Lighthouse

I was going to get a ticket for this, but then I decided that doing sexual favours for sailors down Pompey dockyard for £20 was a far more dignified way to spend my Saturday.

Lots of managers make planned changes on 60 minutes, when Leicester won the league you could set your watch by them bringing on Okazaki for Ulloa (or vice versa, I forget which), that doesn’t mean anything. 2 days off a week and just passing around in triangles in training is complete conjecture, I’ve nothing to say to that. You can choose to believe that Martin let his mates have half the week of and that training was just a jolly for the lads if you like, but going by what we’ve seen on the pitch you would also have to accept that Juric has come in and changed nothing. As it is I don’t think that’s the case at all, I don’t think our players are unfit and it’s not something I need to blame on either manager this season. Our players are quite simply outclassed, low moral and chasing around far superior players. I think some people underestimate the psychology of everything going to sh*t and being in a situation which you know is hopeless.

Pre-season training is just training without the competitive games in between. It’s nothing magical that can’t be replicated mid-season, it’s just training with some friendlies against Grasshopper and Sociedad mixed in. If anything the intensity of playing competitive matches should help players get in shape.

Nigel had a fantastic 2.5 years here but that time has passed and I wouldn’t go back. Put it this way, if he hadn’t managed us 12 years ago and his CV dropped on your desk this morning, would you hire him based on what he’s done since?

I don’t think we’ve really looked unfit as such under either manager this season. The problem has been that we’ve been so obviously outclassed by better players that we end up chasing shadows. We don’t play well, we go behind, heads drop and it gives the appearances of lethargy and that players are unfit and/or not trying.

The Man United game was, for the most part, not that bad. Having a massive injury crisis and an absolute idiot sent off after 80 seconds was always setting us up for a hiding but the ref turned it from a 5/6-0 into a 9-0. You also have to laugh at Bednarek getting the worst ever score in the history of FPL.

Ah fair point, the article I found must have been a year or two old.

29 conceded in 10 games, which extrapolated over a 38 game season would be 110. The current worst in Premier League history is Swindon with 91.

I think it’s one of Musk’s kids.

The top three worst defences in PL history are Swindon - 93/94 - 91 goals* Derby - 07/08 - 89 Fulham - 13/14 - 85 Our defence under Juric, extrapolated over a 38 game season, would concede 114. *They actually conceded 100 goals but that was in a 42 game season. Adjusted to 38 games in line with everyone else they would concede 91

A more accurate WWI analogy would be General Juric marching his troops across no man’s land dressed as Egyptian pharaohs, because the enemy sentries will be on the look out for people in army uniforms.

I think some of you misunderstand, Ivan Juric transcends football. Think of this experience as a sort of ironic kitsch, you don’t have to ‘get it’ as such, just appreciate it for what it is.

The way England bat, probably.

Goals scored by Beattie, Pahars and Marsden, what I wouldn’t give to have them in the team. I don’t mean 20 years ago in their prime, I mean I’d literally have them in the f**king team tonight.

We’re going to need someone who makes Bonnie Blue look like Ann Widdecombe.

To win this we’re going to need a nun so slutty that even Richard Dawkins thinks she needs Jesus.

F**k me! You know those low budget zombie movies which are so bad they’re hilarious? Our starting XIs now have an essence of genuine camp.

Je suis Chelsea.

That clips is actually a perfect amalgamation of recent Saints strikers. There’s the first touch of a shire horse from Tall Paul, the blast it straight at the keeper a yard away and feign disappointment from Adam Armstrong and the ‘just knock it into an empty net from two feet away with any part of your body, except your… oh FFS!’ From Che Adams.

Putin literally offering the Americans stolen material as a bribe for being on their side. F**k me, this situation gets more morally contemptible by the minute.

Remember in the summer when we were supposedly trying to get sign this bloke. Looks every inch the complete Saints striker to me.

Where is this idea coming from that all goalkeepers must definitely be very slow? It’s not 1973 any more, keepers aren’t just the fat kid who was too crap to play outfield at school. Raya is a 29 year old, 6ft professional athlete on one of the toughest fitness and diet regimes in professional sport and unlike JWP hasn’t spent the whole game tirelessly chasing around in midfield.

I don’t think Lineker is interested in management jobs.

Imagine laughing at a player who’s just bust a gut running from his own six yard box to the halfway line, at the end of a 99 minute battle with Rice, Partey and Odegaard, to help his side see out a win at the Emirates. I’d take him over some of the utterly pathetic attempts I’ve seen from our own players to track the runners who stroll casually through our midfield.