Secret Site Agent

With this one I can point to my Rugby experience where I caused a penalty by handling the ball in the ruck. It was promptly moved 20 yards forwards, 10 for arguing with him, and 10 for not calling him sir, but ref. And, to be honest, another rule from Rugby that would benefit being introduced into footy. Belive me, the arguing with the ref soon becomes a thing of the past, believe me, no matter how agrieved you feel. The first is the video ref, in case you are wondering.

I too would go for Redknapp, and I am surprised how many here would. BUT, the ONE thing I would like to see from any manager is having the guts to say, '*Rooney, you're playing crap, your dropped.' (*Insert over hyped, over payed, underachieving mecenary of your choice here.) All I want is that EVERY ONE of them IS playing for their place, and not just get it by default becasue, '....they play ok for their club and sponsors...i mean fans....love them.' Isn't this what a manger does? Choose those in form in training and playing and, if they are not providing, drop them. I said it before, and I'll say it again, IF you dropped a tiop player like Rooney, Gerrard or Terry for one game, they would work their sock off in training to win back their place and would become one of the best players on the pitch suddenly. And so would otrhers. By getting dropped it not only gives them a fear, but ALSO it'll mess with their sponsorship. So, Redknapps still my man, even after his long list of faults.

Whose Tony Panes?

At least when we go to a link to someone elses web forum, it's doesn't look just like ours, except for a different colour. You know where you are now. A bit garish at the beginning I'll admit, but it'll grow on me. It's the content that I come here for, not the look of the web site. Rather like it was the dirty old birds the reason i went to Turpins, I wasn't bothered by the look of the place, or the ambiance.

Well I got to ask, Why aren't you in prison with them STU? Or MLG? Or ME? Simple, because we didn't get involved in that. I was there on the day, with my daughter and even if I wasn't with her I wouldn't have been involved. I think you will find not only are the sentaces harsh because of 'football violence' but also for the damage and costs as well. I do have some sympathy with them, but at the end of the day, and this is harsh too, they did it and they have to pay the price. And as we know, in the real world money is more importatnt than life, unless it is hundreds of millions then it is acceptable.

Been saying that for quite a while. It's what they need, a good kick up the backside that they are not automatically chosen.

Do you know what I have been saying for a long time? Drop them. Have the guts to drop Rooney or sub him. What of the out cry across the country? Yeh, I can see the headlines now, 'Capello in dropping player for not playing well enough' shocker. Rooney, Lampard, Terry, etc don't have to play well, and they always get picked. They are already picked for the 2012 European cup team anyway, so why bother. I would rather see a team full of youngsters play their hearts out, and draw, than this bunch of overpaid, unenthusiastic tossrs. Rickie and Kelvin to the world cup? Don't farking laugh, they would have made impressions their, more than this lot. There must be a decent 22 from the CC and league 1 that would run around the tossers we have in the team. And they would give anything for the chance. Perhaps that is the way forward. Give us a team, not of the 'TALENT' from the Premier League, but from the ones that want to play, and play well for their country. What's that you say, we won’t win anything without Rooney and CO? Well, we aren’t winning anything with them, only becoming laughing stocks. We may have new managers but it's still the same old players failing, isn’t it? They should learn if they are playing badly, they are dropped. Each one of them should be forced to play for their places. I guarantee if Capello drops Rooney just once, Rooney will scream-and-shout-and-cry until he is sick. And then he would work his ******** out in training and go on to become the tournaments biggest scorer. These players play without fear because failure has no negative consequences for them. AND SING THE F KING NATIONAL ANTHEM. If you don't know it, learn it. You never see any other national team, including ours like the rugby y and hockey teams with only one or two singing, or just mouthing the words. Oh, and England Rugby team beat Australia 21-20 yesterday and all 15 of THEM sang the national anthem. And I was shouting Boo-urns as well.

Thanks for the google thing, but I'll wait for the9 to do his thing as i need it to sync to my outlook calander and my PDA, so that it is shared by my org and I am not rotad in to work those weekends, (Hint, Hint)

I second that. Many thanks in advance

'Wimmin, Know you Limmits' I'm up for it. I could dust down my old Madness 'Our House' flat cap as well.

