rallyboy

There are two things that will always raise a smile on a dull day, one is the original statue of Ted - the other is a big pink wardrobe in a swimsuit going off the top board with the grace of a wheelbarrow of rubble, gliding like a concrete slab, and emptying a swimming pool.

I think it would be fair for any club to ask why a supporter is buying 15 season tickets, or checking the ID of someone who is 110 years old. United have such demand that there must be some odd things going on. I'm not sure we need to worry too much yet - what with our 45,000 seater stadium just around the corner.

Sorry Sue....it's all gone a bit dull since season ticket money was used to pay for their hero manager to **** prossies behind a skip in an industrial estate as he masterminded their relegation. That was the kind of thing that went on a weekly basis, and we just became used to it. Are they still trading?

He needs to sober up.

Why do they keep calling each home game a sellout or a packed house? They have 3,000 empty seats - unless the council has closed a section of the ground and pompey have forgotten to tell anyone? Or they are telling fibs again...

Fair play to Cook - he just apologised for the fans' behaviour and said they let themselves down against Luton. It'll be interesting to see how those words stack up once they've been translated for the easily led.

O'Hara is one of the little creamy-chinned heroes that milked the crippled old cow dry. He and his mates sucked so hard on the pompey udders that the team got all bloaty and relegated, while the dried up cow still stumbles around the 4th tier trying to dodge the bolt gun.

Despite great efforts by Dean and Clattenberg, the worst I've seen this season was Roger East in the Stoke Bournemouth game. Shawcross chopped someone down from behind as they went into the box and East waved play on. It was the most blatant penalty you will ever see.

The visiting boss labelled the Fratton faithful an ‘absolute disgrace’ and accused them of lacking class in yesterday’s League Two encounter. #notnews

Have we reached the point where someone from the 1990's suggests Glenn Hoddle as the answer and the rest of us try to keep a straight face?

Talking of shares, there was much talk of all the players and former players rallying to the aid of the sinking ship and chipping in to support them. The glorious wall of pluckiness unveiled last week shows that only two players actually put their hands in their pockets... Some down Portsea way are regarding it as a wall to highlight who has been shouting their support, but who didn't actually donate.

My major complaint is that we have seen offences far worse than that committed against us and have been awarded nothing. If that's a straight red we'll be watching 9 v 9 most weeks. There is no consistency.

I don't know why people follow football, unless they know the players personally they have no right to enjoy a victory or to be disappointed at a defeat.

In the last ten years the team joint top on Boxing Day has always finished joint top.

Yeah, experienced internationals who have played in world cup finals, in games between Brazil and Argentina, in Milan derbies and Champions' League games at Galatasaray, they were frozen with fear when they played at the little fortress of Fat with the cross-eyed toothless offering lucky heather. Perhaps it was the table and chair set from HMS Victory that intimidated them, or the Turin Shroud tablecloth, the mobility scooter stunt show, and the 17th century toilets living museum? Either way it was all too much for every side that visited and they all froze like Hartlepool players who haven't kept a clean sheet since the London Olympics. The few believe their own hype - life in the 4th tier must leave you out of touch with big boy football.

That's top nutjobbery right there Hutch! They post a picture of a wall to the glorious people who don't own the club - we give the building a survey and fail it on all counts. #attentiontodetail

I hope for him it's a pork pie hat.

the boys from the HMRC choir were singing time to pay, and the boos were ringing out down Fratton way.

Of the top seven, six of them won today. One didn't...

At least they are still joint top.

All this stuff about the crowds being too passionate or the job being too big for the manager, and the game being too big for the ref - it's bizarre. If pressure was such a factor it would mean that every big club would lose to every small club - until the smaller clubs became bigger as a result, then they'd draw for a bit, until one club felt bigger and started losing.

Isn't that a bunch of deluded extremists led by idiots who continually bicker among themselves, abuse anyone who is different, are facing an enquiry into their finances, and who want to live in the 1950s? I don't know anything about UKIP though.

The investigations are stacking up... The half-time bust up, the appeal for cheating - those two are likely to delay even further the long-awaited forensic investigation into the decade of criminality in the old club with a similar name. How is that one going?

It will be quite an achievement to not get out of that division - but they are giving it a good go.

Just to clarify that gap Alpine, if pompey sold out every home fixture for the next ten years, they would be further behind us in 2026 than they are now. The attendance debate is over. We won.