Lighthouse

4-1 would keep us out the drop zone on goals scored (above Liverpool).

Saints obviously not in actions but there are plenty of other games to watch. Hoping for an Arsenal loss and a draw between Newcastle and Spuds in the late kick off as they will be our closest rivals for the Champions League places. Today's fixtures: Arsenal - Sunderland Fulham - Norwich QPR - Swansea Reading - Stoke West Brom - Liverpool Wham - Villa Newcastle - Spuds (17.30 KO) For those who still crave a bit of football league action, Pompey's new team of all-stars take on Bompey at Fratton. What's will you be hoping for?

ywaknow?

Nothing we don't know already, just talking about the stuff we've already read today.

I have to say the selection process was very tough. I had some good results in the wind tunnel but could only manage 4th in the swimsuit round and was beaten by JustMike in a penalty shoot-out.

That's probably in Krone. I notice it says 'according to SSN' in that article, so probably nothing new.

I'm sure Poortaloo described BWP and Holmes as the English Torres and Robben.

Right, I'm off out for an hour or so. When I get back I expect to see this bloke signed, along with Buttner and that Kayak fellar from France. Oh and JustMike to be a mod.

We haven't announced he has signed. He could have signed him hours ago.

Meanwhile.... http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/19294388

That would be far too quick a punishment and we'd lose all our money. I'd be much happier replacing all the blue seats with red and white and renting it back to them.

Mike lures children into his gingerbread house, I'm not sure he's the sort of character we want moderating this establishment.

I notice Newcastle have signed Anita from Ajax for 6m euros. Very good signing for them I reckon, thought he ran the show against us the other week.

I think there are much more likely bets out there. Allardyce will have to get West Ham playing a lot better than last season if he is to keep them away from the drop zone. Liverpool managers have a remarkably short lifespan if you're not either a cop legend or top of the league immediately. Laudrup has a tough act to follow at Swansea and has a history of walking away/sackings Redknapp would be proud of. Will AVB be any more popular in the Spuds dressing room than Chelsea? McDermott had a fantastic second half of last season but his overall CV is much weaker than Adkins. Will he be a one-hit-wonder?

Do it Steve!

Bring back Ponty, Saintlee, DSM, Pav and Ric. Oh and Keith.

If you're being sarcastic you're a bit of a fruitcake. If you're not being sarcastic think back to 2005 when we went down expecting to win loads of games 4 or 5 nil.

Really? I mean, seriously? I know she has a nice arse and all but she has a face like a bucket of smashed crabs.

Aged 72, that's treble 16 and double 12

Where were Busted, One True Voice and the Venga Boys FFS!?

Would probably be the best noise she's ever made.

Jessie J singing Queen. F**k off!!

Shame about the "oh by the way, we're multicultural" interuption.

Eric saves the day!

In order: Emma Geri Posh Sporty Mr T