rallyboy

so are Sky jumping the gun and catching up on the fees dispute, or have they got something concrete?...or is Chinny playing extra-hardball as he knows he's the only real game in town? Most likely wants to pay nearly nothing on Friday afternoon, though Trev says he needs three days to liquidate so....over to you Birchy. What are the gutsy young battlers going to do this weekend if they aren't allowed to play Bournemouth? They'll just be hanging around outside shops. These young people are already loitering with criminals, it will only get worse, this is not a good development for society.

as they appear to be in a little bit of a pickle - I've just had a great idea! How about they take whatever budget they have and instead of spending it on enough players to compete for a season, they get fewer players, but pay them more? We could call this new policy, 'less but better' or 'few and classy'. And perhaps they could set a wagecap to keep this budget on track, and then pay twice that to the first player they meet the next day? They could also loan out perfectly good young players to pretend they haven't got enough to put on the bench... I can't see anything that could go wrong - whatever way you look at it, the figures stack up.

the way they are being treated is outrageous. Chelsea and Man Utd have debts but are allowed to sign players, and why weren't they docked points when they changed owners? Man City were even protected by the football authorities when they stopped a dodgy bloke taking control, but there's no such help for plucky pompey - it's just not fair. The FL have consistently forced them to have criminal owners yet the authorities take no responsibility and rather than helping the club out, they punish them - twice for the same offence! All pompey want is a level playing field yet the league won't even let them sign player-coaches, or other criminals. The sooner Portsmouth City Council give UnAppy a promotion warchest the better, there are loads of top players who would love to come to fratton because the club is a sleeping giant. The city will lose hundreds of millions in revenue if they don't support the club now - it might even halt the development of CalaTown, the underwater theme park. The fanbase was proved to be the biggest in the world, and the academy is as good as anything in the UK - if there are any billionaires out there who would like to roll back the years and become millionaires again, pompey is a fantastic opportunity for them to do just that. Hopefully justice will be done and pompey will be able to once again compete on a level playing field, get out of League One at the first attempt, and finally return to where they belong.

well Westwood has magically turned from a coach who was not registered as a player, as that would break the league embargo, into.....a player. A sly move widely predicted on day one of him coming in under radar. Suggestion at the time was that he was being brought in as player-coach but wouldn't be registered with the FL yet, so are they the first team in league history to have signed a player while under embargo? And thats ignoring the fact that they made someone redundant and then replaced them... This all opens the door for UnAppy to bring in another dozen 'player-coaches'. It's the little tricks that make me chuckle, they just keep on pushing the limits. From all I hear about Plymouth I think it'll be a tight affair between two of the league's worst sides. It looks like win-win. Either they get hammered out of sight, or they win, and maybe earn a home tie against us.

How do the 7,000 who have just chucked their hard-earned cash into the Chanrai pension fund feel now? It could be an interesting few months. Though I still find it impossible to believe that they will stick to wagcaps. The wage deferrals from the former squad equate to in excess of a staggering £40K a week for four years. That means UnAppy is going to have to work with £2M LESS than his total annual wage budget - which might explain why Portpin has reviewed their budget - Birch has been dishing out agreements to plucky heroes like crazy. For hardcore nutjobs the pattern is a familiar one. Chanrai is never going to pay a single penny of any agreements. Expect another 'odd' sale of the business to dodgy unknowns, followed by a vague dispute over who is responsible for debts. When the club budgets for the next year and ignores these debts, instead of saving money for creditors they will just pay it out on new players to gain a sporting advantage. We will then get to the point where Lawrence or Kitson or whoever asks for their agreed money and the club can't afford it, because like a lazy kid in a sweetshop they will have stuck their little fat fingers around new shiny stuff and ignored forthcoming problems. Cue headlines about greedy players trying to kill off the club....when the real issue will be poor/criminal management. But Rallyboy you nutter, the FL will be all over them preventing them from overstretching themselves... Yes, like it was when former Integrity big-hitter Lampitt was controlling spending - when in fact he was sat on the lap of the mafia, wiggling his booty like their little crack ***** and giggling like a girl. If Chanrai takes control he will ignore the FL, the UK law - the man is a ruthless loan shark who has AA sailing his interests very close to the wind, and often beyond - he will do whatever he likes. And once the new season leaves the station the league is powerless to prevent them doing whatever they want. They won't chuck them out mid-season, they won't risk more penalties that could be challenged, we'll just be more outraged - but you can see it coming this time. We will rant on here about how they can't do that legally or morally, outbidding championship teams, ignoring the wagecaps needed to pay off creditors - but experience says that Chinny will do whatever it takes to get his money back, whether that is investing to make the business look healthier than it is or just ignoring creditors or 'selling on' - and he's not going to be handing over his skinny little cash cow to a Trust, unless he can rob them too. As long as he's getting drips of milk out of a dangling udder he will continue squeezing. Anyone who attempts to shaft the administrator while keeping a poker face, owns more front than Redknapp Developments. So nutjobs, accept that they are about to pull some dodgy stunts, then when it happens you'll feel less annoyed. :

