Lighthouse

Can't blame Boruc, it was a complete freak incident. Neither keeper managed to get a goal kick across the half way line kicking into wind, it was that strong. It wasn't like Begovic's kick bobbled along the ground either, it was still well airborne when it went it. Had a monster tailwind behind it.

Ive just bought a can of deodorant and the instructions say 'twist cap and push up bottom.' It hurts a bit but my farts smell great.

Ive just bought a can of deodorant and the instructions say 'twist cap and push up bottom.' It hurts a bit but my farts smell great.

I had sex with a fish once but it didn't wake the fish up. I hope this information is of some use.

Just landed at Bristol Airport. 5mph winds but very strong at higher altitude. ****ing it down, wind forecast to get worse over night.

No pets but I have a cactus called Rudi Skacel.

I was looking around PC World the other day and it turns out LCD and plasma TVs are pretty much obsolete these days. The speed of modern technology.

Truly excellent and professional performance. Built a 2-0 goal cushion then kept the ball, no Hollywood stuff chasing 4 or 5 nil even if we could have scored more. I can't pick a bad performance. I'd say they were all excellent with the possible exception of Boruc who had bugger all to do for the most part. Even so he had a safe pair of hands and his distribution looked decent. Fulham for their part were awful. Their strikers looked lazy, the midfield didn't support and their entire team ethic just looked disjointed and lacking any real plan. Berbatov may well be class on his day but I wouldn't want him anywhere near our squad. Just looks like he couldn't give a f**k half the time. I am now faced with something of an oxymoron. Looking forward to a trip to Stoke.

I would have bashed one off if that shot for JRod had gone in.

Was very helpful of Fulham not to turn up for the first half. Hopefully they don't bother with the second either.

I'll start with pandas. What's the f**king point.

If Dzagoev can play consistently at the level he did in last years Euros he will be awesome. If.

It's all gone now.

Eric Djemba Djemba played for Man Utd and David Nugent played for England. I think it just shows how average both Man Utd and England are at the moment that Young gets a game for either. I wouldn't take him personally, I don't think he's that good.

Personally I would offer Dnipro the £15m they are asking for Yevhen Konoplyanka and possibly sell Gaston to help finance the deal if his head isnt in it here. To have the depth to be serious about CL football we will need a better option at LB than Fox, even if he only plays 5 games it could cost us vital points. Same with KD, we need a decent back up keeper. It may be time to admit defeat with Gazzaniga, I don't know having not seen him train or play recently.

Personally I'd have gone for the George Foreman multi-grill before the toaster, gives a more even cooking and helps drain excess trans fats.

I wonder if Jos fancies playing the anchor man in a 4-5-1 Boruc Andruszewski Lancashire Lovren Bridge Antonio Griffit Hooiveld Anders Idiakez Rasiak Right, that's enough internet for today.

Moss Ostlund Oakley Svensson Evans Fernandes Uwe Cork Kosowski Evans Rasiak Not sure Oakley filling in at CB, we might ship a few goals there. Evans will have to be pretty fit to cover LB as well as playing up front too.

I think alpine has a point. We don't need these peasants, lets just get a couple of RAF Typhoons to come in and wipe the place out. Then we will have space to build that petting zoo we always wanted.

I live here and it's not that bad (watch me go and get mugged now I've said that). There are rough parts like St Paul's and Easton but there are worse cities out there. It's not in the same league as Middlesbrough.

Nowhere near being in the worst towns in Britain. I've lived in places like Lincoln and Stafford, probably 2 of the most boring settlements on Earth. If it's not boredom there are far worse sh*t holes out there. I remember our trip to Middlesbrough at the tail end of the Championship season, probably the grimmest looking city I've ever driven through, with Luton being a very strong contender. Just to list a few of the worse places I've visited; Boro, Luton, Pompey, MK, Coventry, Stoke, Stafford, Lincoln, Grantham, Swindon, Yeovil, Sunderland, Rochdale, Wolverhampton, parts of Glasgow (Paisley), Leeds, Hull, Grimsby, S****horpe, Newark and Northampton.

One day, when Xavi joins the club he supported as a boy...

If Lambert and Boruc could conspire to put Rooney in a coma during the international break that might help a bit. Not young or Cleverly though, if they are injured they might get replaced by someone like Kagawa, who is actually quite good.

Think a few people will be selling RVP in the near future. He's good but £14m will buy you an awful lot more at the moment.

Same. My starting X1 for this weekend is Lloris, Baines, Mertesacker, Lovren, Shaw, Barkley, Sigurdsson, Michu, Ramsey, RVP, Giroud.