franniesTache

Probably one of the best cities in the country for pubs even if the ground is pretty far out of the city. So the good news is that when they get three we can all head back to town for a good friday night piss up in Brighton before boarding the vomit comet home. As for the game, I mean do we have to? I'm really not sure how much more of watching Martin's ponderous football i can take, it's like a special kind of torture sitting through the inevitable sideways and backwards passing, and stupid costly mistakes due to the stubborn prick thinking he's better than he is. It honestly feels like we just need putting out of our misery now and have our results wiped for the rest of the season if he's staying, i'd save a fortune and we wouldn't have to put up with the constant embarrassment every week. We Limp Down.

Jones and Selles both have better records than Martin in the top flight. Wigely definitely the least successful on paper but Martin will beat him in the next three games.

You don't become a European Powerhouse (TM @gio1saints) by getting points, playing good football and winning games FFS, you get there by being relegated but getting maximum possession. Jesus why are people on here so backwards?

Apart from the fact we've had our worst ever top flight start, we've had a worse start than the team who had the worst ever top flight season, we have only scored seven goals all season, he refuses to change tactics despite them not working, his football is boring and sucks the soul out of the game, and he comes across as an arrogant bell end? Yeah you're right it's really weird.

Interesting question i saw raised somewhere, is this Saints side actually the worst top flight Saints side ever, or do we have the worst top flight Saints manager ever? I mean we all know statistically we're currently on course for becoming (and by some distance) the worst performing side, also the football is some of the worst to watch of any manager in my lifetime, but is that manager or players? I'm honestly unsure the players are as bad as the results suggest, if you take our relegated sides in the modern era then i'd say a lot of our current first time would be thereabouts the first team of the sides that went down, maybe Niemi over Ramsey, and Crouch over any of our current strikers. But really are this squad that bad? Which makes me think it's got to be the manager who's at fault

Sadly for Martin he hasn't quite managed to clone Jack Stephen's so his dream of subbing on five jack stephen's hasn't happened yet, but i'm sure Ramus is working on the tech right now

The good news about the game on sunday is it might finally be the game that stops people talking about the 9-0's. Mainly because 10-0 is worse, but that's by the by. I think we can all now predict what will happen. The game will kick off, we will immediately revert to Beaver like behaviour, but instead of building damns for no reason we will instead pass the ball around aimlessly and with no intent. Liverpool will capitalise on this utterly pointless tactic and score their first in the first ten minutes. We will arrive at the ground having badly misjudged the kick off due to it being 2pm. The Northam Wall will be in the full flux of recreating John Cage's 4'33", with the odd rendition of something about pompey to really drive the point that we're not obsessed home. About the 15th minute Liverpool will get their second, the entire ground will at this point completely resign themselves to what happens next, and the silence and groans will change into a collective depression for all bar the tourists in the home end. As half time approaches the third will go in, the players will trudge off and we will start the walk back to the pub, safe in the knowledge that there will be absolutely no improvement in the second half. Saints will come out unchanged, both in line up and in tactics, passing the ball pointlessly in areas that make absolutely no difference. Those watching on TV will have turned off or searched for something more exciting, like songs of praise or the BBC test card. We will then go on to concede, four? five? six? maybe even ten. The game will end, the weirdos left in the Northam will clap what is fast becoming the worst Saints team in living memory. Martin will be pleased that we secured zero shots on target so are clearly learning with each game that attacking play is to be stamped out at all cost. Mary Saint will finally crack, having seen her partner Sammy burnt in a wickerman shaped as Adrian Heath after the Everton game, and put through the torture of watching Russball every week, a tactic that will see the CIA in the crowd to learn new interrogation techniques for Guantanamo. She will run into the stands and rip the head off Ankersen, to reveal that he has in fact been Rupert Lowe all along, and that Russel Martin is the bastard love child of Jim Magilton and Jan Poortvliet. We pass slowly sideways and backwards to relegation.

You are all so short sighted, if we remove Ramus then we lose the visionary approach to the club where football is the least important part of football. Everyone knows the true worth of Southampton Football Club is to use it as a mechanism for Ramus to flog his AI football database software to other clubs whether it works or not. In the meantime he can prove his genius that will see us become a European Powerhouse (copyright @gio1saints) from league one, by allowing Martin to achieve his dream of wiping out unnecessary things like shooting completely from the game.

I imagine he hated le tiss because he didn't play simple sideways and backwards passes every time and instead created something out of nothing and treated football like something spontaneous and artistic instead of stats and a spreadsheet. And no one wants to see spontaneous and creative football, that would just be anarchy!

