Lighthouse

Sure you can, why not? Send TP away to Dubai, Qatar or wherever with a fitness coach, get him doing whatever special fitness thing (I don’t actually know what it is, perhaps you can explain) he should have done in summer but is impossible to do mid-season.

You can’t think of a reason why I’m wrong, can you? Look, I get it, you’re upset because you’ve been beating the ‘Lego is the worst manager ever and it’s all his fault’ drum and now he’s gone everything is still sh*t. If preseasons are so important, why didn’t Juric put him on a special ‘preseason plan’, whatever that entails, when he was first appointed? He’d be fully fit by the time we play United.

That’s not being objective, that’s being deliberately vague to try and make him seem a superficially better player. None of that proves anything; He plays for NI, just like Corry Evans, and came through Man City’s academy, just like Angus Gunn. Would you want to sign either of those two, based on that criteria?

Pre-season is massive because generally speaking footballers go away in May and drink copious amounts of alcohol in Marbella, with Only Fans girls for a month. They come back at the start of July and have roughly five weeks to get match fit for the start of the season. If every other footballer in the country can go from zero to match fit in five weeks, then it’s clearly enough time for Onuachu to recover from whatever you think Martin has done to him. Players recover from injuries mid-season and get fit all the time. If TP can’t that’s on him.

Come the next league (Man Utd) game Martin will have been gone five weeks. You’re going to need to think of a new excuse for why he doesn’t look fit.

Looking at Charles objectively, he’s a mid table Championship player. If he wasn’t already on our books and we signed him now to help keep us up, people on here would rightly blow a fuse at how pathetically low our recruitment department was aiming.

He could be, quite easily, and there’s no reason to think he’d be any better.

It wouldn’t be the worst outcome in the world. I’ve seen quite a few comparisons to Tella, often described in a negative tone, but as far as I’m concerned we turned a tidy profit on a player who never did anything for us. If we do sell it’ll be for a fee which suits us.

He didn’t look ready for Championship football most of the time last season and appears to be just about finding his feet there now. I highly doubt he’d make any noticeable difference to this squad.

What are the rules for third parties owning players, I forget what it was West Ham got done for in that court case with Tevez? Could you set up a limited company that owns players like BBD, Fraser, Armstrong, Bednarek, etc. and just rent them out to whoever gets relegated from the PL for a certain fee, plus wages. There’s a growing niche that’s cropped up for players who are too good for the Championship but not good enough for the PL. I jest but that’s not a long way off their best practical use.

The teeth on packets of cling film.

I’m not under the illusion that Aribo is any good. He’s crap but at least he’s consistently crap, so you know what you’re getting. Les either looks promising or hopeless, it varies every five minutes.

I don’t think he linked to Rothwell that effectively last season but oh well.

That’s odd because other people have been insisting that he’s playing well, holds the ball up and brings others into play. Armstrong may well be too wide buts it’s not as if he’s never close enough to TP to play off him. Players like Dibling and Fernandes are always getting up the pitch around him, so he’s hardly isolated. Sorry, no amount of ‘yeah but you love Martin’ is going to deflect from the elephant in the room. Paul Onuachu is crap.

I’m not sure it’s even about the money, so much as it’s about the appalling lack of awareness surrounding our signings. I could have told you in June that Archer, BBD, Fraser, Wood, McCarthy and Edwards were Championship players and that Lallana’s legs were gone. Taylor and Cornet were just about credible as having done okay for Burnley in the past but clearly aren’t doing it here. That left us hoping that Les and Fernandes were going to provide the extra quality needed to keep the fourth best team in the Championship afloat.

He’s an enigma. I can see why Chelsea paid £22m for him AND I can see how a player as crap as Aribo could keep him out the side.

His time here was massively flattered by a JWP free kick against Chelsea and some atrocious finishing from Leicester. Without that his results would have been right down there with the worst of everything we’ve seen in the PL recently.

We’re already playing three CBs and still leaking goals because of Suga’s howlers. How many more defenders do you want? Face it, you’ve basically been given everything you asked for with TP. He’s starting games, consistently, up front in his favoured position, with other strikers ‘running off him’, we’ve got rid of the tippy-tippy possession manager, replaced him with someone who gets forward early and goes direct, we’ve got Suga there to stick in crosses. You got what you wished for and it’s garbage. He’ll keep getting starts and by the law of averages maybe he will get two or three goals at some point, if he starts every game for the rest of the season. Honestly though, who gives a flying f**k, we can stick Archer or Armstrong up front every game and get the same pitiful results.

It hasn’t ‘lead us’ anywhere. Martin got the results he did with this useless squad of players. Three games into Juric’s tenure, people are already having grumblings and perhaps the worst part is he’s had probably the best three, winnable fixtures a new manager could have prayed for. One day, after two completely different managers with different footballing strategies have had a go, people are going to have to accept that neither of them were the real problem. Remember, Juric came in with a reputation of setting his teams up hard to beat, at a club in a similar quality league to ours. We’ve just shipped five goals at home to the worst away team in the league. Sugawara did any interview saying how great it is that we’re now getting the ball and looking to get it forward asap. We’ve score one goal against West Ham, Palace and Brentford. When will the penny finally drop? We’ve got sh*t players. Not ‘mediocre’, not ‘average’, at this level the vast majority of them are absolute dogsh*t.

And how is Jennifer Lawrence's muff looking these days?

The whole 'never been given chance' thing is starting to wear a bit thin now. I think we can see why no other club in any top league has taken a punt on him before. Banging in a few in the Belgian Lager League doesn't really translate into EPL success.

Hope you're not all Jonesing too badly after all that. (I had no part in fixing anything BTW).

There is no 'man for this job'. We had the fourth best team in the Championship, we came up and bought more Championship players. Not even particularly special ones. This sh*tstorm isn't Juric's fault and it wasn't Martin's either. Neither is blameless but neither is the reason we will go down in history as the joint worst PL team ever.

If you've got Eurosport, a lot of the downhill and biathlon skiing is genuinely pretty exciting.

He's sh*te. One calamity after another. What the f**k he thought he was doing for Brentford's fifth I can't fathom.