Lighthouse

If by that you mean ‘can’t go without food tomorrow’, then yes, that includes me. Sundays are already busy because of stupid, outdated opening hours, meaning everyone has to pile in before 4pm, now we’ve effectively double the number of people needing to go today.

No, it never will be and nor will it be for the next manager after Ralph, or the man after him. The days of ‘Arry phoning up Niko Kranjcar and Jermaine Defoe to see if they fancy a game are gone. We have an entire recruitment team looking for signings and more importantly a budget which dictates which ones we can afford. Unless you believe Ralph has suddenly developed an interest in teenage boys, this is not ‘Ralph’s team’. It’s Southampton Football Club’s team, Ralph is another employee fulfilling a different role.

Why would you hope we finish below all of those teams, in 17th? It’s early days and all still to play for. The table will look completely different in a few months, there’s no way Brighton and Fulham will finish in the top 6.

It’s the Indy, quirky for the sake of quirky.

So Newcastle (10th) and Liverpool (8th) are tough fixtures compared to Man Utd (5th) and Chelsea (7th)?

So because we’ve spent £70m we really should be expecting to beat the likes of Man United and Chelsea? Strange how everyone we play has been, “sh*te,” and we get zero credit for making the look bad. Villa have a bunch of £30m players, double what we’ve spent on any of our team, but we should just beat them because you said so? Results like Villa and Wolves happen, they were away games against competent opponents, which could have gone either way. The time to start losing sleep is when you go to Bournemouth or Fulham and are 3-0 down at half time.

“Adam’s has to start, FFS Ralph it’s so obvious!” ”Play Perraud - a LB at LB - FFS Ralph it’s so obvious!” ”Ditch the five at the back, FFS Ralph it’s so obvious!” ”ABK has to start ahead of Valery, FFS Ralph it’s so obvious!” ”McCarthy needs dropping, FFS Ralph it’s so obvious!” etc. Strangely, all these obvious choices people were demanding he made didn’t seem to make us any better. I think people need to accept that 7 points from those 7 fixtures is about a par score for Saints. We look better than last year overall, but £70m isn’t going to turn that team into world beaters.

After 7 games, we're currently 12th after a tough set of opening fixtures and you're talking about last chances and must win games?

You're joking right?I know hating the Tories is your thing but Britain is almost certainly in the 20 least corrupt nations on Earth.

And there’s probably a good reason that’s the case. We will see more of the new lads with time. Liv and Lav are injured and apparently Aribo hasn’t been fully fit this week either. We’re going to have to be patient, like it or not.

Or, it's a matter of time before they start looking like a decent Premier League team. This many new players don't just click instantly in every game. There will be Chelsea games and Villa games along the way.

Good bye, everyone.

Sky History 2 are showing Paranormal: Caught on Camera, featuring a possible Sasquatch sighting in Siberia. You have five minutes Saints, don’t make me do it.

WTF did Prowse think he was passing to there?

Great run by Larios and the f**king Moi gets hold of it.

Sitting incredibly deep, 11 men in the box for corners and our out ball seems to be Moi running through treacle into two defenders.

Not thrilled but not upset either, so fair enough, with five subs he can generously be described as 'an option'. TBH I feel better about it now that: 1) We've added Fandab and Aribo in the AM positions. 2) Redmond has left and Moi, Walcott and Tella may well follow next summer.

It’s hard to tell his age from distance and with a headdress but if he is some 70+ year old who’s given his country decades of service, I can forgive him for not marching properly over a prolonged period.

You can't have a funeral without McNuggets. It's what she would have wanted.

The whole country goes mad in times of grief, the Centre Parcs and NHS stuff is ludicrous. Which cretin thought chucking people out of their accommodation right in the middle of their holiday was in any way a sane idea or respectful to the Queen? Cancelling the football I get; I don't agree with it but I do get the principle of suspending things which are fun out of respect for the monarch passing. Other stuff, like the met office suspending updates out of, "respect," is just bat sh*t. As if knowing there's going to be 63% humidity this afternoon is some sort of joyous celebration.

As my dear late grandma used to say, "if you can’t say anything nice to someone, chuck a frag. Grenade in there."

I don’t get it either. He’s the quite obvious choice to replace Lavia in the short term.

Want to be my VAR against the Dog and Parrot this weekend?

We mustn’t underestimate Russia, they haven’t all given up fighting.