rallyboy

those quotes about Maradona and Eto are just comedy gold. You can't come back from those and be taken seriously. There's been so much good stuff on here that you forget some of the classics. And those arrogant and clearly bonkers claims just fuelled this thread. Most pompey fans I stumble across keep their mouths shut and if they say anything it's an admission of shame about what has gone on - and if they behave like that I leave them in peace....sort of. But.....the gobby, deluded, sister-bothering, cross-eyed, recreation-ground-trespassing, council-padlock-bolt-cropping inbreds who spout all this Maradona/Harbourdome/billionaire consortium around the next corner madness, or claim that their situation was the same as ours ....it's that retarded bunch that have inspired nutjobs everywhere to rise up and challenge their drivel. If they had just shut the f^ck up early doors, this thread would have faded away. So my advice to them would be - look at the league tables, be a little humble, take your fingers out of your ears and face the truth. Your club has been criminally-run, and you stood by and watched it happen. The swing in our league positions has been enormous, we've got a tough season ahead and we are realistic about it, but we've had great fun and someone mentioned earlier that I think we may be the ones who are laughing now. Much of that gloating has been in retaliation for those hilarious -10 in Southampton teeshirts and the abuse of Ted etc. You celebrated the arrival of every new criminal, the club has been cheating all the way from the Championship upwards and downwards - and you were happy to ignore the crimes when things were going well. Clutch the memory of those Wembley trips tightly, they may have to last you a while. And just tell me once again that the complete destruction of your once proud football club in return for a meagre 1-0 win over a bankrupt midtable Championship side was a good deal for the fans...go on. And this time say it like you believe it. Three years of laughs, and despite what some have said, it ain't over yet - there are more chapters to be writ, more pants to be wet, more coffee to be spat. Let's start tomorrow with the PR explanation as to why the three players haven't left over the weekend as suggested, why the coach hasn't joined, and why the embargo hasn't been lifted - throw in a dash of random loyal player pledging his future to help the battling manager's plucky troops, and the saga will live on. We have a holiday to Gibraltar to be paid for, more wages deferred, running costs stacking up, all on the back of the bestest fans in world football and the leading coaching set up in the country....yeah, loads more laughs. Don't move along, plenty to see here.

and if we revisit the historic first post... This is not a wind-up. I don't usually "do" gloating but with the mod's permission can I indulge myself just a little? A little?!... I think it's fair to say we've taken our own Alan Patridge plate, filled our boots from the gloating buffet - and been back numerous times. Yet 1317 pages later, they are not an inch closer to stability. Happy Birthday PTS, and congrats to the proud dad FF. How's that brief summary of the whole thread going?...

if Kanu is only on £6K a week I'm a fricking total football expert who can coach the academy side to promotion! I know they tried to stitch him by spreading his wages over an extra year, now they are trying to steal the rest from the poor fella. He's gonna end up at a glue factory or in pet food, the least they could do is pay him what he's owed. If players are on six times his wage he has every right to be miffed. Glad we didn't treat Bobby Stokes like that. I don't know why they're worried , according to their latest press release all their major problems are scheduled to be solved by Tuesday teatime.

And the football authorities still gloss over the fact that he took control of pompey using stolen money. Oh well. Methinks pompey just tried to pull a fast one by sneaking a player in dressed as a coach... Nice try, but the FL are finally wising up to their ways. And those three will be gone by Monday will they? Now that would be a bombshell, in the traditional sense of the word. So just to clarify things - next week, the problem with the coach will be sorted, three big earners will be gone, and the transfer restrictions will be lifted.... Yeah, that all seems likely.

the national media still don't quite get the CVA situation and the fact that not a penny has been paid, and the current offer isn't a simple 2p in the £ - then again not many of the few have bothered to understand either. Everything will be fine, all income is ringfenced, something will come up etc.... It's only nutjobs on here who have got to grips with the detail. I've corrected one of the mistakes.... Scott Mclachlan, a PST spokesman, said: ‘We do not want to start again unless the club is liquidated. It is all about saving a club with its TWO year history.’

