Frank's cousin

True, but every single thread has the same feckin joke... the same inane playgound bullying tactics, by the same fricken morons...

To Paraphrase our old 'leader'; 'I'm affraid good ship SWF is under attack from the klingons from the UI, and their 'no owner is ever good enough for saints' rhetoric... unfortunately having had two promotions in two years and back in the prem in 3, the usual shiedt aimed at the Chairman would lack any credibilty as its sounds like a load of school girls whining...so their cunning plan is to try and undermine any positivity or aspiration shown, by taking the pi ss out of posters that like the positive aspiration the club is showing - fickle and pathetic...

Been to see East Fife and also St Johnston a couple of times...thats like watching non-league

Nah 'when you walk....through a storm...hold your head up high.... '

Paros - 2 weeks, no money, OK, but grim reality setting in that it was all over - life was going to get hard, complicated, and responsibilty would feature .... end of era misery that seemed to cloud the trip - Good story of my friend (and later best man) attempting 'unification' with Germany on the beach, only to be 'disturbed' by a 'large' alsation that saw his humping arse as fair game....

Surely we need to know what colour underpants (sorry 'kecks' now we are scousers) need to be worn with the red shorts, white or are they going for a cool black? Oh and I see some are worried that the players might not like it.... we wake up you players - if you are shiedt next season and start blaming the kit, we will laugh at you like we did at Manure and their grey shirt excuse.... so dont go betting all 'pansy' on us. Also its gret we have not revealed a 3rd kit as it will allow for a further thread or extension of this one.... but a long way to go efore it catches up with PTS... 'thread envy' is driving this I can tell.

Nah... spent all morning shopping with the Mrs... so mind is numb... staring vacantly at the screen - will feel better after a beer

EPISODE 304 ...some time later. NC has been playing Football Manager on his PC... he is a little agitated as Saints have just sacked him for the 3rd time in 3 seasons. NC: FECK, FECK, FECK... Adkins gets promoted twice, it cant be that difficult, stupid fecking game...these algorthms are all wrong - its that MLTs fault... Another sheepish Knock NC: (Agitated) What the F*** is it now? Underling: Boss, tis the forum again...meltdown, it looks bad I tell you. sir NC: Jeez fecking mother Christos... please tell me its not the shirts again? Underling: Yes Boss, sorry Boss... appears some are not Happy with the shorts being Red..... NC: F**KING Shorts (Shouting) - Who the feck is interested in shorts, are these grown men going to fecking buy them anyway? We only stock them for the fricken wierdos, what is fricken wrong with zees people, fricken bed sit living, internet obsessed window lickers? Underling: Sir, Sir, should we really be talking about our most loyal fans like ziss? NC: Loyal fricken fans? feckin tight wad ****s the lot of them, complain about parking, complain about admin fees... Jeez anything else? Underling:.... er yes boss... er the stripes sir NC: What about the fricken stripes? Underling: Er well...er thing is, theys say that there ...er.... aren't any? NC (Explodes with rage) AREN'T ANY? are they all fricken blind? Can they not see the beautiful, classy pin stripes; Can they not see the we have finally given them something stylish to wear that might hide their fat fricken arses, Jeez have these f*ckers no style? (brushes a few crumbs from the lapel of his bespoke tailored Italian wool designer suit) Underling: ...and they think it looks like a Liverpool shirt sir...from the 1980s NC (silent for a moment, in contemplation): ... Liverpool? Who the feck are they? Won a few titles with some sad permed fricken hub cap steeling porn star lookie likies 30 years ago and they think there a big club? Underling: well they have won the European cup a few times boss NC: Shut the feck up about Liverpool, we are bigger than Liverpool, and more stylish... people know this and will just say they ripped US off not the other way round, especially when we win the Champions league for the 5th time Underling: You really thing we can do this boss? NC: YOU DARE TO DOUBT ME? Underling: sorry boss, er... just that you know.. (he is interupted as there is another knock on the Door) NC: Come in The door opens and in walks a strange bespectabled figure, slighly grey hair with a massive grin on his face NC: Ar... welcome it is good to have our 'enforcer' back again... good to see you... Nigel, how was your 'holiday' Nigel: Great to be back, went well, not perfect, but definately 5 positives and one negative... NC Cuts him off; Good , glad you enjoyed. Unfortunately we need you on the front line again? Nigel: How can I be of service. NC: Its the forum fans again: Nigel: Great group of lads, hard working, very positive, always, well maybe not all teh time, but very positive...well Ok must admit, Ok...er yes ..er true, can be a bit negative sometimes... well some all the time, but still.. er great bunch of lads , really good spirit. NC: Nigel please... Nigel: Sorry Boss NC: I need you to take care of some business for me Nigel: anything sir NC: It requires your unique 'talent' - (turns to speak to the underling) bring me the list Underling: Here it is sir, over 200 names now - all though the shirt was bad NC, Here that Nige? I give you teh Liverppol shirt to make you and Lamberto feel at home and saty with Saints, and 200 of these ***ts are not happy. Nigel: I see, you want all of them to receive the 'treatment' NC: Yes, no exceptions Nigel: Very good boss, but not sure Mr TF has that kind of Stamina sir? NC: What? He'sdone feck all all season! Nigel: I know boss, but 200? NC: Anyone else in the 'reserves' we can utilise - afterall we are paying the feckers Nigel: Maybe I can find someone boss NC: Good, now get on with it, Report back when its done.. Nigel and the Underrling leave the room.... NC retreats to his desk, swivels on the chair and looks across the Itchen once again.... he thinks of the screams, hes knows that with such power comes great responsibilty, but he cant help but smile when he thinks of what those fans have coming to them.