Well, shoot. I did make mention of this as an idea. Well, I do support, if he is willing, Steve, as he is a Mod here, has a very balanced and well thought out views, and he doesn't express his own opinion as others. I Vote Grant. He will get things done.

It's all about recycling these days. By the way, do I have to pay up front for the soil, or is there a payment plan?

Here, Here. There is no trust, I have no faith in an unelected, unaccountable person speaking on MY behalf. I would prefer my own figurehead, from this board. Would I do it?: YES Should I do it?: NO. I would not put myself in the running as I couldn't give it the attention it deserves, basically because I do a demanding job, (steady now, all you construction types.) but beacuse mostly I don't work in the county, let alone the city. But I will support whoever we chooes

Yep, I agree. And one for people full of the brown stuff. And, my personal favorite, one where the press has made a statement and been full of ****. Mods, bring it on.

I'll tell you what. I never had a season ticket for various reasons, mostly based on the fact that I have to go where the work is. But this year I'm going to buy one, so i'll cancel out someone who wont be renewing. So please nominate yourself as my cancel-out. So there, ying and yang and the universe is back in balance. It's not nice, I know, but there are ways and means and it seems to me a 0% credit card works well, and it's is just the same thing, is it not, as a payment plan.

Saints Vs. Bournemouth, 25k crowd Us losing 1-0 at half time to the chants of 'Scummers' and 'We're gonna walk this league' and 'We're going to Saints Mary's' from the Bournemouth faithful Fulltime 6-1 to the chants of 'Scummers' and 'The ref was biased against us' from the 6 of the Bournemouth faithful, the other having left after the score got to 4-1 at 52 minutes. Lambert 2, Antonio 1, Barnard 1, Llalana 2

Rest In Peace Mary Many thnaks for all you did over the years.

I was wondering when they would get out the woodbines, with Bert, 'Berty Bert' Scrivens smoking his pipe and looking wistfully into the ether at the quality of his rough s h a g.

Just a question, but during the debarcle that was the supposed sacking of Alan Pardew by Nicola, what would have happened if the following was reported in both the local and national press: '...................speaking exclusivly to the ECHO, the Saints Trust have made a statement that all fans are encouraging the sacking of Alan Pardew for failure to fulfil the season target of gaining a play-off place, and they support Mr Corteze in his effort to find a replacement'. Not saying this could happen, or would, but it is possible as where are the checks and balances?

I have got to be honest that I disagree with the need for NC to answer these rumours. By treating them with the contempt they deserve he denies them not only the milk of publicity, he also denies them the ability to print another story at his cost, and lets be honest, they can print it with any slant they choose. Also I believe he is being very astute. For every rumour and suspicion they print, which turns out to be un-true, the more he is able to starve them of any kind of credibility, so that when they DO have truthful story, no one would believe it. Also the more they become starved of inside info, the more desperate they will become, and less accurate with the truth. Then all of a sudden they get fed a bit of information such as:’ Saints are not after XXX, who currently plays for YYYYYY, due to budgetary constraints', and within days we actually SIGN XXX, at a less than inflated price. Trust me, in this information age; it is a very good and astute manger who knows how to use the media before they use you.

No, ironic He don't Know how to play Too many people making things up and this is just as valid as any of the'r crap. Thanks for coming.

