rallyboy

That is such a poor division that I still can't see them dodging promotion again, that would be an epic achievement. So tonight is the big one - win at home and I suspect they will scramble into third for the rest of the season. That would mean they could rejoin bigger clubs like Bury, Rochdale and Fleetwood. But credit where it's due, and they do love a bit of credit. They have come a a long way in five years - from the bottom of League One, all the way to...half a dozen places below that.

Interesting read ta - it looks like the game has come a long way from steaks for pre-match meal and a fag at halftime. And it's good to see that we appear to have developed a sports science approach that should be a blueprint for others to follow - with no reference to hockey or rugby!

What a pleasant surprise. We appear to have stumbled across someone who is able to strike a decent blow to a cow's arse with a banjo.

The difference with VVD is that everyone had the opportunity to buy him when we did - it must be the most public transfer we have done in recent years. We haven't unearthed a gem, as in Poch, Mane, Lovren (!), Koeman, Alderweireld, Clyne, Pelle etc - the whole world knew that we were in for VVD and they had all seen him play, no one else was interested. Hopefully, whatever it was that discouraged them back then, still does now.

That's kind of him to make himself available for the Wembley gig.

I know top strikers are the preserve of the well-funded elite but we do seem to be gathering a collection of forwards who are not quite there - it's all a bit quantity over quality at the moment.

In health news, another glorious victory for the spiritual home of the few. The Shepherd's Crook, the traditional home pub within a fat squirt of Fratton Park, has scooped the Portsmouth City Council award for the dirtiest pub on Portsea. When visited by health inspectors it was the only pub in the city to score zero in hygiene ratings.

Is the club really five years old already? - how times flies when you are jealous.

Run Nige, run as far away from that place as you can get.

pompey recruit promising Championship full back - at last, something that matches the ambition of the floodlights! (in reality - a player last seen in Wolves reserves squad)

If I was you I would be wary. If there is any borrowing or a deadline involved then trouble is likely to appear when you least need it. While there are profits to be made, you need a lot of wiggle room to prevent it turning into two years of hell. Approach with extreme caution - and expert advice.

They've realised that ownership of the comatose giant is too big a job - for themselves. It's the pressure of their own virtual cup final, they are weighed down by their own inner expectation. Sort of. Or some other twaddle about warchests, rallying cries and plucky heroes.

Any high points? Yeah, the ref blowing the final whistle. You have to admire that cheeky Scouse sense of humour... Though he does look like a bloke who is ready to confront the next fan who tells him where he is going wrong. Tune in next week for more play-off-based laughs.

Excellent! So they have signed an international centre forward.

He's been on a very long trek trying to rediscover his long lost street cred - Paramount bought the rights but Harrison Ford turned it down because it wasn't that successful a search.

Rose-tinted virtual strip lights!

Does he chuck in a fresh MOT and a set of mats with every goal?

No, he joined them for the love of it, and that went for the backroom staff and players as well. Many took pay cuts - none of them grabbed at the longest contracts in League Two on inflated wages through greed. It's all about the honour of playing in front of the nearly sold-out, nearly fan-owned, fat-free faithful.

The League Two's sleepiest minnows must be doing something right if bigger clubs like Chesterfield are trying to poach their manager.

There are two things that will always raise a smile on a dull day, one is the original statue of Ted - the other is a big pink wardrobe in a swimsuit going off the top board with the grace of a wheelbarrow of rubble, gliding like a concrete slab, and emptying a swimming pool.

I think it would be fair for any club to ask why a supporter is buying 15 season tickets, or checking the ID of someone who is 110 years old. United have such demand that there must be some odd things going on. I'm not sure we need to worry too much yet - what with our 45,000 seater stadium just around the corner.

Sorry Sue....it's all gone a bit dull since season ticket money was used to pay for their hero manager to **** prossies behind a skip in an industrial estate as he masterminded their relegation. That was the kind of thing that went on a weekly basis, and we just became used to it. Are they still trading?

He needs to sober up.

Why do they keep calling each home game a sellout or a packed house? They have 3,000 empty seats - unless the council has closed a section of the ground and pompey have forgotten to tell anyone? Or they are telling fibs again...

Fair play to Cook - he just apologised for the fans' behaviour and said they let themselves down against Luton. It'll be interesting to see how those words stack up once they've been translated for the easily led.