Chinny - what an operator! The guy has no shame, if you shook his hand he'd have your watch, and your shirt, and your jacket. Even though it looks impossible from this situation you have to recall the loan shark saying that he would get ALL of his money... As for Birch, he'll be wishing he'd liquidated it like he would've done for any other business - less fees, but you get them. I thought we'd just found a caring side and he was ready to fall in love with the franchise again, but Balram's as ruthless as he was the day he took control the first time. Plenty more laughs to come. If I was UnAppy I'd be less concerned about a squad and more worried about my job. Surely the old Chinster is looking to clear the decks and run a club on a shoestring, but you can be sure it will be out of someone else's shoe.

by sharing a city with the bestest, which lucky local companies will benefit to the tune of £820K today? Come on, someone must know... These ba$tard companies have made over £200K from pompey since they opened this morning , and it can't all be Birch - where is the rest of it going? No wonder Storrie was worried about image rights, the club is being shafted by the local community that is coining it in on the back of pompey's good reputation. I heard that running a pub in a recession was similar to owning a goldmine, and in the shadow of the arena it's like printing your own money at the moment - but these thriving businesses in pompey that make £6M a week from the club are just parasites, and should be coughing up commission to Birch. It's not just business that make a mint out of pfc, it's those charitity leeches as well, they should give something back as most of their donations only come in as part of the £300M of reflected glory. It's all very well paying for 'lazy kids' to have oxygen tanks and operations, but what level of trim is Brian Howard going to have on his next Lexus if the locals continue to rip off the football club? It's outrageous, and this is where football is destroying itself - being too lenient with the thieving community. I understand now why Portsmouth City Council has become involved, taxing residents to pay back the lost revenue is the fairest way for the football club to get some of it's cash back. Lawrence does a deal? I should think he fricking well does at the levels that Birch has agreed! We were given the impression that players were writing off monies and being heroic, then Saint John spots the little bombshell from Vernon-Jackson that they have already agreed £8M - and that didn't include Lawrence and Kanu. If spread over four years, they need to payoff £40K a week!! They aim to operate on a wagebill of £2.5M a year - but most of that has already been agreed for the plucky ten.... Though it might be easier to not pay them.....and just reverse the bus back through the debris of the football creditor rule. Do the figures stack up? I expect the midfield brickie trialist whose family live in Spain on fish and chips and Eastenders will be the bloke to ask, he seems as sharp as the son of the kitman when it comes to world affairs. I know if I was looking to build a team the first place I'd look would be a foreign building site, that's where Wenger and Ferguson find most of their players. Back in the day Giggs was a plasterer in Portugal on the site managed by Thierry Henry, while the Neville brothers did cavity wall insulation and gardening in the Loire Valley.

Let's cut to the chase - so there is NO guarantee that the parachute money will be redirected to the council - half promises or gossip don't pay the bills, they need written assurances. That £300M figure is completely bonkers - good to see fantasy accounting continues down east. And any councillor who believes that figure should be immediately sectioned - even presenting that as a fact brings the council into disrepute. No councillor is brave enough to stand up and point out the folly of becoming involved, perhaps they saw what happened to innocent players when they rocked the boat. And if the council want street cred as shrewd business people they will say, forget the loan, we'll buy the ground and you can dance when we click our fingers. Or will they buy ALL the land for £20M and give it to the club, as originally suggested by the Toyman in one of his madder posts? Are we heading for 'love to help, need more info'... Or will they just meekly wave goodbye to more taxpayer's money? And while the councillors admit they are taking a big risk, the Trust just said that there's a 90% chance of repayment - for that amount? Wrong answer!

