notnowcato

I'd steer clear of thunderstorms for a while if I were you

Legend, you are all ****s

Nothing like stoking the fire eh?? I like him a lot but professionally he leaves a little to be desired.

That's a secret?? Does Arry know???

If it is a culinary masterpiece then obviously it was all my own doing...

I'll never understand women. Some of them don't even bother with the golf. I've got up this morning and her indoors has left a note saying she's gone up the shops and I'd better have made the lunch by the time she gets back or else. She says she wants spaghetti bolognaise. Opened up the fridge. Jesus Christ, have you seen what she's left me with? I'm down to the bare bones and no mistake. There's spaghetti, a tub of pasta sauce, some minced beef, fresh herbs, some parmesan cheese, a bottle of Baron Philippe de Rothschild Opus One Napa Valley 1987 red wine and Claudia Roden's 'Simple Mediterranean Cookery' book! Bloody amateur hour, I'm telling you. How the hell am I supposed to make spaghetti bolognaise with that little lot? I thought there'd be some top, top ingredients in there. Whoever's bought that from the supermarket should be ashamed of themself. It's a mish-mash of lopsided ingredients. The whole recipe has been badly constructed. It's scary, I'm telling you. I'm just standing there swearing and muttering to meself when the phone rings. It's Jeff Powell phoning up to say how brilliant I am and that I'm one of the best cooks of my time and that I could have cooked for England. I have to cut him off though because I've got Brian Woolnough on the other line saying I'm one of the kitchen's great characters and it's a bloody miracle how many meals I've made out of literally nothing. They're saying I'm like a ****ney Jesus, the way I've managed to feed the five thousand with the tiny amount I've had to spend in the supermarket and just my wheeler-dealer know-how. I need some better ingredients and fast. When I saw the wife come home from the shops yesterday with some spaghetti, a tub of pasta sauce, some minced beef, fresh herbs, some parmesan cheese, a bottle of Baron Philippe de Rothschild Opus One Napa Valley 1987 red wine and Claudia Roden's 'Simple Mediterranean Cookery' book, I had no idea that's what would be in the fridge when she asked me to make spaghetti bolognaise. It's a hard job I've got on here this lunchtime believe me. If I can even get anything into a pan it'll be a massive achievement and I know Jeff and Woolly would agree with me. Trouble is the wife can't take criticism. Too precious these days, women. That's the trouble. I'm short of people with the right character in this house. When you're as stretched as I am, a lunch is a massive distraction from the really important meal: dinner. I think I'm just going to have to serve up the pot of pasta sauce with some tap water and just hope for the best. If I can pull this mess round it'll be amazing really.

"...current Conference team Aldershot Town..." Who wrote this?? Lazy, lazy tarts.

Daily Mail takes a pop at the BBC shocker... oh wait a minute.

I doubt it... the bloke has more faces than Big Ben

Arsenal should be alright, as should Liverpool. I can see Juve giving Chelski plenty of problems. I would love to see the Special One tearing up the Manc touchline again.

Bayern Munch look a decent value bet at 18's

I bow to your Star Bars knowledge...

Milk chocolate with a Caramel and Peanut centre. May contain nuts. No raisins.

You should try... you might like

They're a blast from the past but they are appearing again in some newsagents

I fear for the fly... sounds like your mate can take care of herself though. You are of course right, remakes very rarely work... except of course Cape Fear or Assault on Precinct 13 but all too often they end up like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

best ever choc bar in the world, ever. Ever.

Any chance of you recreating this moment in history? Don't worry if your mate or fly can't make it.

Nah, he just seems like a ****

Is Mega Edit the name of your hound?

Strictly speaking this wouldn't be bad for the teeth, you silly clot :smt049

Oh for goodness sake Bridge!! Don't actually put some substance to an argument.. tsk

Source?

Chairman shows signs of sense of humour shock...