DT

Ramirez to Hull is probably the least likely transfer I've heard this window

Genius. 'Reports coming through that Everton have had their £14m bid for Brazilian playmaker Dildo accepted.'

Uh? Aren't personal terms likely to be how much we pay him in wages?

well played, Saints, well played.

Longest medical EVAH

Or just getting the spelling right on the shirt...

ominously unconfirmed...

His hamstring will be pinging regularly. Sell for highest price

Koeman unveils startling new line up to face Newcastle

Sort of was the whole point of my jokette

Special tributes at the Capel End

Finish upgraded to top 10

Fonte is captain...

Blimey. This is all looking rather good. Or will we concede a late goal...?

Our fax machine is burnt out

Perhaps we're just trying to make Spurs lose time in attending to this bid in order to stymie their own plans for bids on Jay Rod/ Morgan/ Clyne

£15m. Townsend. World's gone mad.

That link is a very popular one...

Capel is in on loan with £5m option to buy.

Pochettino is a total twonk and Spurs the most loathsome club in Britain

Capel in on loan http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/transfer-news/southampton-set-borrow-sporting-lisbon-4142758

Please be true. I get much more excited about CBs than most other positions as it's something we've not been great at over the years. Would be big signing

True, but Lennon has better end product. Just.

Lennon apparently available. Would be so much better than dross Townsend.

Much rather sell Jay Rod than Schneiderlin to be honest