swannymere

Que?

You'll never walk alone is spine-tingling even when we play at Anfield.

SatNav is more accurate, i tested the gps app. on my iphone and is was 99.9% of the time the same as my Garmin Nuvi or 1mph out, the speedo on the car was accurate upto 80mph above that it was out generally by 3-6%

Thank **** for that,Up the Saints!

She fell over, oh well. Keep it tight you buggers!

I would

What he said. Plus she has odd eyes.

It will be a relatively unknown actress, HTH.

Only if you want a personal Safety Partnership Camera Van trailing you everywhere;)

There should be a test on the Lisbon treaty, those that score over 75% should be allowed to vote wether we should implement it or not. Almost everybody seems to have an opinion but hardly anybody seems to have a clue what it's actually about!

Mockles has hit the nail on the head, Southampton is crap for a night out. It's got no individuality whatsoever and the council has strangled the development of the city for the last 20 years. If you goto Portsmouth and have a look at how much investment has been made by the council and companies into the infrastructure and development like Gunwharf and you can see that this has had an affect all over the city, then look at Southampton and what happened to Ocean Village and what hasn't happened with the waterfront and its completely embarrassing. The council has alot to answer for.

That was funny when it was posted on the old forum!

Booooooo:p

An elderly couple are enjoying a meal and some drinks in their local restaurant. The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you?' "Yes", she says, 'I remember it well.'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" 'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!' A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground..The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?' Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.

Johnny Bogner - Problem solved!

As Mum was working away for the week, dad thought he would cook the kids a surprise meal, when they came in from school. He had been to the butchers and bought some venison (Deer). He served it all up and said to the kids guess what this meat is? They looked at each other then back at dad, he said I'll give you a clue. Its what mummy calls daddy, quick as a flash Johnny says, don't eat it, its a F***ing Knob.

Young Pikey girl sat with her mum the night before her wedding. Her mum says to her, "l want to talk to you about your wedding night". "Your husband will want to stick his most prized posession where you pee." The girl turns to her mum & says, "Why would he want to put his tarmac rake in the sink"?

You rang?

Why Can't Jesus walk on water? Because he's got holes in his feet.

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, 'Christ, I wonder what happened to this parrot?' The parrot says, 'I was born this way.. i'm a defective parrot.' 'Holy ****,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and answered me!' 'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird' 'Oh yeah?' the guy asks, 'Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?' 'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my willy around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers.' 'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand and speak English can't you?' 'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic; politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology.. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion.' The guy looks at the £200.00 price tag.... 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.' 'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for £20; just make the guy an offer!' The guy offers £20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational, he has a great sense of humour, he's interesting, he's a great friend, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing. 'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the DHL man..' 'What are you talking about?' asks the guy. 'When the DHL man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie.' 'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened?' 'Well, then the DHL man came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began touching her all over,' reported the parrot. 'NO!' he exclaims. 'And she let him?' 'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over....' Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?' 'Buggered if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!'

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.. I am so sorry, but he's dead.' Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.'

Count me in, i'll attend anything that's organised, good luck to Kevin and his family.

A young man joins the navy. On the day he is about to go to sea, his father warned him to be aware of gay sailors. "But dad, how will I know?" "Trust me son, you will know. After 6 months at sea, the ship comes into port. The father was on the dock waiting for his son. The son, seeing his father, got off the ship and shook his fathers hand. "Well son,how did it go?" "Dad, I found out what you ment about gay sailors. One night I was out on deck all alone when a man came by and put his hand on my shoulder so I threw him overboard." "But how could you tell he was gay?" "Well, for 3 days he swam behind the boat yelling "THROW ME A BOUY, THROW ME A BOUY" :cool:

How can you hate Stephen Fry? Katona, Jordan and Cowell yes but Fry? Really. You're right about one thing though he is back and apologising to all and sundry.

I've got an Aprilia SR125 scooter as well;)