rallyboy

while some of you are feeling smug, let's dish out some blame...the nominations for who did the most damage to plucky old pompey - Mandaric - started the ball rolling with over-inflated contracts followed by legging it when the writing was on the wall, and he sold to lunatics. Promised a stadium, knocked down a shed. Skate hero rating, 9. Storrie - Pete me old mucker, was at the helm of the train crash when it really jumped the rails - dished out more ridiculous contracts than Avram used johnnies. Didn't kill anyone but was found next to the body with a knife in his hand so many times it got silly. Skate hero rating, was once 10, now about 2. Mush. Arry - bled the club dry, imposed crazy transfer policy that seemed to benefit him more than the club, legged it at first sound of sirens. Skate hero rating, was 10, now 0. Gaydamak - maimed children for a living, never spoke, his ownership was illegal from day one. Skate hero rating - see Arry. Al Fahim - sold many cornettos and mini milks, refused to wear an XXXL, may well be the only person who ever actually put some money in, even though he was a potless fantasist, did pop up again when he saw the recent selling price. Skate hero rating 3. Al Faraj - didn't rip the fans off, didn't sign anyone on ludicrous contracts, didn't steal from charities, didn't exist. Not on the pitch long enough to judge - in fact was never on the pitch. CSI - were revealed as criminals on here within one minute of appearing, to everyone's surprise down east, they later turned out to be criminals. Skate hero rating - see Arry. Chanrai - loaned money at crazy rate for personal gain all dressed up as a friendly businessman helping out, covered himself by securing anything not nailed down, never quite fell in love with the club, seems to have come a cropper. Skate hero rating - never that popular, anything between 0 and 6. AA - Chinny paid cash, AA danced like a little puppet. Pulled some cracking stunts along the way, signed some nice photos. Skate hero rating - 10 when signing autographs, about 1 when representing CSI. Birch - has told them what they want to hear at every turn, Skate hero rating - about 1 after today. Lampitt - truly woeful performance in every department, worryingly inept, Skate hero rating, was 9, currently 0. Grant - set a new record for consecutive defeats, made an awful speech, poked little Avram in some crack addicts and asked his wife to say it was okay. We couldn't take his spirit but we also could watch him relegate two clubs quicker than he could drop his baggy Y-fronts behind an oil tank, an appalling record as coach and husband, Skate hero rating 10. Cotterill - the coaching genius who kept them up against the plucky odds, thought his side should have won every game, really odd interviews, terrible record, suicidal transfer policy, Skate hero rating, 10 the day before he left, 1 the following morning. UnAppy - poor record as a manager, talked sense early doors but has bought in to the spin and delusion of late, has a holiday in Gibraltar to look forward to, Skate hero rating 10. The Players - were offered crazy deals, couldn't resist and why should they, Skate hero rating, was 10 during loyal plucky January non-transfer window, about 1 now. The fans - if we put aside the laughable claims and bear in mind there are several levels of delusion/sense, they have stood around in numbers and applauded every raping, and they still distance themselves from all woes, yet they give themselves a 10... The football authorities - dished out nasty penalties, didn't stop them getting into bed with criminals, told refs to give decisions against them, etc, yawn. Skate hero rating 0. The PTS thread - nutjobs claiming to be experts, have called a lot of things right, and some things wrong, have annoyed many Skates, and the league got so fed up they took action - best moments, too many Ho ones to list, and when one of their own said they were all nutjobs and the thread was over bang in the middle of a pompey crisis - he knows who he is, and so do we! No rating on the Skate hero-meter. Did I miss anyone? -there were other supporting roles but I think that's the ones that did the main damage, up to this point. So as a personal choice, I would suggest that few pompey staff escape criticism but if I was looking at who has damaged the club the most, I would go for Storrie and Arry as a team, but the club might have been in much better shape had Lampitt not chucked it over a second cliff. In fact, the man who gave out contracts that could never be honoured, oversaw the theft from charities and welcomed organised crime with open arms must be up for the top award. I would love to give thanks to all of the above as they have all damaged pfc, but for me, Lampitt is the man who found a seriously injured dog in the street and instead of calling a vet, he held it so Avram could have a go, then he shot it in the face, using stolen firearms. Step up Mr Integrity, and don't forget to register your wages above the charity cash en route - we can't have those pesky wheelchair kids keeping your snout out of the trough. Hindsight is a great thing. Who could have realised that having outgoings that dwarf your income, trading insolvently, pursuing a suicidal transfer policy, taking money from loan sharks, doing business with arms dealers, or getting in bed with the mafia could end in tears. If only there had been some clues. You have to feel sorry for them, especially after they've been so nice to us. God bless the FL.