Meanwhile back at the Cortese Villa... Saturday 8.30am Theres is a sheepish knock on the study door NC: Come in Underling: I bring news sir NC: Good, how many Season Tickets have we sold now? Underling: not that sir, of the the reaction to the new shirt? NC: Why is this news? Underling: Its not good sir NC: I repeat , why is this news? Underling: But..but, sir ... the fans, they dont like it sir? NC: Mhm... who does not like it? Underling (Remains quiet) NC: Come on tell me, or do we need the clamps again? Underling: ...Its...its... the... members of Saintsweb... and even the Mighty FF has spoken - they hate its sir NC: (slowly stands, walks towards the window and stares out across the Itchen) You know, for a moment there, I thought we had a problem. I Like this ..ere what's he called... Duncano? Underling: Duncan, Sir NC: Yes, Duncan...he knows all of the club's history, and he is what they say here 'socialista'? Underling: Yes sir, with a passion NC: ..yet he no like red? Underling: NO sir, says it goes against tradition? NC: I see. Jeez Feck, commie bast, no like red... well first time for everythig I guess - could understand if it was Duney or one of the other tory boyz but Duncs.... Underling: Maybe not sir, nearly 50% of the posters, they hate its sir...and...and worse still, someone has taken over Trousers house and ruined his carpet NC: Trouser? who is this Trousers? Underling: not sure but he has kind face, but dreadful carpet, but was on side sir NC: Carpet, WTF has carpet got to do with anything? Underling: ? NC: Who else dislikes? Underling: Does it matter sir? NC: Does it matter? not really, but we must add them to the list Underling: The list sir? over a shirt? Is that maybe not a bit extreme? NC: You are questioning my descison? Underling: NO sir ...er... of course not...just...well.. just its seems harsh sir NC: Harsh? You think so? (Laughs) - we are on the verge of greatness, promoted 2 times, with plans in place to become a global force and they whinge about a feckin shirt? and you think its harsh they go on the list? Underling: ...well when put like that sir... you wish me to prepare the 'enforcer'? NC: Yes, tell him.... tell him we will need his special talent on this one Underling: Are you sure about this Barone? NC: Yes, Its the one thing he is good at... and it always gets results. Underling: Yes sir... you wish to be informed when he arrives? NC: Yes...but keep it quiet . Underling leaves the office - NC Turns back to his desk and dials a number in Zurich NC: Snr Pizannnini ? Yes, Good, Listen, get me a meeting at Adidas, I think we may have a problem..... (Not) to be continued

Sorry havetaken the liberty to correct that to - only pulling the chain. Fair enough if you dont like, but it is just a shirt - sometimes with these things a little bit of controversy helps spark a bit more interest... bit of a marmite design, but got a feeling we will see a fair few shifted.

True, like I said above the style guide that is Turks and Duney were obviously consulted... The Capitalist approach was taken. It will not ahve escaped NCs notice that y having stripes, it allowed poor working class fans to 'blend in' often wearing stripes from 2001/2 season rather than in vest i a new one.... now anyone in teh ground weraing stripes will be ousted as a cheap'skate' and made to pay double for the Balti Pie... and driven from the club by the self appointed style police.

I have taken the liberty of correcting your statement

Seriously, you heard it here first... ssssh, keep this to yourself, but its... a conspiracy... a cunning plan by NC to finally rid the club of thsoe who he displeases - those that harbour some deep seated resentment for some inexplicable reason... by introducng the Liverppol kit form the 80s, he hopes they will finally go and support Portsmouth and let the club alone to build the new era of glory. Come on you REDs - or he took that literally Or he took one look at the imposter in Trousers's house messing with his carpet, and thought to himself that 'someonze musta introdusa some style to zees Eenglisha fanz' just lika Tukish and Duney = I aska them as Gay men alwaysa gotta style' I tell you its all true as I am ITK on this.

Well you know that some onlt get 'aroused' when they have an opportunity to moan about something... ' Now lets get back on topic, and talk about the Imposter in Trouser's house who is messing with his carpet.