This post is parody right? Or did you decide to drink bleach and take magic mushrooms before you wrote it

Look you lot stop being so negative, Sport Republic clearly know that the FA, Premier League, FIFA, UEFA and new world order are all going to look at our predicament and realise that it is in fact the rest of football that is wrong and change the rules of the games so points are given based on passes completed and not giving the ball away. Goals will be a secondary factor and too many will mark your points down as you're giving the ball away too much. We will rise meteorically through the leagues and Europe before we are given the only ever golden ticket to take part in the World Cup which we will win. Martin will be hailed as the messiah, football itself will be renamed Russball and Augstin Delgado will come back to Southampton to party in the streets with the fans like he promised when he left. It might sound far fetched, but is it really more far fetched than us staying up with Russball and things as they are now? DREAM BIG PEOPLE, DREAM BIG

Merrington had a fairly easy ride if i remember rightly, a few vocal people who got on his back but nothing like what Branfoot had. Jones did get a fair amount of abuse, including some pretty bad stuff when rumours about his private life started to come out. But again it wasn't really much more than a few boos and angry calls to Solent. Souness - weirdly - seemed to be liked by a large chunk of our fanbase, something i never understood as i always thought he was absolutely woeful as a manager. In fact there was a sizeable amount of fans who didn't want him gone.

Nathan Jones got more points in the same number of games than Martin has so would in fact be an improvement

I genuinely think this is the least i've enjoyed watching Saints play since Branfoot (and at least under Branfoot we had Le Tiss). The "style" of play is dire, a million passes in areas that make no difference to the game, followed by a mistake that costs us the game and no mental strength in the team which means most times one goal turns into three as their heads drop. Then post game we have to listen to a bloke that is completely delusional tell us how it's positive and brave, and that all of us that watch it are wrong. Couple that with the god awful linked in speak that the more visible parts of the ownership stuff in our face and it's absolutely everything wrong with modern football. How anyone can enjoy watching the footballing equivalent of beige every week i can't understand. How the owners can't see what everyone else does, that repeating the same failed tactic every single week has the same result baffles me. How Martin can be so fucking arrogant to think it's working and great angers me.

Totally unacceptable reporting that, I think the club would be well within their rights to re-program these people to be more positive about the ground breaking football that is RUSSBALL, perhaps these journalists need some time in the gulag

What are you talking about no one wants Martin out, we are all learning to love the million passes that go nowhere, and we NOW understand that football is not about winning, but about statistics. Anyway i need to go back to my re-education because apparently i didn't quite express my love for Martin hard enough

I'm so glad the club have encouraged some of their people to post on here and telling us we're doing wrongthink, if it wasn't for them we'd all be hoisted to the gulags and the re-education would be incredibly expensive for the club. Instead we have people on here telling us why our eyes and opinions are wrong, and why we should learn to love Russball as the only form of the game. Thank you stooges, we have no learned that RUSS' WAY is the only way, that we are wrong, and must come onside. As we now know we have of course always been at war with direct football and shooting, and passing in infinite slow loops has always been our friend. Until such time of course when The Leaders tell us that we have never passed in slow infinite loops and infact we have always crossed the ball at the first opportunity. We all of COURSE enjoy this style of football, it is in no way slow, ponderous, predictable and boring. It is in fact edge of the seat stuff, the most exciting form of the game ever played, and the fact that we regularly clock less shots on goals than fingers on one hand is down to the fact that the stats people, and our own brains/eyes, are too exciting to register the hundreds of blistering attacks and shots that we have every game. By the way Stooges is there a compound you can recommend we live in? And a proper way to address Martin? Maybe even a name to call ourselves so we can identify as group in our love for that which our betters know is good for us?

Hands down the weirdest game i've been to, we won 6-0 but were definitely the worse side on the day. In fact it just seemed like every single shot we hit went in. Can't say i've been to another game ever where we won by so many but probably deserved to lose 🤣 The locals we're NOT happy that day after the game either

