level playing field I'll give them some sort of respect. Though I would like an FA Cup draw...that might complete the justice process for me - it's just a pity that they won't make round three. Meanwhile, Birch has pocketed his usual £4,500 this morning.

they must be drifting into the territory of getting relegated on merit and carrying over the minus 10 to start next season. If there is a next season. Must have have been like a cup final for little Notts County, having a massive club come to town. No doubt the intimidating travelling blue army barracked Bart for 90mins and frightened the poor fella into a clean sheet. You'd hope there might be a bit of reality biting down east, that cup final is getting more expensive with every week that goes by - just need some acceptance of the reality and we are halfway towards having some sympathy with the few* At least there was one winner today - Trev trousered another £9K. *not really.

you're lucky there's nothing happening at the moment. Take a fortnight's holiday in a busy time when Ho was spouting and you'd miss two News webchats for simpletons, offers from the Redditch branch of Mr Clive, a couple of court actions and a brothel visit. That's when you lose a week of your life catching up.

Birch runs a really boring administration, he hasn't even signed autographs yet, AA was a laugh a minute compared with this guy. Five bids, yet nothings happening! Thankfully Appy has been on the delusion juice again to keep the comedy going. Appleton saw more than enough to convince him Michalik and Gyepes will be his preferred central-defensive partnership. The pair of them were up against some good, good centre-forwards on Tuesday night, let’s not beat around the bush,’ said Appleton. Swindon’s strikers are up there with anything in the division and I thought they handled them reasonably well. That's odd, because every pompey fan I've spoken to since said they could have been 7-0 down at half time, and the two of them looked like overfilled oil tankers that had run aground.

Conspiracy Theory no.2731. The new bidders look potless, have they just been thrown in by interested parties with crazy offers for the ground to support any potential valuation case? We'll pay £8M for the ground and £1M to football creditors... Bid clearly fails and is way too late, but might be useful in court when the ground is valued at £2.75M by Trev. If Birch does select the Trust, an enraged Chanrai could have a nice plan B up his sleeve. He'll go straight out and buy the ransom strip next door, thus maintaining his control over the club. He might need to outbid the assembled property developers, but it's worth more to him for leverage on the neighbours. It wouldn't surprise me if he's already bought it, or is finalising the deal as we speak. The Trust need to secure everything to be in control of their own future - and they can't afford that. They can buy the steering wheel, but the loan shark could still have the gears, the pedals and the handbrake.

the Ho comments are always a chuckle so well done on that, but the one that made me really laugh out loud was the fan that is worried that Cortese will try to pinch Appy off them! Come on, who was that? Surely no pompey fan is that deluded. And Appy's judgement has to be questioned when he looks around the league and applies for the only job that looks like more hassle than the one he has already. Out of the frying pan into the unserviced toilet pit at Reading festival on the final night.

nice one Phil, well spotted. So over the next couple of years pompey pay Chinny back his meagre £5M of carried forward debt. They use the club overdraft to do this, thus creating a further £5M debt to Chinny. He doubles the FL debt limit, and the interest ticks along at whatever rate he plucks out of the air. If they buy the extra land in the same way and bring it all together in a simple to sell package, Chinny has his £18M - with full approval from the FL. The only thing that can go wrong is the club fails to generate enough income to meet the most modest of payments and he has to cut costs and asset strip to the bone. A further relegation and attendance drop could leave Chinny exposed to more losses. Just like loan sharks everywhere, he loves taking risks, and he's all heart. Though as Nutjobs who look for conspiracy theories at every turn, we could have it all wrong. Maybe this time he really is falling in love with the club.