Who is not who..you saying there is an imposter and Trousers is not who he say he is and its not his carpet?

Also his thumb is in a strange position - but is it a kind thumb? Mrs C who likes to think she knows a thing or two about design... does feel that the waves in carpet need sorting pronto Trousers

So what do we think of Trouser's carpet then? Too much Blue? bad fitting? This is the real Story and one that we shoudl be focussing pour attention on. Man up the the real issue boys and girls.

Is this you Trousers? Buctoo is right about the carpet , but Mrs C said you had a 'kind' face....

He will be going completey commando, trialling a new patent protected third 'glove' which featers a single 'finger' and pouch - the EPL have approved this as with new Goal line technology, there shjould be no confusion when the balls cross the line. Kelvin was heard to comment ' will take some getting used to, but I guess some fans will love it, some hate it, and I may fee devensively a little 'exposed' untill we sign a new CB, but I heard that we could only get Ramos if we played in red so should be worth it'

As we have a thread of grown men being a bit...lets say 'emotional' about the club's new kit, it is good to see the Bear Wit take centre stage and bring some much needed perspective.... so tell us Bearsy what's the craic from the creatures in the woods on this one?

Surely its the same every time - like it = buy it, dont like it = dont buy it .... and unless we are all meant to have the exact same opinion (am I the only one who thinks the 80s reverse Ajax Rank xerox kit was er...rank) I can see how the club would never 'please all the people all the time'

Er how do work out that someone consistently in the top 4 in the world is not world class

Not so sure... remember the points deductiona nd golden share granting is at teh descretion of the FL... not a legal issue. If teh FL decide that pompey shuld pay aprice for this, they can o so. Remember our admin... from a purely leagl perspective the club wa snot in admin, but golden share was only granted if we accepted teh points deduction. ..Was just thinking that this sort of issue clearly demonstrates a decent and serious new owner - ML and NC had plans for growth, and a year extra with a a -10 was not going to hinder it... ;-)

Well no prescription charges in Scotland! BUt its a moot point - yes we have relatively small prescription contribution - but when my wife was diagnosed with leukaemia some 17 years go, her treatment cost around £150k - around £20k on drugs and the rest on Bone marrow transplkant and hospitals stay - long time and it was free (well niether of us had paid much tax in then as both early 20s) - unlike in the states where I might not have been able to get that treatment as my sinsureance may only have covered the drugs etc depending on how much I paid per month to the private insurance. The principle of free healthcare like education is to me not a lefty policy, its one of a civilised and humane society. Like all government institutions it suffers from inefficiency and many snouts in the trough, but that is not the fault of the ideal, but one of governments using it as a political football. I would love to see a German type system here, but it will never happen. Culturally we have it ingrained that tax is bad. No one likes high tax, but on the continent they are much more prepared to have higher taxes if it means high qaulity service - especially when it comes to education and health. We simply dont seem to place the same value on it. The German system is not just good because of teh way it is funded, but you cant get away from the fact that they spend nearly 3 times as much per head on it than we do. And its not just drugs (which are a bit more expensive there as they have a freer pricing policy for pharmaceuticals (although restrictions and health technology assessment was introduced last year) as rugs budgets are typically only around 10% of the total healthcare expenditure. We simply dont think of health in the same way - and any party advocating greater taxation for improved healthcare would in effect be committing electorial suicide. I just wish we had a more pragmatic approach and recognised that if we want 1st in class service, we need to be prepared to pay for it - the wealth of a nation should not just be measured in GDP and growth, but in quality of life for its citizens. Benefits over there are also more in line with what you have paid in... been in a job for a while and made redundant, you get 80% of your last salary which then slowly reduces the longer you need to claim. It means you ahve time to find teh right job, without a major nightmarish impact on your family circumstances... its based on what you paid in, not a standrad £69 quid a week which is going to feck up your mortgage. It is funny how on the one hand some say its all teh fault of the economic migrant who...er steel our jobs.... yet its also claimed that they come here for the benefits... which one is it? We do have scroungers in tehis country but teh vast majority are our own nationals, happy to live off the state - the folk that simply dont wnat to take a job and why 600k poles found work - seriously, if 600K poles can find work, why could a 1/3 of the 1.8mil unemployed (as it was back in 2006) not find jobs? Like everyover tax payer, I hate teh idea of paying for scroungers, but I also feel its in part a necessary evil if the state is focussed on supporting those who are in genuine need - there will always be those that take advantage. IMHO its worth putting up with to ensure those in genuine need get what they need. Making sweepng benefit cuts is not always the answer. It should be about being better at filtering out the scroungers and **** takers so the money goes to those who really deserve it....

NOt necessarily an advantage... but a necessity to ensure we dont lose ground and can continiue to attact decent nippers, who would not just be poached to a Cat 1 as soon as promise is shown.