Wolves are looking like a team that can't buy a win at the moment, in fact the only way they could get one is to come up against a club that is set up in a way that means they are treating football like a New York performance art piece directed by Terry Riley. One where the aim of the game is to demonstrate the futility of enjoyment by repeating the same passage of play on infinite loops, testing the crowds ability to stay awake and engaged, and reducing the spectacle to parody. Fortunately for them then they're in luck as Martin and Sport Republic seem to have taken on just that brief. Wolves away, what's to say? A club that invented European football but also has the honour of being the longest serving club in the english second division ever. Obviously Saints will never break the first record, but under the steady guidance of Martin the second is there for us to beat, and this game is a step in the right direction to achieving that. Molyneux itself is a proper football ground, with real ends and an inspiration for the NORTHAM WALL (tm). On the downside the away end is also the worst in the league, long and spread out down the side. The plus side however is the away end is far enough away from either goal that the Saints away support will be perfectly placed to watch all of our play with the ball as we spread it sideways and backwards across the midfield for what feels like an eternity. So predictable and dull is the way Saints play under Martin Sisyphus himself would choose the boulder over watching us (and most of us would prefer to watch that too). Usually with RussBall the sensible money would be on 74% possession and a 3-0 loss, but i'd imagine Martin's reaction to Saints actually winning a game will be to double down on us wastefully giving the ball away to Everton by putting it in the net and drop all recognisable strikers and keep it tight. So a 1-0 loss it is then. Which is probably a good thing due to the fact that Wolverhampton is such a shithole you can't even invoke the 3-0 rule properly as there's no pubs that'll let you in. WE PASS IT SIDEWAYS ON!

In a bid to unify and excite the fanbase Lucy Pinder will lead the team out, dressed as a nun (in stockings), but to ensure we are inclusive Craig David will also jointly lead the team out, dressed as a nun (in stockings). In the time between the Stoke game and now Martin will finally have coached the team to resemble the famous Dutch side of the 1970's, this will be no more obvious than the fact that Dibling will now chain smokes 40 a day and Smallbone will have developed a heart problem to mirror Neeskens perfectly. Dyche will be stood on the sidelines of this, the pyros of the Northam Ultras reflecting off his bald dome, shocked and intimidated by the awe inspiring modern football spectacle. He will respond by "getting it in the mixer", encouraging Everton to kick everyone that moves, and most importantly by winning the game, 3-0. The loss will not deter Martin, who will point to the fact that Dibling's new found smoking habit has had the positive effect of stopping him running so much, which means he has to pass the ball more, and the various states of injuries on the players mean they won't do stupid things like trying to actually shoot. Sadly the pyros in the Northam Wall will have resulted in a large number of deaths related to asthma and burns, and whilst this is bad it will be darkly overshadowed by the number of fans who slip into a catatonic coma due to the general boredom at having to still watch RUSSBALL(tm). We will finish the game adrift from safety, a fact Sports Republic will brilliantly deflect from by marking the closest day to fireworks night in the form of burning a 20ft effigy of Adrian Heath in the Northam Fanzone (sadly like everything else they've done this will go badly wrong as Sammy Saint will be trapped inside and burned to death). We March Down

Look surely the proof is there for all of us to see. Forget the fact we have only got 1 pt from a possible 27. Forget that we're bottom of the league. Forget that we've conceded 19 goals and only scored 6. Forget that our only two wins this season have come against lower league opposition and both been due to James Bree goals. None of that is the point. The point is we've retained possession, and BEEN BRAVE! And obviously Ferguson could never have done that.

Preach Lucy! Our idiot dissident element cannot ever comprehend the abilities of our great leader and the vanguard. They are guilty of doublethink for questioning the endless passing and lack of shooting, and should be sent to the fanzone gulag archipelago's to be re-educated on the Newspeak of xP (passing) and retention. Only then will they realise that the ONLY way is the Martin WAY (tm) and settle back with a nice drink of Kool Aid and a soothing chant of OOOOOOOM to honour our great god, overlord and innovative footballing leader. ALL HEIL MARTIN, MARTIN IS OUR KING. ONWARDS! FOR MARTIN, PASSING AND STATSTICS!

If we win on Saturday we'll still be behind Derby's worst ever points total season (11) and Sunderland's second worst ever points total season (15) since both of them had 5 points by the 9th game of the season. Also relegation is going to be a financial disaster for saints, i don't think people realised how close to the sun we were flying last season, and how important it was to come back up first time round. As for Martin staying if we do go down with him in charge, and make no mistake if we do it'll be on the worst points total ever, I think season ticket sales will drop off a cliff. People are really underestimating just how much most saints fans are putting up with Martin based on him banking favours from last season. The majority i know (young, old and middle aged) find his style of football boring as fuck and his stubbornness and arrogance annoying. The small cult on here and social media who seemingly idolise him are absolutely in the minority, and keeping him on if we go down will see a hell of a reaction, both against him and the owners.