well, there's a development. A dash of affordable housing and a retail park I would imagine. Words you think you will never type? - well done Football League! We always had faith in you to dispense justice, even though the points penalty does look a little modest. If ever they needed a multi-billion pound underwater casino and Saab dealership incorporating a Mr Clive and internationally-recognised monkey-chicken petting zoo consortium to step out of the shadows, today is that day.

whatever delayed payment plan has been agreed with Mullins, I'll wager he never sees a single penny of it. It's not much of a firesale of playing talent, more like curious passers-by just helping themselves to stuff out of a skip. What became of UnAppy's promise of three players out earlier in the week and the embargo lifted? I reckon he needs to watch out because pompey coaching hero quality over quantity Clotterill is ready to ride back into town to save the day. Presumably he's doing a press conference somewhere refusing to accept that he's been sacked and explaining how in real terms he's actually been promoted.

Kanu's joined Public Enemy? Is that where Chuck D Norris is going as well? Can we expect an ironic re-release of Don't Believe the Hype?... Yo, MC Birch is da man.

pompey preaching about morals, UnAppy telling us players have breached their contracts, Avram setting up a marriage guidance counselling service, Al Fahim telling us to buy larger shirts, Storrie telling us not to rely so heavily on credit as might overstretch ourselves, Lampitt emphasising the wisdom of adhering to a strict budget......difficult to spot the odd ones out. We just need Gaydamak releasing his version of Give Peace a Chance surrounded by one-legged child dancers and we've seen it all.

as if this saga wasn't complicated already! Anyone know what on earth the arms dealers are up to this time? I can see the reason for spinning the availability of this land as a positive thing for selling the club, but it isn't quite that simple. A company interested in developing the whole site will be excited at the prospect of a bigger bundle but Birch is trying to sell a business with horrendous issues, not a strip of development land. Unless of course a chronically-shy billionaire pompey fan pops up now and offers to build a new stadium. The land also appears to be at the heart of a massive legal wrangle that will go on for ages, so if anything it is of less use to the club than it was when owned by the child-maimer. So immediate thought is that if the legal situation can be clarified, it will be a nice little purchase for someone, post-liquidation. But not much use now. Unless someone can spot a clever stunt that the main players are actually pulling here?....

I agree with Si re PPs and FC rule, and Aint makes an interesting point about distribution - that could work. In liquidation the football clubs owed money may have had it, but the players will become the property of the FL and thus their outstanding monies will not be easily ignored. They may have to get old payments built into new contracts, but they will have leverage as they are free agents of sorts. Complications might arise if say pompey still owe money for a player. The old selling club might have a claim on them as it is goods that has been defaulted on. Tis a big bumper drum of worms that no one wants to open! The current game of poker is simpler. If the club exists they will get millions in PP money. The players are entitled to this money. If they let the club rip them off, the club gets the PPs and makes a fortune out of them. If the players demand the PP money, the club will fold and there will be no PP money. The club cannot afford to blink, the players have every right not to blink. They are locked in a big suicide pact.