if we are looking for predictions can I suggest that sometime in the next two days the following will occur. 1. Those nasty pompey players will be cast as villains who refuse to work for nothing. 2. UnAppy will say something motivational with no basis of fact. 3. The few will be praised for their incredible take up of 4,500 season tickets and heralded as the bestest ever in a thinly-veiled desperate plea for sales. 4. The News will use an over-the-top motivational term that even makes them chuckle with shame as they type it - my money is on 'battling', or a repeat of 'troops'. 5. Ben Haim's limbs will be found in a bin bag. 6. A player will be linked to a free departure - not only will his leaving be re-packaged as a great transfer deal on pompey's terms, the response from the fans will be that yesterday's plucky hero is now rubbish, and if he doesn't want to play in the third tier with no chance of getting paid they are better off selling him. 7. They will be linked with a player who is way out of their price range. 8. A player will pledge his loyalty in a hollow and pointless gesture. 9. The debt will increase. 10. Nothing constructive will actually happen. Not really stuck my neck out there! Re the Official Plucky Bestest Dictionary, if the media do need some fresh words for this sorry affair I would like to see 'beleaguered' wheeled out again - though 'threadbare' is an old favourite that must be warming up on the sidelines.

To discourage neighbour's cats I found that a single blow to their face with a spade works well. It won't stop the crapping, in fact the opposite - the sight of you running at them wielding a weapon may in the immediate short term increase the problem - but hearing the resultant musical note echoing around the garden that says 'cat + spade' will make you feel better. If that doesn't work try a golf club. A 7 iron should do it. And if you're worried about injuries, wear gloves and sturdy boots.

yeah that was funny - though it might not be Ben Haim but their new keeper, it might explain why he doesn't catch much. If CSI were still in charge they would have reached agreements with ALL players by now....

interesting development there... We all have a laugh about Ben Haim having gold door handles on his stretch Hummer but Lawrence gives the distinct impression that having his wages cut from £20K to £5K meant they could no longer justify renting in Warsash and had to save some money and move to Stoke. Birch has done well to cause footballers financial hardship, and poor old Lawrence even worked in the ticket office for him. One could observe that Lawrence may have been offered two contracts when he signed. A solvent club might have offered him £12K a week, but he chose the £20K a week from a clearly insolvent club that looked like it was STILL in serious trouble. Ditto UnAppy. Despite spin to the contrary, his job has changed little since he joined. At the time of his interview, his potential employers were suspected to be laundering money for organised crime. What could go wrong? I struggle to find much sympathy for people who have made poor decisions based on greed, and then whinge when the obvious problems occur. Then again I'm miserable like that.

no, they have been linked to some sort of non-league keeper who couldn't catch genital herpes in Paulsgrove and gets nosebleeds if there are more than 300 people watching - he claims he's signed and his dreams have been realised, UnAppy says he's 'looking at him'. Presumably he hasn't heard of YouTube. Today they stole £30K off their own supporters, so who knows what new depth of shame tomorrow holds. Either way the criminality and merriment is set to continue as long as the FL and UK authorities allow them to trade insolvently.

Poor old Fahim, abandoning his dream to help...and to take control. I suspect the skimpily-clad, tubby cornet-vendor's stumbling block was the Trust's ambitious small print - that anyone who puts in big money has no benefit. From what I've seen, if you throw a million down the black hole, in reality you get the same status and power in the brave new world as the £1000 donor. The Trust plans still look flawed and desperate*, and that's why it's a non-starter. As Neil Sedaka famously sang on a demo tape that evolved into a single, Chinny's the only game in town. Mr Fanshawe's plea to ignore the football creditor rule is an interesting policy to pursue as well.... They can do that. But they won't have a league to play in. And in other news, I believe that Antonov is in a court room VERY soon for his extradition hearing. *Flawed and Desperate were also the financial advisors that Storrie used for budgeting - Mr Flawed went on to write the new Fit and PP test, while Mr Desperate still helps pompey as a PR consultant.

