dubai_phil

Phew, that was lucky. I'd just arrived to post a golf story. Now I can just go WOOT!

Drop Morgan & play Cork & VW?

But seriously. After a long walk on a warm sunny day..... A cold Pint of Cider

Four

^*like*

Really looking forward to the golf oops sorry Match thread today.

Nicklaus

I discovered another difference between the sexes today. ALL the women at the golf today had one thing on their minds, they wanted to see Carolina's Ring. (FYI it cost Rory $125,000 and half his future earnings when he does a Tiger). But hey, fair enough. So, when I go up to her (my new BFF) and ask to see her Ring so I can take a pic of it to post onto here I get a slap..... Life is Sooooooo unfair.

Rory

Dunno what all the fuss is about. We have Guly back to full fitness now.

Birdies

Golf fans

I shouldn't. I did promise. Oh what the hell. We've had more punters through the doors down here at the Emirates Golf Club today to watch me in my Sash Shirt stand (sorry Oldnick - pose) on every Tee Box with Tiger & Rory than the skates have ST holders. Kinda get the feeling that the TV viewing figures for my gig may be somewhat higher than they have managed of late as well.

Golf

I thought he'd be taller than that.

When a stunning fit blonde chick spots you, her face lights up into a huge beaming smile, she waves, pushes through a crowd of several hundred people and says "Hay Phil! How you doing" And about 20 guys around you stare and say how the feck did... I even got a "Way to go man" from the annoying Yank who turns up everywhere to shout In The Hole..... It also helps when she's very rich and pretty famous as well. #thinkrorysmissessecretlyfanciesme Today's Golf Story was brought to you by Ibuprofen & Red Bull "Providing Pain Relief to Golf Marshalls for over 15 Years

Oops. Sorry Spudders. Guess it's my fault. Everyone is hiding from TMS in case I mention the G word. Clever move of yours to start a Cricket thread instead. I'll work on some new stories and go G-Bomb the main board tomorrow, that should get everyone running back over here for cover

Dear Bear So, Tiger was sublime for the first four holes today. At that point he was 3 under. Unfortunately, at my age I didn't have any more chicks ready for him. Pretty poor performance I know, this is elite sport after all. Perhaps I should have done a saliva test or something first. So anyway after that things kind of fell apart he kept slopping it into the water, he was taking 7 goes to try and get it in on some holes. Just sloppy. I DO have pics but Tinypics is under maintenance at the moment so can't upload will try tomorrow. Things did pick up at the end of the day, couple of newbie fittehs at the Media Centre told me their boss would fire them if they didn't get Tiger. I was like meh. No you don't understand if we don't HAVE Tiger we are in real trouble... God bless them, they really couldn't work out why the rest of the media were in a heap ROFL'ing Pic will come tomorrow. Mrs D_P is just trying to get the Cardiac Arrest Emergency team out of my bedroom. Strangely she is quite bouncy this evening keeps on about a hole in one on the back 9 & Tiger. Strange, I checked his scorecard online it doesn't mention anything about that.....

Sadly yes. I even vetted his misses before they got spliced. He hates me for that. She lost her mobile while here and had to call him to get my number to invite me over to Florida to help her Au Pair at Retief's pad for a week. The rest is history. He was last here two years ago, I hated having to test out this one He did let her have a grip of his club a bit later in the afternoon I did have another pic of them but the lads from Getty images bought that one off me and made about 10 grand from Hello Magazine. Don't worry, you'll see me Friday and later on in the year sorting out some sweaty's for him

You were supposed to pull that kind of stunt BEFORE they changed the benefit rules

Nah, don't think he'll want to do the Yorke Hotel & Bullfrog tour somehow. (And don't worry, he did the same last year in his first tournament - was krap, missed the cut came back and won by a mile the next week....)

Christ Nick. Your OP was longer than some of my golf stories. Which reminds me.......... (Oh and yes with (IF) Osvaldo leaving we need a signing far more than we would need money in the bank)

Fark. Am planning to come back for the 1st March. I nearly booked an overnight flight for Saturday after the 'pool game with a cheapie special offer ticket. Luckily saw the thread about the e-petition and left it a few days 10pm from LHR is easy for a 3pm KO but 5:30 I'd have been 600 quid out of pocket #closecall #stupidkickofftimes

It's time. Back to my real job. Chief Groupie tester for da man. See y'all on SkySports from about 8:30am on Friday. (Yes I will have snappers taking Rule 1's for you of all his stalkers, hopefully enough to keep annoying Turks for a few days at least)

Meh, by the time he grows googling his own name will be the only way to find anything about the club that took 6 years to die