UnAppy launches his entry for Understatement of the Year 2012. Probably it’s about sorting out a couple of quid here or there. Yes it's that simple, and that's why the three of them will be gone in the next 48 hours....

don't be fooled by the headline, when you get in among the facts it seems little has changed. There were three players who would be going over the weekend, that didn't happen either. Kanu is still out there somewhere and Mokoena, who was reported as a former hero three weeks ago, is still in negotiations - the BBC seems to be highlighting the bombshell that the pair have played their last games for pompey. - not that they've had their last pay packets. Business as usual - insolvent.

by making that statement the manager has just driven the team bus through the recently re-inforced in law football creditors regulations. I suggest he delivers the golden share back to the FL tomorrow and shuts the gates, as that course of action will render them no longer a football club. If anyone is getting bad advice it's someone who thinks the players will leave without getting their money - so I'm sure he didn't mean that.....

those quotes about Maradona and Eto are just comedy gold. You can't come back from those and be taken seriously. There's been so much good stuff on here that you forget some of the classics. And those arrogant and clearly bonkers claims just fuelled this thread. Most pompey fans I stumble across keep their mouths shut and if they say anything it's an admission of shame about what has gone on - and if they behave like that I leave them in peace....sort of. But.....the gobby, deluded, sister-bothering, cross-eyed, recreation-ground-trespassing, council-padlock-bolt-cropping inbreds who spout all this Maradona/Harbourdome/billionaire consortium around the next corner madness, or claim that their situation was the same as ours ....it's that retarded bunch that have inspired nutjobs everywhere to rise up and challenge their drivel. If they had just shut the f^ck up early doors, this thread would have faded away. So my advice to them would be - look at the league tables, be a little humble, take your fingers out of your ears and face the truth. Your club has been criminally-run, and you stood by and watched it happen. The swing in our league positions has been enormous, we've got a tough season ahead and we are realistic about it, but we've had great fun and someone mentioned earlier that I think we may be the ones who are laughing now. Much of that gloating has been in retaliation for those hilarious -10 in Southampton teeshirts and the abuse of Ted etc. You celebrated the arrival of every new criminal, the club has been cheating all the way from the Championship upwards and downwards - and you were happy to ignore the crimes when things were going well. Clutch the memory of those Wembley trips tightly, they may have to last you a while. And just tell me once again that the complete destruction of your once proud football club in return for a meagre 1-0 win over a bankrupt midtable Championship side was a good deal for the fans...go on. And this time say it like you believe it. Three years of laughs, and despite what some have said, it ain't over yet - there are more chapters to be writ, more pants to be wet, more coffee to be spat. Let's start tomorrow with the PR explanation as to why the three players haven't left over the weekend as suggested, why the coach hasn't joined, and why the embargo hasn't been lifted - throw in a dash of random loyal player pledging his future to help the battling manager's plucky troops, and the saga will live on. We have a holiday to Gibraltar to be paid for, more wages deferred, running costs stacking up, all on the back of the bestest fans in world football and the leading coaching set up in the country....yeah, loads more laughs. Don't move along, plenty to see here.

and if we revisit the historic first post... This is not a wind-up. I don't usually "do" gloating but with the mod's permission can I indulge myself just a little? A little?!... I think it's fair to say we've taken our own Alan Patridge plate, filled our boots from the gloating buffet - and been back numerous times. Yet 1317 pages later, they are not an inch closer to stability. Happy Birthday PTS, and congrats to the proud dad FF. How's that brief summary of the whole thread going?...

if Kanu is only on £6K a week I'm a fricking total football expert who can coach the academy side to promotion! I know they tried to stitch him by spreading his wages over an extra year, now they are trying to steal the rest from the poor fella. He's gonna end up at a glue factory or in pet food, the least they could do is pay him what he's owed. If players are on six times his wage he has every right to be miffed. Glad we didn't treat Bobby Stokes like that. I don't know why they're worried , according to their latest press release all their major problems are scheduled to be solved by Tuesday teatime.