Joint administrator Trevor Birch said: “We’ve already had an incredible response from fans for season tickets, which demonstrates once again the strength of the club’s support. No you haven't, but yes it does demonstrate the strength of support. “The atmosphere inside Fratton Park was unbelievable last term and I’m sure we’ll recreate that again for the new season. No it wasn't, and yes, you will recreate that. Estimated matchday income from season ticket holders? £50K. Estimated matchday income in total - £150K? That will equate to about £72K a week. Current wagebill - £182K a week. I'm still not sure that the figures stack up...

meanwhile UnAppy the hero has bravely declared that he's battling on and won't be tempted by all the big clubs who are queuing up to whisk him away from the fortress of fat. The loyal coaching genius has turned down loads of job offers apparently... ‘The thing is I know it has been frustrating at times but I enjoy my job. ‘I still get up every day and want to go into work. ‘I am a young man, I am in no hurry. ‘To me it does not matter how long I am here – and if I am still here in five or six years we will be in a different league and stabilised. ‘I want to be in the football business for the next 25 years – this is my first job, a job I intend to create a legacy. ‘If I can do that it will be good for me and good for Portsmouth. Then he slips in the key message to agents everywhere.... ‘It would have to take a very, very, very good offer for me to leave Which translates as - come and get me asap, please! But still the comments underneath this press release gloss over how he's heroically guided one of the most expensive teams in the league to relegation. Yep, just like they loved Cotterill, and relegation expert Avram, UnAppy is the greatest manager of all time. But the difference this time is he's supported by the best training set up in the country, and of course the bestest fans in the history of world football - so the future is looking rosy! No, not the dog, nor the shelf stacker.

yeah, the only one of those three options that won't cost them a penny is the free tickets - I wonder which one will win the secret poll! Though it would be funny if they took money to put in disabled facilities and just kept it. Standard practice down that way, but it would be an eyeopener for Npower and another deafening alarm bell for the FL to ignore. How's the Unpack the Pipes campaign going? I thought it was a community project to improve diet when they asked for commercial sponsorship to shift the fat. It must be going as well as the Unload the Deadwood initiative. Either way it's great to hear all these little rallying calls, they motivate, distract from reality, and create a buzz that leads to massive season ticket sales, and it's this sort of plucky talk that has put the Trust in such a strong position.

just came across this little gem from a pompey programme. Urgent, keep us afloat It is so warming as we come to the end of this ill-fated season, to see such a good response to our fund-raising appeal. You can see the next three months amount to the most critical fund-raising time in the club's history. Vitally, we also need helpers to do a few hours a week for us as a labour of love to carry out the ideas. Indeed the wages of all of our efforts will be that our ship stays afloat. Take this very seriously. For our cause has never been greater. In the same programme the pompey manager says our youngsters breaking through promises much for the future. He also thanks the fans - At that time we had not won a home game, were right in the basement, but the faithful army was there each time and stuck with us to the bitter end. Little has been learned in the 36 years since this was written on 17.4.76. The plucky bestest attendances were mainly in single figures that season, the stadium was falling down, they were relegated to the third tier as their main rivals made headlines, and the club was insolvent. And they didn't know then that we were about to ruin their relegation a little more by winning the cup a fortnight later! You can either learn from the mistakes of history or continue repeating them until someone liquidates you. Much as I enjoyed 76 I would feel a bit disheartened if we hadn't progressed as a club since. IF they start the new season they will be rolling back the years - pretty much back to where they were in 1976. And they were wrong back then, the chances of the ship sinking are far greater now.

