DT

Yes. Let's hope so. And that we can gel all these new replacements we've yet to sign in inside 7 days.

Worst window in history

My bed is soaking

Wait for Poch to step in and nab him

Wtf is going on at our club?

Will the last one at saints turn the lights off?

This is ludicrous. What is the club playing at?

Apparently it's difficult talking to players, even our own.

...and they're our new centre back pairing

Our first game is on August 17, away, against Liverpool. Has anyone told those in charge of getting a team together?

It is this EM Forster bloke? Great writer

Gazzaniga was all set to sign up for that one but he dropped the pen

shame he got subbed by Man U yesterday...

Would be a crucial signing for us if we want to avoid shipping goals every weekend. Seems like good captaincy material too

News report template: Southampton are interested in *insert name of Dutch bloke* but face opposition from Liverpool, Man Utd and Spurs

All we seem to be left with is a bunch of Fisons grow bags

13. Make sure your catering is the envy of the rest of the Premier League 14. Don't get your kits from Primark

we're good at derisory

Ever? Really? Shilton and Flowers 86/7?

The wages thing is the method Harry used at Pompey etc, ultimately leading to club meltdowns but success along the way. They all fall for it. Difference is with a bit of clever accountancy we could do a similar thing with our recent cash influx, adding in clauses to ensure we don't go down the swanny if it all goes pear shaped and we get relegated. Football's broken, though.

No, it doesn't, but I too suspect they offered more, wages-wise, than we did. Just a gut feeling, so admittedly not scientific. Also suspect he weighed up the likelihoods of survival, plus living in London etc etc. F'sure.

Harry's brown envelope strikes again

This is exactly what will happen, starting with a spanking at Anfield, and Lambert 'not celebrating' his 4 goals against us. Wispy beardy boy will though.

Because we're not offering enough in wages to attract the best players