tony13579

I thought I had upset The Maffia when I found dead horse between the sheets.... Turned out to be a Tescos Lasange

A lasagne walks into the pub and the barman says "why the long face"

http://www.portsmouth.vitalfootball.co.uk/article.asp?a=533256 Pompey prediction league! That must be a barrel of laughs... Lynching the winner of the competition for best prediction of the 19 games without a win

As usual he is looking in the wrong place. The station is "No Smoking"

I have a 3 bed house to let near Aldermoor shops ready April 2 double bedrooms, 1 single Very short walk to the general Onstreet parking , no restrictions It is undergoing a full refit including new kitchen diner Full rewire new combi/condensing boiler 50mm wall insulation,200mm roof insulation new floorings It has an enclosed rear garden and shed condition will be A1 , bathroom is miniscule! £775 pcm If I dont involve an agent It would suite a family or being shared by hospital workers. I need a plasterer to smooth all the artex I also need a gas safe fitter to change the boiler remove the tank.

as Tescos, Sainsburys, both run loyalty cards. we should be able to get records searched and refunds for all the mis-sold products

Why have we allways had Horse Radish sauce with beef...... Did they know something

Will the outgoing pope be known as Ex Benedict?

I wonder if they could combine the papal smoke symbols and the PFC Toaster celibration

Will the outgoing pope be known as Ex Benedict

The Pope is resigning at the end of the month. There is no truth in the rumour that he intends to buy PFC.

A farmer named Seamus had a car accident. In court, the lorry company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Seamus. 'Didn't you say to the Police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor. Seamus responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the...' 'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just Answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?' Seamus said, 'Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road....' The solicitor interrupted again and said, 'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.' By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Seamus's answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'. Seamus thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the road when this huge lorry and trailer came through a stop sign and hit my trailer right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the policeman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feeling?' 'Now what the F*ck would you say?'

.......

I don't think there are any nasty areas around Winchester. Its all about which nice area you can afford. Arlesford Winchester Romsey Twyford are all very expensive. Chandlers ford north baddesley you can get more for your money. Do you need schools, walking areas, supermarkets.

on a serious note, My mum died of CJD. if they can't keep horse meat out of beef burgers how do we know that the beef is up to any standard?

New tag line From Stable to table ....

They could sell them to a pub chain.....Hungry Horse

This guy is starting to make Joseph Carla look a better option

like this

Most of the bookies are offering 9:1 odds on a Pompey win :-)

They can't count them any more due to the webbed fingers and toes

Err...... nope.

.... Training facilities include 1 qualcast push mower aquired from freecycle.... someone has to cut the grass and it will be handy when the leccy gets cut off...

ok... so thats a fridge, and a few excersie bikes squeezed somewhere between the fatpipes... Like scared pit ponies they will be lead out of the dark on to the grass and daylight on match days to the roar of Fratton Faithfull... Oh (edit: must type faster)

This was not a real crime. It was the M11 speed camera http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1227998/Speed-camera-rakes-500-000-year-blamed-doubling-motorway-casualties.html