thanks

Wednesday. 12th May 2010. 10 am. Saints Boardroom. Alan Pardew knocks gently on the door. ‘Come in’ says Nicola ‘You wanted to see me again, Mr Countersink?’ ‘Ah, yes-a Alan. We a want a have a lille chat-a with a you.’ ‘Zat ist right, dummkopf. Ve vish to have a lille talk wiv you. Ve hav vays of making you talk, schweinhund, got in himmel!!!!’ ‘OK. Ah, why are you both talking like that? In them strange accents.’ ‘Sorry Alan. Marcus and I are giving a little bit back to the community by appearing in the Southampton Amateur Dramatics all –male rendition of ALLO ALLO – The Musical.’ Explains Nicola ‘I play General Von Klinkerhoffan’ says Marcus ‘And I play Captain Bertorelli’ says Nicola. ‘Sounds Great. Anyone else in it I might know?’ ‘Well, we did feel a bit sorry for Avram Grant, didn’t we Marcus?’ ‘Yes. So we thought we would ask him if he wanted to take part. But all the major roles had gone. All that was left was a couple of minor female roles.’ ‘Did you offer him anything, Mr Liebfraumilch?’ ‘Well, I tried. I rang him up and said, Avram, which do you fancy, Mimi or Yvette?’ ‘And what did he say?’ ‘Well he said which ever had the biggest jugs, and he wouldn’t pay over fifty pound. I had no idea what he was on about so I hung up.’ ‘Well, erm…..are you excited, Mr Lightbulb?’ ‘I am, I am. I originally wanted to play Lieutenant Gruber, but every time I said, has anyone seen my little tank? That Gaydamek would ring me up and offer me a second hand Russian T62 tank going cheap, as he has 30 surplus.’ ‘What did you tell him.’ ‘I told him I’m an engineer, and even I know that a tank is supposed to go ‘boom’. Who wants a tank that goes cheep?’ ‘Anyway’, says Nicola, ‘I think you want to tell Alan something, Marcus?’ ‘Yes I do. It’s time for you to go Alan, goodbye!’ ‘You want me gone? But why?’ ‘Tradition’ ‘Tradition?’ ‘Da da da dum, Tradition!!!’ says Marcus doing a little jig. ‘Erm, if you can stop being the Fiddler on the Roof for a second, what tradition?’ ‘Well, this is Southampton football club. And it is tradition here to change the manager more often than I change my socks’. ‘And let’s not forget, you have had your Eight months’ Adds Nicola ‘Eighteen.’ ‘Sorry?’ Says Nicola ‘Eighteen. You said Eighteen Months.’ ‘No never. Are you sure?’ ‘Yes. Eighteen months. Look, I’ve got it here, in this contract, eighteen months.’ ‘Oh. You might be right.’ Says Nicola ‘Yes but what have you done? We haven’t been promoted, have we? No play off place for us, is there?’ Says Marcus. Alan holds his hands out. ‘I’m really sorry about that, Mr Leekytap. Is that why you weren’t here on Saturday to see us thrash Southend? Because you’re not happy?’ ‘No, I’m none of the seven dwarfs. But let me tell you, there aint no mountain high enough, there aint no river wide enough, there aint no chasm deep enough to keep me from St. Marys.’ ‘So why weren’t you here?’ ‘Well, apparently there IS a volcano Smokey enough!!!’ ‘Ok, Mr Lightbulb, but we did try’ ‘Try? TRY? And where did we finish this season, eh? 17th, 18th…….’ ‘7th’ ‘7th.?’ ‘Yes 7th. And with a minus 10 start, remember?’ ‘Well, 7th. There you go. Ok, well done. But it isn’t like you won anything is it?’ ‘We won the JPT trophy.’ ‘The WHAT?’ says Marcus with a puzzled look on his face? ‘The Johnsons Paint Trophy!’ says Nicola, ‘You remember, Marcus. Look on your phone.’ Marcus takes out his digital camera and looks at the pictures. ‘Oh, yes. Look. There’s one of the crowd. There’s the first goal. There’s the second goal. There’s the third. And oh, look there’s Gregg Abbott doing that, how you say, ****ting a brick.’ ‘I think we all enjoyed that day, Mr Lipstick’. ‘Yes, yes, but what else? We aint got any top scorers’ ‘We got two’ ‘And where do they stand then?’ ‘First and Third’. ‘Are you sure?’ ‘Yep, Mr Leaveitoutphil’. ‘So, what do you recon, then Nicola?’ ‘Well, we did say eighteen months. But we do want to go up next season.’ ‘And what do you want to be able to achieve this, Alan?’ ‘Well, Mr Contraflow gave me twenty five million earlier, but I could do with some more.’ ‘More! MORE! Do you think I carry around serious cash? Well, do you?’ Marcus reaches into his pocket and pulls out his wallet. ‘Here you go, I’ve got five, ten, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, seventeen million, aaaaaand about 30 million in Euros. Will that do?’ ‘Well, it will be a start Mr Lessonsinlove’ ‘And don’t spend this on fags and water features, like you did the last lot!!!!’ ‘Fags and water features?’ Says Alan looking puzzled. Marcus turns and starts whispering the Nicola. This goes back and forth until Marcus says, ‘Nicola, you said Alan spent it on Lambert and Butler and Fountains!!!” ‘I said he spent it on LAMBERT, BARNARD AND FONTE!!!!!!’ ‘Oh. My Mistake. Anyway, you may now go. Thank you Mr POYET!’ ‘My name is Pardew, Mr LoosewimminonITV1, Alan Pardew’. Marcus looks at Alan and gives him and cheeky smile and a wink. ‘I know it is!!!! Just marking your card, Alan, just marking your card’ Marcus walks away with Nicola following behind him. ‘Do either of you ever watch the Simpsons, as you seem to have a bit of a BURNS-SMITHERS thing going on.’ ‘What was that, Alan’ says Marcus, turning. ‘Just saying we will walk this league next season, Mr Lobsterthermador’ ‘Excellent’ says Marcus. As Alan leaves, Lawrie comes in. ‘Why-eye, Man’ ‘Well, if it isn’t my old friend Mr macmenanena, macmenanan, macmenanana,........... Lawrie. Can I help you?’ ‘You can. I am rubbish at this scrabble game. All I can make from my letters is three, three letter words, WHY, EYE and MAN.’ As they leave, Marcus turns to Nicola. ‘Did I tell you I saw the Gillingham team the other day? They were playing football with some hedgehogs.’ ‘Hedgehogs? That’s terrible. Did you say anything, Marcus?’ ‘Yes. I shouted “Oi. If you don’t stop that, I’m calling the RSPCA’. ‘And then what happened, Marcus?’ ‘The bloody Hedgehogs told me to F off as they were winning 3-0’.

