Sheaf Saint

Have you had a bet with someone that you can somehow squeeze this tedious top ten thing into every single f*cking thing you post?

Right, yeah. Just seen it on the Player awards thread. Been away for a couple of days and obviously missed it. Delete please mods!

Really? I must have missed that. When was it announced? What if someone scores from the halfway line on Sunday then?

I know it's a tad premature, as we've still got to play the worst team that the PL has seen in many years yet, but which ones do people reckon are in the running? Off the top of my head I can think of two decent contenders: PEH's at home to Brighton... and Valery's screamer at OT... Anyone got any other nominations?

It was such an obvious dive. Look at the way he lifts both feet off the ground the moment he felt the contact.

In the first third of the season he looked sharp and I thought maybe he might be the signing we wanted him to be. Since his return from injury he hasn't been quite the same but still contributes far more than Austin is capable of. I wonder how much of his drop in performance is down to the impact of Hughes' incredibly slack training regime. Wasn't he unofficially quoted as saying it was like a holiday camp compared to Liverpool?

Forster, Stephens, Elyounoussi. Who's the 4th? Armstrong?

Ever since Stephens came back into the starting lineup. Coincidence?

On the beach? Drowning in the sea more like.

And the BBC team are never wrong are they. He did the one thing that a PL keeper should never, ever do. He parried it straight into the path of danger. It was poor goalkeeping.

Romeu gets his obligatory yellow card. Standard.

Yep. Just a bunch of headless chickens now who can't even string 3 passes together. It's painful to watch.

No.

Forster gets down and makes a low save at his near post this time.

What the hell was Armstrong trying to do there?

Looking slightly improved after the break. We're pegging them back a little bit at least. Still not really threatening their goal though. No shots on target at all so far.

Another low down save from FF. That's twice now with shots of the type that he used to let in regularly.

They're just wrong. As that pathetic giveaway just now demonstrated.

WTF is up with the forum today? Why does it keep trying to post everything I post twice?

If we can just keep them out until HT then there's still a chance we can salvage something from this.

I've never seen him be anything else. Utterly pointless giving him a run out today. He isn't remotely good enough and needs to be moved on this summer.

Armstrong is working hard but not really shown much quality. Has Elyounoussi done anything with the ball at all yet?

Forster saves a low shot destined for the bottom corner. Maybe he has improved his game during his spell out of the first team after all.

Our form and average points per game since RH took over would have us in the top half over a full season. This is clearly not our first choice team playing today.

Hard to tell watching from a televised stream if it's our shape or if it's just lack of quality in possession, but we just don't seem to be making any kind of mark on this game. It's far too easy for West Ham's defence at the moment.