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Short vs bald

pap

By pap,
in The Muppet Show

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KelvinsRightGlove

KelvinsRightGlove

Posted
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What's short and what's tall, pap?

 

I'm a wig wearer and proud of it. I'd be pretty much bald on top without it.

 

It wasn't vanity that made me wear it, it was the thought of losing all the Carson from Downtown(sic) Abbey lookalike work that I get.

 

Without it I look like the person that Turkish wants to come across as on here:

 

6'1" (nearer 6'2" with some of my wigs), 15 stone, 46" chest, 36" waist and with sort of good looks that makes every male that meets me jealous*

 

I watch with amusement as the people I meet for the first time struggle to reconcile the erudite and mellifluous words and tones that leave my mouth, with the appearance of an extra from Green Street**

 

It's the sort of visual and aural contradiction that would see Turkish making a post on here that reads:

 

 

 

So, don't **** with me. M'Lords.

 

*Statistics (and facts) subject to change

** If that extra wore M&S jeans, a clean and nicely pressed shirt and a tweed jacket

 

:lol:

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pap

pap

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What's short and what's tall, pap?

 

I'm a wig wearer and proud of it. I'd be pretty much bald on top without it.

 

It wasn't vanity that made me wear it, it was the thought of losing all the Carson from Downtown(sic) Abbey lookalike work that I get.

 

Without it I look like the person that Turkish wants to come across as on here:

 

6'1" (nearer 6'2" with some of my wigs), 15 stone, 46" chest, 36" waist and with sort of good looks that makes every male that meets me jealous*

 

I watch with amusement as the people I meet for the first time struggle to reconcile the erudite and mellifluous words and tones that leave my mouth, with the appearance of an extra from Green Street**

 

It's the sort of visual and aural contradiction that would see Turkish making a post on here that reads:

 

So, don't **** with me. M'Lords.

 

*Statistics (and facts) subject to change

** If that extra wore M&S jeans, a clean and nicely pressed shirt and a tweed jacket

 

Let's go for 2 inches below average height. For men, that's 5"10'. At 5"4', I definitely qualify.

 

As for your revelations:-

 

[video=youtube;SRW0DXOd-pM]

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pap

pap

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Look out, pap, I think KRG might be a traffic warden.

 

a.aaa.jpeg

 

Christ, I've taken enough abuse for who I work for as it is. Eff being one of those guys.

 

See, this is what I'm talking about.

 

I get most of what I need to live as a man. You guys get to take the holy píss out of something genuinely funny (that I can do nowt about!).

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saintbletch

saintbletch

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See, this is what I'm talking about.

 

I get most of what I need to live as a man. You guys get to take the holy píss out of something genuinely funny (that I can do nowt about!).

 

Is it the size of the car, or the use of the word Hobbit, papster?

 

The forum needs to know; are you a hobbit?

 

I demand to see photos of your feet and your ring (again).

 

hobbit_feet.jpg

 

Perhaps we should do feet size next, or ratio of feet size to height?

 

I guess that ratio is exceptionally high for you hobbitses.

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Tokyo-Saint

Tokyo-Saint

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I just read Justin Bieber is 5ft 6.

 

To tell the truth, I googled it. He was on the news for taking his clothes off an an awards ceremony cause people were booing him. While I was thinking "wish Taylor Swift had done that instead of dumb Beiber" I noticed she was about 1ft taller than him. So I googled it and he is an official midget.

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KelvinsRightGlove

KelvinsRightGlove

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I just read Justin Bieber is 5ft 6.

 

To tell the truth, I googled it. He was on the news for taking his clothes off an an awards ceremony cause people were booing him. While I was thinking "wish Taylor Swift had done that instead of dumb Beiber" I noticed she was about 1ft taller than him. So I googled it and he is an official midget.

 

Taylor Swift is a massive guilty pleasure of mine. I feel like I should despise her, but I can't help but like her.

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Bearsy

Bearsy

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At 6'2" I reckon i must be the tallest dwarf in the world! I am v.happy with 6'2" tall! If baby jesus came and offered me an extra inch either way I'd be like nah tks brah 6'2" is best height in the world! Sorry to be boastful bout how great it is to be 6'2" tall, but i speak from the heart! I'm also still good hair, but my dad is male pattern bald so i spose i might be too, someday :( I want to see a photo of bletch's wig pls, i am distrustful of his testimony.

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pap

pap

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Taylor Swift is a massive guilty pleasure of mine. I feel like I should despise her, but I can't help but like her.

 

Taylor Swift is shít and only sings songs about three things.

 

1) Having a boyfriend

2) Not having a boyfriend

3) Being 22.

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Tokyo-Saint

Tokyo-Saint

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Let's just sample what dumb bear is missing.

 

Uggg... so he calls me up and he's like, "I still love you,"

And I'm like... "I just... I mean this is exhausting, you know, like,

We are never getting back together. Like, ever"

 

No!