Pardew goes upto the door and Knocks. 'Come-a in.'. Pardew walk's into Nic's office. 'Youn wanted to see me, Mr Cotezone.' 'That is a right, Al-a-an. I wish to discuss the future.' 'Yes, no problem. I think it'll be really great. We'll all be wearing these silver suits, and have flying cars. And we'll all live on the moon.' 'No,no, no. I wish to a discuss your a future. 'ere at the club!' 'Oh, ok, Mr Countrywide. What is it you want to discuss.' 'this season I am ****ed off. We are still in this league and I just want to give Marcus a penis.' 'Ere, I'm not the sort to partake of those sort of back door shananigans. You want that manager down the other side of the M27.' 'What is wrong with giving someone a penis? We all like a penis. My mother, My Father, the local priest. They all like a penis. Now you have given the fans a lot of a penis with the paint trophy.' ' No i haven't. I told you............oh, you mean Happiness!!!!' 'What you think I mean?' 'Sorry my Courtroom'. 'Yes. I want to give everyone 'appiness. I not 'appy we still in league one. So don't let it happen again.' 'Sorry Mr Coughtintheact.' 'Yes, well next season we want out.This league no good. We want to rub shoulders with a better class of scum and villany. Like them down the road.' 'Can I have some money please?' 'What you wan' money for? I bought you an ice cream earlier.' 'I would like to buy a player' 'BUY A PLAYER? BUY A PLAYER?' 'I could always, you know, delay paying for him for a while if money is a little.....' 'BUY A PLAYER?' Nic rustles around in his pocket, 'Here. Here's a few quid... there's about fifteen million there. Go and buy a few players. And make sure you keep the receipts' 'Loverly jubbly. HAve you got any players in mind?' 'Yes, get that Sim one Jako from the Gillinanians. No, i'll tell you what! Have a look in the paper and see who the players of the season are for all the other teams and buy them. 'ere. Have a look in this old copy of the Brighton Argus first.' 'Loverly Jubberly Mr Coughsandsneezes.' 'I keep telling you. Courteze, COURTEZE' 'And who does he play for, Mr Courtnet?'