hamster

Two mice in an airing cupboard. Which one is un the army? The one on the tank of course. Mickey Mouse visits his solicitor and tells him he wants a divorce from Minnie Mouse. Solicitor tells Mickey that he needs 'grounds' for a divorce. After Mickey tells the solicitor his reason for wanting the divorce the solicitor informs him that, in his professional opinion, there is no way a court will grant a divorce just because his wife has bucked teeth. "I didn't say she had bucked teeth, I said she is f[]cking Goofy"

A lady traveller I hear. Could be a few intimate moments as I also heard that she likes having her arse felt. See what I did there?

If it moves **** it. If it doesn't move **** it anyway, it might move later. Do not smoke that cigarette. It will damage your health. Do not sign that HP agreement. It will damage your wealth. Join a pension scheme. Lol. Never volunteer to be a union rep, it will damage your health. Do not marry a six foot tall woman, you will resemble an elf. (first Mrs h was the spitting image of Big Bird. Trust no-one. Listen to your Mum. Listen to your Dad. Learn to play the guitar (or harmonica). Do not get drunk, climb the flagpole and steal the flag from Deal pier, it was put there to ward off johnny foreigner as a first line of defence. The guilt will cause you many sleepless nights and johnny foreigner will one day steal everyone's jobs. I would basically give myself 'a good talking to'.

Sue Barker, Navratilova and Nadia Komanechi. Thread Closed.

Yes, but the conversation really did take place and h & b were and still are v funny.

Brazil! Excellent. I've been trying to come up with a destination for my 50th birthday treat which is also in 2014. Problem resolved, cheers. Tips please on how to guarantee getting tickets, any team, any venue? Any price (within reason)

Mrs h just brought my morning cuppa. As she slid back under the duvet, mindful not to knock my cup holding arm, she casually told me that I needed to fit a new hinge to the lounge curtain track as it was coming away from the wall. "i think you mean a new bracket" I said, trying desperately to contain a laugh. "whatever, just fix it" was the best she could come up with. So I released the laugh right in her pretty little face. My question is; why are women so stupid?

His dad's not happy I hear. Didn't want him aging A-side risking injury for some reason.

Betis are playing Havant and W.ville instead now. Blimey!

Great website, cheers.

He is actually very under-rated imo.

Who actually buys socks though, not many i would guess, bit weird for grown men to buy saints replica socks.

depends on the view i'd reckon.

Increase in membership on the cards steve? Put me down as a yes mate.

Sounds like my grandson, nice kid. chavvy but not that other word.

i know a good tattoo'ist

You can't disagree with the buxom barmaid marketing strategy being the most effective though

A buxom barmaid is like viagra for the eyes. I would gladly queue for the full 90 minutes if we employed buxom barmaids. **** the football.

You should run the bars at sms then. Write to the club, I'll give you a reference. Pulling the perfect pint is like making love to a beautiful woman.

What was the alternative back then though? The Goodies. Benny knew the magic formula and would be a top comic if alive today. A gentle man.

has she got a sister?

those programmes are gonna be ebay gold dust. get in, i bought two offers?

Name 10 Beatles songs. Clocks ticking...tick tock...

Those kids would think a proper hand pump was a sex aid. The little darlings would'nt hae the combined strength to pull a half litre let balone a full pint. [sAD]

I accept that we need to part but i wish it was on better terms for both our sakes. one day punch is gonna find a team that plays HIS way, that will be a very good team to watch. He's the kind of player I would like to one day wearing thge England shirt. Our loss. [sAD]