Crouchie's Lawyer

I never take time off work and will only bring myself to go to the doctors if im on the verge of death. Im not really in any physical pain at all and hate people who waste doctors time by going to see them because they sneezed a slightly greener snot that normal. This is why I shall not be frequenting the doctors

Im so addicted to the 'Staries' game but cannot get anywhere near BTF's score of 15k (Its the game on the first page which Bridge Too Far posted the link for)

Ulcer?! How come? And how do I get rid?

Its called SMS - text it, we can do the rest

If you believe they are testicles then I suggest you leave your Husband. His real name is Jennifer. He is infact a she. Testicles are round, hand down in a sack like bag and are approximately the size of plums. HTH

Cant spell it so I will use phonics. Im sure you need to know how to make all the little dots appear above each letter to spell it right and I do not know how to do this. too-shey

Do they serve fur burgers?

Juan

If your not allowed to touch them or if 'deserts' are not included within the price of your meal then I would find this too much of a temptation and would certainly require a real nurse once I have my heart attack!

I had an actimal yoghurt earlier and it hasnt done anything. To be fair I ate it before my tummy sounded like a washing machine chewing a whoopee cushion around the same time I ate the fruit. Each to their own I guess, but I can confirm I will not be trying your remedy's. I would quite happily take the dodgy looks over a bum cucumber. I was waiting for the Aids comment. I dont have those funny brown marks all over my skin so its not Aids.

? What was real? The plane? I wasnt questioning that, just merely pointing out that my stomach sounds like a wookiee is hiding in it!

Cant be arsed to go to the doctors so I think if we put our collective TMS medical knowledge together, we can probably diagnose a few illnesses! Ill start with my recent unwellness. I seem to always have that 'metalic' taste which you get in the pit of your stomach when you're really hungry, except im not hungry. When it comes to eating, I cant seem to eat the amount I normally eat and feel quite sick if I eat my normal amount. I seem to feel like a really want to burp sometimes and have had no problems with this before, yet I cant burp unless I swallow air and make myself burp, but I can only dispell the air I have swallowed thus rendering the 'make yourself burp technique' redundant. I have eaten about 15 grapes a plum, a ham and tomato sarny 2 bags of 'walkers baked' crisps and some weetabix with honey on top today, yet my stomach is making very loud noises, to the point where I think people six feet or so away can hear. And it sounds like farts too so im getting funny looks. What could it be?

My tum tum is making weird gurgling noises In before the edit!

She loves my weiner too much to have an illicit encounter. And as much as I would love to post a piccie of my Mrs, I know this is TMS so think ill give it a miss!

Well technically its 5.5 years I have been with her and im 25.75 years old. I was going out drinking when I was 17 so more like 3.25 years of legal drinking. She has no qualms with me holidaying with the lads or going out on town either still so I havent missed out on anything. And, we did have a small break where I had some extra curricular fun about 4 years ago.

Just checking my understanding of the definition of rule one... Its 'picture evidence required' right?

I was waiting for the gibbon that picked up on that. Step up Scudamore to collect your bananna...

Meh I have had my share of fun and when self assessing I believe I can be quite a difficult person to live with. Ergo if my current Mrs puts up with me she must love me long time and I have been with her for nearly 6 years. Plus I want to spawn critters within the next two years so makes sense.

Erm, im getting married next Sept. Ill be 26 going on 27. I do not think I am too young. I would like kids before im 28 as would not like to be generations ahead of my kids. These people who dont have kids until mid to late thirties are sick I tell ya

I'd fluck all three. That is all

These fat @rsed lazy money grabbing feltchers are sat at home waiting for their hardworking hubbys to come home with their days salary in their hands to feed them yet more jimmy choo shoes and give them pocket money for 'ladies wot lunch' they are kicking the hubbys square in the nuts even more so as they are now all cheating too! Women - give em an inch, they take a mile!

Better!

Would the oil yet to be drilled be affected??? :confused: Meh, thinking sminking! Of course we would give you a warning first!

I will slit throats if people try to screw me over on my stag do

Meh, im all for nukin the whole middle east! Would solve a lot of problems and petrol would be a lot cheaper too!