let's not forget the NI and tax implications of that lot too - the PPs are disappearing fast... If we've established anything from the last two years it's that there is no such thing as security when it comes to a debt from pompey. The players shouldn't accept any deals as they will never see the money, and the only creditor with any security is the loan shark, and his grip on the money owed to him is very weak. That's what I don't get, they do deals like the CVA with NO intention of EVER paying a penny, yet it's still business as usual. It would be politer if they just mugged people in the old fashioned way, at least that has some honesty to it. I'm a robber, give me your cash. Rather than, sorry, we'll pay some of it back, no really, we will... Same outcome.

you fricking nutjobs have done it again! I go away for less than a week - and it takes me three bloody hours to catch up!! Though I see there's been quite a few changes.* A 2nd CVA that will never be paid, and the related takeover that will never be completed, have both been spun as great news for the plucky bestest few. But in the small print of the story we see the FL have driven a bus through the incident-free exit plan and have nicely paved the way for penalties - and even Trevor Perch was rattled by that little gem. Perhaps the FL beast is stirring at last... Not a single plucky hero has gone - in fact Mokoena who was alleged to have departed seems to have returned - but peering through the spin last week we thought that deal wasn't done. The loyal players will be asked to accept reduced terms over ridiculous timescales - and we all know one fact - if they accept terms, they will never get paid. But Rallyboy you dozy nutjob, the money to pay them is ringfenced.....yeah Barbie-botherer, course it is, just keep stacking those shelves and pretending that everything is okay. What else have I missed? Despite having a promotion warchest of less loose change than Avram's little shaking fingers can tuck into a moving G-String on a dimly-lit podium, UnAppy is STILL talking to Premier League players?? When will they learn? And the nutjobs seem to have released their own range of leisurewear...yeah I can see Kate Moss strutting up a Paris catwalk with one of her fried egg tits hanging out of a WTFILN string vest. And you've all rigged a poll that exists primarily to promote a utility company. As a result we will probably be treated to the sight of a granite tableau of Avram being pleasured by a whore, adjacent to Lampitt stealing money from a wheelchair-bound child who is distracted by a passing mobility scooter. Outside the football ground this tribute would seem apt, but within a year this stone monstrosity will be between the squirty cheese counter and the Sunny Delight promotional display just inside the doors of Tesco Fratton, and will look ridiculously out of place. They'll have to use Avram as a coat hook. I hope you nutjobs can live with that. *no debt repaid, no wagebill reduction, no new players, same old spin - nothing has happened at all!

no point in discussing much at all with them. It's all tank commanders and dock strikes. The more b0ll0x I hear the less sympathetic I am. And I wasn't that sympathetic to start with! I'm through with trying to give maths lessons to dentally-challenged people who think that all houses have jockey wheels.

just been trying to explain to a skate for the zillionth time how our administration was not exactly the same as theirs....he reckons both clubs should have folded and we left just as many creditors. Apparently they will pass us shortly anyway - when we overspend and get relegated while they triumphantly rebuild. There's nowt as dim as the stupid, what can you do? You can lead a seedy old pervert to Horton Heath but you can't make him send the boys out on manoeuvres.

whenever I have the misfortune of travelling on a packed train I follow the Trousers and Gemmel ploy of looking so odd that no one will sit next to you - the muttering about CVAs helps too. The other trick is when you stop at a busy station, make eye contact with EVERYONE boarding as they walk up the carriage, even turn around to look at people approaching from the other end - the last place they will sit is next to the nutter looking at them. I got as far as Woking once before the last seat in the carriage was taken - and then I think it was a fellow nutjob as they started eating an orange, another classic ploy for hogging a double seat. There you go, free travel tips! Meanwhile I'll be offline when the CVA sweeps majestically through unopposed next week, so please chuck a few lucky heather and prostitute gags in on my behalf. And if it does get through, let's remember that there are conditions to be met, and they are far more difficult to achieve than the vote. I'd say a yes vote from creditors takes them no more than 20% of the way towards stability - it isn't the great answer that some think.