will Danny Boyle do the Fortress Fatpipes closing ceremony? Thousands of swarthy brickies swarming across the pitch building houses and industrial units for cash in hand, hundreds of flatbed Transits, not a tax disc to be seen. Then we have TCWTB piloting a fishing trawler up a river of fatty water, Storrie jumping out of a helicopter with no parachute payments, Lampitt and Cotterill filling the arena with three dancers.... The rehearsals have been good, then again they've had long enough to get it right. At first I thought they were giant chimneys rising up from the ground, then I heard the motivational speech and saw the Horton Heath signs. It isn't a kids show that's for sure. My favourite bits were the child-maiming landmine tribute section, really spectacular and beautifully-choreographed, you actually believe little legs can fly, and the European pensioners being tortured and shot in the face so their cash could be given to Kitson and Lawrence. It was a stark reminder of how they've funded themselves recently, but done in a fun way. Finally a really fat Cher tribute act came on, gave Avram a happy finish to put out the flame, before joining Shep Wooley for Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves in the shadow of a giant bulldozer driven by the grim reaper - it was inspirational.

They're going to Wimbledon? Isn't that where the Wombles gather up all the damaged crap that nobody wants anymore and try to fob it all off on unsuspecting new owners? So it's not a match tonight, it's a business meeting. Great Uncle Trevor Bulgaria is trying to recycle some old sh!t and stitch someone up with OriNewco.

we spend half our lives on here seeking out new ways to repeat the obvious to the dim, but it has to be said again.... If Birch is appealing the points deduction it means he is declining the offer of the Golden Share. That was the deal, the two come together. By stating he is trying to overturn it means he is refusing the conditions offered for FL membership. He's a tit. But we knew that when he said there wouldn't be a points penalty, when it was obvious to even the thickest people that it was nailed on. This new plucky battle should go as well as AA reinstating their European campaign - far easier than doing the job you are there for. More hollow PR when it's action that is needed, but if you are earning hundreds of pounds for every day you delay, then why not fill yer boots.

if they do manage to record three administrations in five years do they get to keep the trophy? - as well as all of the money that belongs to other people. If so they'll run out of space around the crest for those little celebratory stars, the ones that incorporate a picture of a bloke in a striped jumper and a mask, wrestling pocket money from a kid in a wheelchair. Come on poker boy Ben Haim - Birch is at the table with a Joker and Miss Bunn the Baker's daughter, whereas you have a watertight contract. Raise him...

I believe they will start the season. But I'm not sure how Birchy is physically going to complete a deal this week... He's had fricking ages to sort the players, why drag it out until now? Unless of course you are on a VERY healthy daily rate - then there is no need to rush. Step forward the hero who pulled it out of the bag at the last moment, the man who went right to the edge of his fees before saving the day! The administrator's bill is going to go right down to the wire, plus Vat. But how will he cram all that in this week? The amount of work required for a new owner to make sure he doesn't get saddled with Kanu's legal claim or the deferred wages, let alone the fantasy compromise agreements already agreed, must be absolutely enormous and not possible in the timescale. And that's before you factor in the Tyrekicking Trust bothering him on the phone every day. I forsee lots of quotes this week about being 'nearly there' or 'positive talks' and 'a few sticking points'. As for UnAppy, he is obviously UnAware of anything. And well done to the few for their massive march before the Bolton game! - or was that just the Dave Clark Five out shopping?

I heard a bit on the news last night in the other room and at first I thought it was the Olympic stadium cheering Ennis through her 800m, but after reading the match report I realise that it was in fact the noise of the amazing 4,500 fans at fortress fatpipe. Now, one expects poor gates for a pointless friendly....BUT to big-up a handful of people knocking around a crumbling stadium as the most passionate etc is both desperate and deluded in the extreme. We too have low gates for hollow friendlies - but no one spins it to fool dim people. Anyway, if we pretend Kanu's legal claim doesn't exist, it looks like it all boils down to Ben Haim, the man abused by his own fans at Aldershot, just to assist the negotiating process... Complicated scenario warning - AA has to accept on the player's behalf that his wages will be paid to pompey in full via PPs over the next two years, but pompey want to keep those wages, to give AA's other client..... Likely press statement by midweek? Ben Haim does a deal, and is welcomed back to hero status. In reality? Birch offers him money that Tal will NEVER get. Birch won't be there when it is due and doesn't give a flying fatpipe whether these current brokered deals are honoured or not - he might as well be getting them to agree to lease light industrial units on the moon. There you go mate, £2M to be paid sometime, later, with a vague date...sign there. Result - Birch is a hero, the football creditor rules are bent over further than Avram's housemaid, all former plucky bestest players are heroes, the few claim victory, ticker tape parade, bus tour, the glory continues, coaching genius UnAppy's battling troops take on the world as he unveils his hot targets and delves into a hefty promotion warchest. Much chest-thumping, lots of tiresome spin, the Trust waits in the wings with its tenner.......final PP payments and next administration looms on the horizon.

