qwertyell

Couldn't get a game in the championship, but here's Shane Long to save the day. Remember when we won the transfer window or something?

Long punt down the middle, Bednarek makes a mess of it, Salisu over commits, Bednarek makes a second mess of it, 0-1. Fucking useless. Good thing we're brilliant at breaking down sides...

Vincent Kompany missed about three years on and off with a recurring calf problem that they just couldn't get right no matter what they tried. They're tricky things once they start playing up.

Fair play - great effort. Now back it up with a win in the cup and against Wolves and against all odds it'll look like a pretty decent start. Back to back clean sheets: what a novelty.

Oh, we've dropped out best player so far this season. Of course we have. This fucking manager, man. Good luck to Bednarek, I guess. He's on a hiding to nothing today.

I've got a wheelie bin that'd keep McCarthy and Forster out of the side.

Obviously saving his redemption arc for the return fixture at Old Trafford. It's only right. Anyway, who doesn't enjoy watching Young Boys pump 10 men?

Keep an eye on Leeds. Lots of good quality players going forward, but their suicidal approach to defence is a relegation waiting to happen if their attacking production falters. Second best to every ball against Liverpool. As they were against Man United. Not ideal when you essentially defend one vs one. Could be dark horses for the drop.

After four games we're ahead of Norwich, Newcastle, Watford and Burnley (only played three), of the teams we're realistically fighting. It's a start.

Take the point. A clean sheet. Slim pickings. Rallied at the end a bit when Broja came on. Going to be a rough season with a side that can't defend, can't pass and create fuck all. Useless ref, btw.

Clueless, aimless, shapeless second half here. We know how this ends. Wonder what the manager spent the last two weeks working on with the team...

McLaren actually won something as a manager. Southgate will eventually bluff his way into a decent club job and be sacked within six months. Nice bloke, great at PR, but tactically inept.

English football hasn't produced a top class keeper since David Seaman - and he came through in the 1980s. It's kind of bizarre given all the resources, coaches and facilities in this country that we can only churn out a myriad of mediocrity between the sticks, when we have some of the most sought after talent in the world in every other position. How bad must our coaching be? I know former goalkeeper coach turned professional clipboard holder Dave Watson had an influence through the England age groups for a while there, but surely he can't be totally blamed for the entire system. Of all the countries for us to be targeting a keeper from, I'd say England would be one of the worst in terms of value for money.

Asking price was rumoured to be around £6m when he was due to join Blackburn. Imagine it'll be less, though. Getting a chunky sell on clause is probably the bigger money spinner - a top season in the championship and Obafemi could move for decent money.

The only stat that matters is we got £16m for a defender who can't play in any of the defensive positions. He's genuinely worse than Jack Stephens.

Or this season's Champions League, as Young Boys won their play off last night (Jankewitz on the bench - made his first team debut last week).

Toby Savin or Josh Griffiths, I reckon.

At least we've got a new unit of measurement now. He's not Jonno Quick, he's Thierry Small.

Fuck off McCarthy. That's ridiculous. If we had a wheelie bin in goal it'd have saved it.

Whatever case you might make for some of the others retaining their place, it's indefensible that Walcott - who should've been hooked after about 20 minutes last week - is starting again. Hope he has blinder, of course. But he won't. Of course.

This boy's going to be a Chelsea or Man City player in months rather than years, isn't he?

Too much "could" and "considering". Nothing in it aside from speculation, from that article at least.

Only made his debut off the bench at the weekend. On the bench again tonight.

Both really good options for Obafemi - gets a season of regular first team minutes under his belt with the strong possibility of returning to the Premier League at the end of it.

(Longstaff) Did his knee badly soon after all that Man United speculation. Has been absolute garbage since he returned to fitness. Newcastle fans would be glad to be shot of him.