And the football authorities still gloss over the fact that he took control of pompey using stolen money. Oh well. Methinks pompey just tried to pull a fast one by sneaking a player in dressed as a coach... Nice try, but the FL are finally wising up to their ways. And those three will be gone by Monday will they? Now that would be a bombshell, in the traditional sense of the word. So just to clarify things - next week, the problem with the coach will be sorted, three big earners will be gone, and the transfer restrictions will be lifted.... Yeah, that all seems likely.

the national media still don't quite get the CVA situation and the fact that not a penny has been paid, and the current offer isn't a simple 2p in the £ - then again not many of the few have bothered to understand either. Everything will be fine, all income is ringfenced, something will come up etc.... It's only nutjobs on here who have got to grips with the detail. I've corrected one of the mistakes.... Scott Mclachlan, a PST spokesman, said: ‘We do not want to start again unless the club is liquidated. It is all about saving a club with its TWO year history.’

if we are looking for predictions can I suggest that sometime in the next two days the following will occur. 1. Those nasty pompey players will be cast as villains who refuse to work for nothing. 2. UnAppy will say something motivational with no basis of fact. 3. The few will be praised for their incredible take up of 4,500 season tickets and heralded as the bestest ever in a thinly-veiled desperate plea for sales. 4. The News will use an over-the-top motivational term that even makes them chuckle with shame as they type it - my money is on 'battling', or a repeat of 'troops'. 5. Ben Haim's limbs will be found in a bin bag. 6. A player will be linked to a free departure - not only will his leaving be re-packaged as a great transfer deal on pompey's terms, the response from the fans will be that yesterday's plucky hero is now rubbish, and if he doesn't want to play in the third tier with no chance of getting paid they are better off selling him. 7. They will be linked with a player who is way out of their price range. 8. A player will pledge his loyalty in a hollow and pointless gesture. 9. The debt will increase. 10. Nothing constructive will actually happen. Not really stuck my neck out there! Re the Official Plucky Bestest Dictionary, if the media do need some fresh words for this sorry affair I would like to see 'beleaguered' wheeled out again - though 'threadbare' is an old favourite that must be warming up on the sidelines.

To discourage neighbour's cats I found that a single blow to their face with a spade works well. It won't stop the crapping, in fact the opposite - the sight of you running at them wielding a weapon may in the immediate short term increase the problem - but hearing the resultant musical note echoing around the garden that says 'cat + spade' will make you feel better. If that doesn't work try a golf club. A 7 iron should do it. And if you're worried about injuries, wear gloves and sturdy boots.

yeah that was funny - though it might not be Ben Haim but their new keeper, it might explain why he doesn't catch much. If CSI were still in charge they would have reached agreements with ALL players by now....

interesting development there... We all have a laugh about Ben Haim having gold door handles on his stretch Hummer but Lawrence gives the distinct impression that having his wages cut from £20K to £5K meant they could no longer justify renting in Warsash and had to save some money and move to Stoke. Birch has done well to cause footballers financial hardship, and poor old Lawrence even worked in the ticket office for him. One could observe that Lawrence may have been offered two contracts when he signed. A solvent club might have offered him £12K a week, but he chose the £20K a week from a clearly insolvent club that looked like it was STILL in serious trouble. Ditto UnAppy. Despite spin to the contrary, his job has changed little since he joined. At the time of his interview, his potential employers were suspected to be laundering money for organised crime. What could go wrong? I struggle to find much sympathy for people who have made poor decisions based on greed, and then whinge when the obvious problems occur. Then again I'm miserable like that.

no, they have been linked to some sort of non-league keeper who couldn't catch genital herpes in Paulsgrove and gets nosebleeds if there are more than 300 people watching - he claims he's signed and his dreams have been realised, UnAppy says he's 'looking at him'. Presumably he hasn't heard of YouTube. Today they stole £30K off their own supporters, so who knows what new depth of shame tomorrow holds. Either way the criminality and merriment is set to continue as long as the FL and UK authorities allow them to trade insolvently.