We've been in the Velodrome today! Wow! - well worth the 4.30am alarm. The Olympics has delivered on every level. Seb is da man. Even the most miserable non-sports fan must see the benefits of such an amazing few weeks.

The status of Kitson. 1/8/12 - useless ginger villain, greedy moneygrabbing ba$tard who has brought the club to its knees. 2/8/12 - plucky battling hero, doing the right thing, a pompey legend. 1/8/14 - a gullible idiot still waiting to see a single penny of his 'settlement'. Meanwhile Fortress Ben Haim stands firm, supported by Kanu's legal case, that is hanging over Birch's head like a flimsy paper bag full of steaming pig ****.

Does that suggest that they have 2,600 pledges plus £630K from others? They expect that to translate into £2.6M of capital - not enough to cover their offer for the ground, an offer that has so far been ignored. They have £1M in the bank, presumably to be released at £43K a game? I spy one or two little caveats that were glossed over yesterday...they obviously need the PP to repay any loan, the transfer fees outstanding are £1.75M - and they will defer payment of £350K of CVA until the next PP. My earlier guesstimate on their projected income is pretty close to theirs, though they will be asking UnAppy to assemble a squad of 25 players with an average wage of approx £1,500 a week. Was that the sound of Howard etc speeding up the M275? IMO the whole offer looks underfunded and relies on far too many uncontrollable factors coming together in seven days. Desperate might sound a bit harsh, optimistic would cover it.

Mr Fanshawe said today there is £1M in escrow. I was also surprised when the bloke on the top table announced that 'it's difficult getting people to pay £1000, which they will never see again' More cash into a black hole? No real benefit for coughing up cash? the following analysis is for hardcore nutjobs only so if you struggle with concentration, or fear talking to girls, rather than reading on you might be better off playing computer games or watching tennis ...... Their plans seem to involve spreading ALL debt longterm, so let's budget for three seasons. They want to spend £2.75M on the ground, plus maybe £500K keeping it legal and full of fat - all well and good if Chinny wants to write off £15M knowing that there is still £11M out there somewhere. The council will want maybe £300K in interest on that one year loan - even though they confirmed that they don't do loans of that sort. Players have to agree £2M - which they won't. Transfer payments still due I would estimate at £3M to tie up with Birch claims re PPs. Deferred wages deals already agreed that need servicing - £2M? Let's say the ruling, when it comes, gives Kanu £1M. CVA £850K. Wagebill, to cover all staff and loan fees - £4M x 3? Utilities, overheads and travel etc for three years - £3M? Tax and NI - £1.5M. That's approx £9M a season. Let's assume the Trust put ALL problems aside and take control, the fans are happy and come back in some number, maybe they could sell 7,000 season tickets and have 12k gates? With that, plus TV and sponsors, they could have an income of maybe £7M a year? Income = £21M + £11M in PP + £3M in pledges (their claimed figures today) This dream scenario where all people take a massive hit gives them a profit. But 6000 season tickets and 10K gates will put them firmly in the red and trading insolvently. So as long as players are happy to give their PP money to the club, and the fans half-pack the park, they will be fine. What could go wrong?

