Torrent Of Abuse

I was going to ask a question about Claus Lundekvam's favourite cheese or Lucy Pinder's breast measurements but I don't know either answer (particularly sad in the case of the latter) and I've got no trivia for you so I'll take my point and leave the question for someone else to ask. First come first served?

Craig Dell Maskell

If we're discussing who married Ian Branfoot's daughter then the quiz has become so difficult that I'd be better off trying to guess next week's lottery numbers.

Nope. They can't be considered raw fish after the amount of hot water they've been in.

All that "romance of the cup" ******** really annoys me. This is a squad which was assembled at the cost of £140m of debt, for the sole purpose of buying success, without the intention over the last 9 months of paying back more than the merest slither of what is owed - despite numerous chances to do so. Where is the romance in that? Is it somehow romantic to be crap for 38 league matches but save your fight for 8 cup games? Is it really that much of a hardship to incur a 9 point penalty for defrauding local businesses and charities when that penalty actually makes no difference as you're already 5 points off safety when it's applied and 7 off safety when the season ends? If that's romance, then we're obviously struggling to make this old competition exciting any more. It wasn't David vs Goliath, it was the club which could afford the very best against the club which couldn't afford the very best but bought it anyway. The spirit of the 1988 Wimbledon v Liverpool final must be spinning in it's grave. How could any of the commentators compare this year's clash of overpaid winners vs overpaid losers to the game which saw the trophy lifted by a team of lowly-paid battlers who had fought theIr way up from the non-leagues? You might as well pack up your book of cliches and go home. As for Avram and his fairy tales, I've got another sordid story for him to spin into something glamorous. It's a tale which is quintessentially 2008-2010. It's about a group of highly-paid, so-called professionals showered with bonus payments who start off drunk with their own success but end up in failure, bankrupting their employers, dragging everyone down with them. No, it's not the Pompey story, it's the story of the banking industry. If Avram can spin that into a story of romance and rugged underdogs, ambassadors of their industry then I'll genuinely believe in fairy tales...

"Spitfire" would have more of a Southampton association, surely?

Damn. One more out of contention. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8675874.stm I guess he's dumb enough to think he's coaching the Azzurri.

There is no way David Hirst's shot was 114mph. He might have eaten a burger at 114mph but hit a ball? Surely not. Still remember Tiss's one v Newcastle. The last one in the 2-2? That was a ****ing exocet. Seemed to guide itself through a crowd of about 6 players. Abso-****ing-lutely-magical.

Maybe it would be better for them to go up but I do remember them at the Dell waving a Pompey flag so no support from me. Stay down and keep that flag to yourselves.

Umm. I think he was pretty clear. The damage was caused in the dire start to the season when we couldn't win a raffle. Just 12 points from 11 games. That was in turn caused by building a side (well let's be honest, rebuilding the club) from near scratch. That would have f**ked us up even if we had lost in the first round. Our form since the first cup game is around 1.7pt/game, which would have given us 78 points if we had started the season the way we played it after those first 11 games. 78 points would be enough in any season but this. We are unlucky to have encountered such a tight promotion race. Our 2010 average is over 2pts/game. Championship form, cup or no cup. The negative effect of the cup was surely minimal. In fact the effect could well have been beneficial to morale. Was there really much else to cheer as we chased that mighty 10 point penalty down? I'm happy our club got its day out but happier it rediscovered winning and got a taste for what winning brings. That's something we will bear the fruits of in seasons to come.

Creditor #1: "I'm dialling 0105 645 742 but it doesn't seem to recognise it." Creditor #2: "No, mate. That's the debt figure. The phone number's the smaller number over there..."

"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" or to give it's Portsmouth equivalent: "If anyone is going to throw stones at the scummers, it's probably that 12 year old and his 9 year old sister."

This would be the same Guided Missile who started a thread voicing contempt for Saints fans who live outside the UK. Perhaps before bringing fans of all colours together to sing "Kum By Ya" and "Ebony and Ivory", you could start by not being a **** to fans of your own club. Just a thought.

That song reminds me of another Jason from the 90s. "He's got a pine-apple on his head... He's got a pine-apple on his head..."

I disagree entirely. I think that if the current club was punished by dropping them into the lower levels of football, they would harbour a grudge much greater than anything any of us could imagine. They already gripe about the fairness of their points deduction and relegation, even though the facts show that they could get the 9 points back with another 9 points as BONUS for being such good ambassadors for the game and still go down. If they dropped a couple of leagues without having suffered the actual relegations, that would only foster the culture of "poor us" at Fratton Park. I would like to see the full details of their sordid club exposed, complete with a heavy points penalty for next season and the extraction of those ill-gotten parachute payments to settle at least a portion of their debts. Then they can appoint a cheap manager, play a youth team (just as we did) and see if it's as easy to hold off relegation when you aren't playing a team of mercenaries who are up for a cup final. I want them to hawk that "bestest fans in the world" mentality around the Championship and L1 to see how it plays when the rest of football isn't that bothered about them any more. After all, we've seen first hand that the media only play the "plucky little club" story while you're winning. When you're down, they more than anyone else know you are just another "little club". In fact, you're actually smaller than the rest, because you're a club in demise. After they've learnt that lesson again, I'd like to see them fight to get back into the Championship by fair means. Then the "debt" will be paid. For those who think no PFC means happy times, just remember that the hatred is just as likely to come out in other ways. You won't be seeing red and white shirts down that end of the M27 in our generation or the next. Nor would you see blue shirts up here.