Poor old Fahim, abandoning his dream to help...and to take control. I suspect the skimpily-clad, tubby cornet-vendor's stumbling block was the Trust's ambitious small print - that anyone who puts in big money has no benefit. From what I've seen, if you throw a million down the black hole, in reality you get the same status and power in the brave new world as the £1000 donor. The Trust plans still look flawed and desperate*, and that's why it's a non-starter. As Neil Sedaka famously sang on a demo tape that evolved into a single, Chinny's the only game in town. Mr Fanshawe's plea to ignore the football creditor rule is an interesting policy to pursue as well.... They can do that. But they won't have a league to play in. And in other news, I believe that Antonov is in a court room VERY soon for his extradition hearing. *Flawed and Desperate were also the financial advisors that Storrie used for budgeting - Mr Flawed went on to write the new Fit and PP test, while Mr Desperate still helps pompey as a PR consultant.

Joint administrator Trevor Birch said: “We’ve already had an incredible response from fans for season tickets, which demonstrates once again the strength of the club’s support. No you haven't, but yes it does demonstrate the strength of support. “The atmosphere inside Fratton Park was unbelievable last term and I’m sure we’ll recreate that again for the new season. No it wasn't, and yes, you will recreate that. Estimated matchday income from season ticket holders? £50K. Estimated matchday income in total - £150K? That will equate to about £72K a week. Current wagebill - £182K a week. I'm still not sure that the figures stack up...

meanwhile UnAppy the hero has bravely declared that he's battling on and won't be tempted by all the big clubs who are queuing up to whisk him away from the fortress of fat. The loyal coaching genius has turned down loads of job offers apparently... ‘The thing is I know it has been frustrating at times but I enjoy my job. ‘I still get up every day and want to go into work. ‘I am a young man, I am in no hurry. ‘To me it does not matter how long I am here – and if I am still here in five or six years we will be in a different league and stabilised. ‘I want to be in the football business for the next 25 years – this is my first job, a job I intend to create a legacy. ‘If I can do that it will be good for me and good for Portsmouth. Then he slips in the key message to agents everywhere.... ‘It would have to take a very, very, very good offer for me to leave Which translates as - come and get me asap, please! But still the comments underneath this press release gloss over how he's heroically guided one of the most expensive teams in the league to relegation. Yep, just like they loved Cotterill, and relegation expert Avram, UnAppy is the greatest manager of all time. But the difference this time is he's supported by the best training set up in the country, and of course the bestest fans in the history of world football - so the future is looking rosy! No, not the dog, nor the shelf stacker.

yeah, the only one of those three options that won't cost them a penny is the free tickets - I wonder which one will win the secret poll! Though it would be funny if they took money to put in disabled facilities and just kept it. Standard practice down that way, but it would be an eyeopener for Npower and another deafening alarm bell for the FL to ignore. How's the Unpack the Pipes campaign going? I thought it was a community project to improve diet when they asked for commercial sponsorship to shift the fat. It must be going as well as the Unload the Deadwood initiative. Either way it's great to hear all these little rallying calls, they motivate, distract from reality, and create a buzz that leads to massive season ticket sales, and it's this sort of plucky talk that has put the Trust in such a strong position.

just came across this little gem from a pompey programme. Urgent, keep us afloat It is so warming as we come to the end of this ill-fated season, to see such a good response to our fund-raising appeal. You can see the next three months amount to the most critical fund-raising time in the club's history. Vitally, we also need helpers to do a few hours a week for us as a labour of love to carry out the ideas. Indeed the wages of all of our efforts will be that our ship stays afloat. Take this very seriously. For our cause has never been greater. In the same programme the pompey manager says our youngsters breaking through promises much for the future. He also thanks the fans - At that time we had not won a home game, were right in the basement, but the faithful army was there each time and stuck with us to the bitter end. Little has been learned in the 36 years since this was written on 17.4.76. The plucky bestest attendances were mainly in single figures that season, the stadium was falling down, they were relegated to the third tier as their main rivals made headlines, and the club was insolvent. And they didn't know then that we were about to ruin their relegation a little more by winning the cup a fortnight later! You can either learn from the mistakes of history or continue repeating them until someone liquidates you. Much as I enjoyed 76 I would feel a bit disheartened if we hadn't progressed as a club since. IF they start the new season they will be rolling back the years - pretty much back to where they were in 1976. And they were wrong back then, the chances of the ship sinking are far greater now.