Yes Sevvy, Trousers is right, no one wants to see any football club fold, whoever they are. Especially one that has been unfortunate and through no actions of their own find themselves in a little bit of a pickle. Let's remember that it was only the world recession that troubled the son of the child-maimer that put them in this position, and that was long after the 2008 cup final and not related to it at all. It's not like they've been blatantly cheating for the best part of ten years, or that they bought their way out of the Championship, or been illegally financed by blood money from arms dealing, or cash stolen from pensioners by organised crime gangs. So Trousers is right, give them a break, and let's all hope they can pull through this sticky patch. For the sake of the most passionate fans in the history of world football, if nothing else. or perhaps he should just review how he posted the Tweet....

Michael Appleton vowed not to surrender to the wage demands of his Pompey targets ignoring the fact that he can't offer anyone anything, let alone sign them. But there's a lesson there. If you're unable to sign anyone because you've been naughty and you're terminally potless, rather than glumly saying, can't sign anyone if I wanted, why not pretend to the bestest that you are pluckily standing up against greedy players, bravely battling to protect Chinny's promotion-bid warchest! Or in other words, why stop at rewriting history when you can rewrite the present! What shall we do today, pay off some debt, negotiate release clauses, apologise to charities, or release more pointlessly-transparent PR drivel? Yeah, let's have more spin! It sure don't pay the bills, but the dim few just lap it up! Go on, tell us the one about the dock strike, and the tank commander, and how UnAppy is building a promotion squad, and how Chinny will pay creditors.......bless em, I love those little myths.

I'm away next week so can we try and keep the pages down to single figures, it could take me a whole day to catch up. Likely scenario? - the creditors bend over and allow Chinny's plans through. The club emerges unscathed having quietly wiped out up to £180M of debt, the FL say they can see no problem. The few celebrate and stick a sixth of their fingers up at football, a new promotion bid Spendathon is launched - and that little dot you can see is the next grubby administration gently sailing into view on a distant horizon. Ever wondered why nutjobs despise them?... Should pompey start next season, and start it without penalty, AND with the debts wiped out, it will be a fVking disgrace. The FA Cup will still sit there in the record books, Ben Haim will drive his over-chromed Tatmobile around town, and somewhere in Portsea a young cancer sufferer will be denied some support that could make their last months in this world a little less harrowing. The rest of football might let them get away with it but you'll never see me writing pompey with a capital, or recognising anything they do in the future. The club cheated, and has been since the mid 2000s - if there's no punishment, I will no longer consider them part of the league structure, how can you when everyone else plays to the rules? The may well get away with it next week, but we know what they did... They forcibly dragged the game, and the city, into disrepute. Stealing from dying kids and local traders then ignoring the debt? You couldn't make it up. And today UnAppy talks about offering generous terms to some old loser?? They can't afford to clear debt, but they can still cough up cash on any old **** player, just to gain a sporting advantage.... Do the right thing this time Mr Creditor. Bring out the bolt gun.

there are some worthy causes, the clock, the charities, but I vote for Unpack the Pipes! Take the ground back to the glory days of Fatless Fratton where a man could wash his twelve fingers without worrying about getting slimy hands, and 'wiping' them on his sister.

a fan buy-out would be great, a club serving the community would be trail-blazing. Birch isn't ignoring them because he loves Chinny - he's ignoring them because they are tyre-kickers. To buy anything you need money. They don't have enough. So it's not going to happen. This article is just MPs harvesting future votes from a dim public - again. The local councillors were the same, full of it before the elections, silent after. we did everything we could...they sobbed, as the club sank beneath the gently rippling waves at the very site that the Harbourdome should have staged the World Cup final.... And there's MoneyPenny as the French Lieutenants woman, stood in a heap at the end of the slipway waving goodbye....but unlike her tweed skirt, this statement will cover her ar$e.