"The Premier League have not deducted 9 points from us. They have actually GIVEN us 9 points for being good ambassadors for the game. We are not banned from Europe, we decided to leave due to the corruption in the game. We are starting the Portsea Island Champions League, from which all European teams are banned..."

I would argue that we HAVE to. I get the feeling that next year's Championship will actually be pretty weak, with Portsmouth, Crystal Palace and Hull all weakened by money worries. There's a real chance that a team could get promoted this year and have a pop at going straight through to the Premiership. I'd like that team to be Saints. I'd hate the skates to take advantage of a poor Championship. They've had enough helping hands this season without getting an easy season next year.

Or offering them for £125.

Amazingly only Norwich, Huddersfield and Saints won from the top 11 teams this weekend. It certainly is squeaky bum time up at the top isn't it? We may be the only team with the guts to pull off a 100% finishing streak. Who would want to play us if we managed that? Shame about Morgan though. We're probably without him for a few games. Then Pardew will have to consider how he brings him back in. Is it fair for him to step back in while his replacement moves aside and misses the playoffs? We might have no choice as he's in our best XI.

I guess timing of results is all important. For instance, if Colchester and Huddersfield have to play each other, we have to hope both have something to play for. And (as the Milwall match shows) the right people available to play and up for the game. No-one said it had to be easy

True. Terrible result really but remember it can only take a freak referee-assisted result like we had at Tranmere away to turn Huddersfield over. Then it becomes 5pts from 2 games and it's a different proposition. As before, we just need to keep winning, keep chasing down Colchester and we'll take it from there. At best, we'll sneak in. At worst, we get a fantastic pre-pre season.

Quite. I guess that's when it's better to be third in the form table over the last 8 games with a 2 point per game average, chasing a team like Colchester with a 0.75 point per game average and Huddersfield with a 1.25 point per game average. http://stats.football365.com/dom/ENG/D2/oform.html Portsmouth have a 0.87 point per game average. The only team they are getting any serious advantage over is Hull who have a pitiful 0.37 points per game. Even with the 9 points back it would take 8 games to catch them. Sadly (for them) they only have 5. If they got the 9 points back and aimed to catch Wigan (8pts ahead) in 17th (0.75ppg) they'd need to end the season in 2012. By that time, they'll probably be more interested in what's happening at Southend And Stockport than at Hull and Wigan. :)

I could be wrong but I still think it will be a close game. Maybe 2-1. Hopefully to Spurs of course. But remember this could be the last game that any of the squad give a s**t about. They're only really in it to steal another cup final. The real business end of the collapse will come next week if they fail to win. The first team squad will all be available for sale. Those who rushed to be fit will suddenly be uninterested again. Maybe only O'Hara and James will actually give a damn. It will be a great loss for them to not have Hreidarsson available. He seems (to me at least) to be a model pro. Then they play a Wigan side who actually have something to play for midweek. If you think we had a slight hangover playing Brighton after the JPT Final, it's nothing to what they'd get next week. I'd guess 4-1 to Wigan. Then they entertain Villa at home and Bolton away. They might still only have 14 points when they play Wolves on May 1st...

And let us not forget that admin came after a year - a full year - of being stripped of talented players in favour of kids and untalented journeymen selected because of their cost rather than their ability (Pulis, Forecast, etc.) and a season of losing to everyone and their dog. That after another season of struggle with three (or was it four?) management teams and again a hotchpotch of different manager's players. Even our failed playoff bid was characterised by a team who couldn't really maintain any consistency in performance or team selection. Before that we've had a first season in the Championship which showed not the slightest aptitude for promotion, hot on the heels from relegation from the Premiership with a mixture of decent players (who all left once we got relegated) and a few laughably untalented Nd overpaid squad players who we had to basically give away just to get rid of them. Admin isn't death but it is indeed life support and for us it comes after a 4 year battle against a debilitating illness. So, yes, I am prepared for things to take time. All this impatience for success may seem very admirable and I'm sure it comforts some of you to consider yourselves as the lone voices of ambition and desire at the club but if you fail to properly acknowledge where we are and where we have come from and how little time it's taken to get here then you're really no better than the guy who leaves his house to rot around him for year after year, calls in the builders one day and then proceeds to run around the house after them making statements like "A real builder would have sorted that out", "This rising damp excuse is wearing a bit thin now" and "Why don't tradesmen have ambition any more"

The strangest idea occurred to me: We had that Carlisle fan posting that he was going to Wembley wearing a Pompey shirt. Should we suggest that we can buy out Pompey's remaining unsold tickets? I reckon we could probably get more Saints fans in Saints shirts there than they can get Pompey fans. We wouldn't need to take 50,000 - just about 20,000 should do it We could boo both Pompey and Saggychops. Would be great fun.