 

We are never ever ever getting back together

We are never ever ever getting back together

 

 

Its like friggin Shakespeare you knob!

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KelvinsRightGlove

KelvinsRightGlove

Posted
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Let's just sample what dumb bear is missing.

 

Uggg... so he calls me up and he's like, "I still love you,"

And I'm like... "I just... I mean this is exhausting, you know, like,

We are never getting back together. Like, ever"

 

No!

 

We are never ever ever getting back together

We are never ever ever getting back together

 

 

Its like friggin Shakespeare you knob!

 

Big tune.

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Tokyo-Saint

Tokyo-Saint

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Don't worry KRG

 

You (they) can take me (you KRG) down with just one single blow

But you (Pap and bear) don't know, what you (someone) don't know...

 

Someday I'll (you or Taylor Swift I guess) be living in a big ol' city

And all you're (Pap and Bear) ever gonna be is mean

Someday I'll (again you - maybe together) be big enough so you can't hit me (you I think)

And all you're (Pap and bear again) ever gonna be is mean (and dicks)

Why you gotta be so mean (and dicks)?

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KelvinsRightGlove

KelvinsRightGlove

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I like her. She's like a singing blow up doll and let's face it, if Ed Sheeran had a go, there's hope for all of us!

 

Given her track record, I reckon it is only a matter of time before I am her bf. I'm about her age, can't be considered worse looking than some of the guys she's been out with. Depends if she finds geeks that make games as appealing as geeks that make music.

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Fowllyd

Fowllyd

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Not quite Halo!

 

 

hair-loss-wig-bad-hair.jpg

Bletch

 

 

best-faces-of-2007-baldy.jpg

Turkish

 

Bletch, you look like a photo taken from the wall of a 1970s barber's shop. Believe me, tonsorial praise doesn't come much higher. But how did you get Turkish to agree to have his picture taken? He's normally so camera-shy. Or do you have a super-long lens?

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saintbletch

saintbletch

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Bletch, you look like a photo taken from the wall of a 1970s barber's shop. Believe me, tonsorial praise doesn't come much higher. But how did you get Turkish to agree to have his picture taken? He's normally so camera-shy. Or do you have a super-long lens?

 

Good shout re the 70s barber shop, Folly. As I said, men want to be me, women want to be with me - and now you can see why. Deal with it, or I'll do you!

 

I'm surprised that you came up with that barber's shop reference; I wasn't sure that they had barbers in the 70s in Wales? Isn't it?

 

That reminds me of an anecdote from my childhood in Gosport in the 70s involving the barber shop that I used to entrust to secure personal hair encuttments (all of them). The story has gone down in local folklore.

 

Are you sitting comfortably? Good, then I'll begin...

 

One of the barbers (a woman) was attending to a customer when she became aware that he was playing with himself under the protective gown that they wrap around your shoulders. Apparently she tried to ignore it at first or so the story goes, but as she started to make out what she took to be longer and longer strokes of the shaft, she hit him over the head with a hairdryer. There was blood everywhere and he had to go to hospital.

 

It turns out that the gentleman in question was cleaning his sunglasses under the gown. (not a euphemism)

 

It made the papers and the barber in question moved on. This was a great personal loss to me as she used to cut my hair from time to time. She reminded me of Jane from Rainbow, and I was aware of a strange tingle somewhere deep inside my body every time she touched my "head".

 

To this day I don't know what that tingle was, except that I've experienced it twice since - amazingly on both occasions it happened almost 9 months to the day before the birth of our two children.

 

I imagine that I must have been thinking that "Jane's" hand at some point would have almost certainly touched Zippy and Bungle too, and that by extension all of us were now in some strange way 'one' in the universe. I can't think what else it would have been.

 

Re Turkish posing for me?

 

You're right, he agreed because I have a super-long glans - which fortunately is in proportion to the rest of the structure. Some people don't suit being bald (hence my wig), but some, like Turkish do (Despite looking like the before picture from a Cadbury's Smash advert). For mash get Smash.

 

OK, I'm out of 70s references now. Shame I couldn't fit in a reference to The Tomorrow People, Love Thy Neighbour, Chip Club (books bought from the school) or Debbie Does Dallas.

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pap

pap

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Is it the size of the car, or the use of the word Hobbit, papster?

 

The forum needs to know; are you a hobbit?

 

I demand to see photos of your feet and your ring (again).

 

hobbit_feet.jpg

 

Perhaps we should do feet size next, or ratio of feet size to height?

 

I guess that ratio is exceptionally high for you hobbitses.

 

Fk me, bletch - I haven't felt this interrogated since the time the Anti-Semitism Finder General publicly quizzed me on here!

 

No, I am not a hobbit. I do not have particularly hairy feet, which is a pity because that and a four day Haribo binge are all that's really holding me back from hobbit glory.

 

Perhaps I should order the Tangfastic anyway and Pritt Stick some pubes to my feet. Do you think it'll work?

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