UnAppy seeks meeting? But I'd like to think over the next few days I would be given the opportunity to speak to Portpin and come up with a different solution. I am coming at it from a different perspective and that's what I'm going to try and do That one sentence tells us 1. He has no meeting arranged. 2. He has no idea of a budget so cannot make ANY offers. 3. Birch has left him out of the loop completely. 4. There is NO forward planning. 5. It's all a bit chaotic, and time is running out faster than Avram will in a police raid. Meanwhile, the Trust are about to unveil the slowest emergency bid ever tabled. Expect a hint more for creditors than Chinny, no thought about paying him off, a promise of funding that they don't actually have, a token rich bloke who probably owns a plumbing company or timber merchants, and some vague claims about being self-sustaining and buying land they cannot afford. Add in some plucky spin about the fans and a pioneering structure that will change international football forever, and we have a bucket of nothing in particular. I miss all the underwater stuff and the Harbourdome.

taking 1,000 to Hampshire's second club with fat-free pipes on a summer evening certainly makes you the best fans in Europe - yes, that's an away support to rival Galatasaray or Celtic. Though shouting wan£er at one of your own plucky heroes in blue does make you look a little bit confused... You arrogantly celebrated his loyalty in January, using his love of his ridiculous wage packet as a positive - now you've done a massive U-turn and hope that no one has noticed. Well we have. Good idea on the stamps - will there be a first day cover costing a pound that just has a solitary .4p stamp on it? Perhaps with a picture of Avram pleasuring himself behind a skip full of laundered cash - as a motability scooter passes by.

When I got up this morning I thought, shall I go to Wimbledon and pay money to hang out with toffs supporting an overated underachiever in a sport cherished by middle-aged ladies, or shall I go and join the mass hysteria on the streets supporting the man who won the brutal Tour de France, and who was going to ruthlessly put his opponents to the sword and write history?....mmmm, difficult... Let's just say that four hours on a pavement in Esher was worth every minute.

Greg Halford offering business advice? A man who can't trap a bag of cement in his own discipline shouldn't drift out of his comfort zone. Tomorrow, Dave Kitson explains how the development of the scatter cushion revolutionised caravaning. Meanwhile I'm off to see Wiggins win us a gold, so keep prodding them while I'm out.

POMPEY joint-administrator Bryan Jackson believes there is no reason why the club cannot be owned by the fans. He has been working behind the scenes while partner Trevor Birch works round the clock to secure the club’s future. Talking to The News, Mr Jackson revealed Pompey’s situation is ‘still critical’, adding the contracts of the three remaining players were ‘sticky’. Anyone who references the clock and the fatty pipes in a press interview is just winning a bet with one of their mates! ‘We’re not against them, we are trying to compromise and it’s about getting them to believe that if we close down they won’t get a penny. Yes mate, it's about misleading them!

£14M to come sounds great, but Birch said a while back that they were down to the last £4M-£7M when you take into account the football creditors. He has increased that debt since, so I'm not sure there will be a great deal to fight over soon. As they have lived comfortably in debt for years, their main problem now must be time. They can delay creditors, and defer wages and transfer fees - but they can't defer the season kicking off. Let's put the whole ownership issue aside and assume that they still intend to enter League One next season... They have less than three weeks to convince the authorities that they are solvent and can complete a season, even though Birch has proclaimed from the rooftops that it is unlikely that they can. In the same timeframe, if allowed, they have to source players. This could be difficult because its only the runt of the litter that is still homeless in August. Though I'm sure any players desperate to work for free because their career is in terminal decline post-armed robbery/rape-conviction, will be re-packaged for the few as proven target man captured from under the nose of Chelsea and Man City. Let's have a massive leap of faith and assume that UnAppy does have quality players up his sleeve and they do start the season. He'll have to convince them to work for low wages, perhaps he'll have to take a risk on a few non-league youngsters to meet his budget, either way he has NO time to sort a team - and we saw how good his judgement was on who won the competition to go on a free holiday with him. The squad will be threadbare, and as we know, the games come thick and fast and every fecker wants to turn you over. Come December they'll only have half a bench for two games a week, and I reckon they'll still be trading at a loss. So whatever Chinny or the Trust does, unless they can pump some new money in, they MUST be heading for a proper struggle, and we know how that fickle fanbase love abandoning ship when the going gets tough. 'Difficult' season, poor gates, fatty pipes, those deferred debts looming... Business as usual - same ****, different division.

what's this sudden 'deal' with Kanu? Did I doze off and miss ten pages?? It sounds like Birch is saying the nasty cartoon villain has left -driven away by the brave battling few, he's claiming a great victory. Has Kanu really gone, or is he still in a legal dispute with his employer and refusing to return off garden leave until it's sorted? I'd be astonished if the plucky players ever see a single penny of their deferred wages - like the creditors before them, they have voted for their plums to get a sturdy kicking. The club has a culture of institutionalised self-harming. regards Astonished and confused of Nutjobtown.