dubai_phil Posted 7 October, 2008 Share Posted 7 October, 2008 Was bored so stuck this on the weekend fred. Think it deserves some debate as I'm meeting my mate on Thursday for beer and would be interesting to see how much things have changed since he got a wife:-) An old mate of mine once sorted them as follows, and I try to recall how it went Wife - a constant stream of bills, criticism of your fitness, lifestyle and friends, secks when they want it and maybe a bj once a year on your birthday as long as you don't get p*ssed up first. It's always HER friends who come to dinner parties. You can't afford a weekend break in Prague Fiance - First signs of worst habits of wife but with secks, a definite reluctance to "go out with the boys". Will still be interested in a weekend trip to Prague but only for the architecture and that "pretty bridge". Will invite your friends for a dinner party but will be stressed out for months about it Missus - a wife in waiting, focuses on looking at furniture, suggests improvements in your wardrobe, will go out with your mates a couple of times a year but gives the body language of hmm. The secks is ok but unlikely to be quickies in a lay-by, might remember where the feather duster is once or twice a year, probably get a bj once every 6 weeks or so, would probably enjoy a weekend trip to Prague but will drag you home from the bar after only 3 beers with the promise of something interesting (which in hindsight wasn't REALLY worth missing the other 6 beers for). You would take her to a dinner party Girlfriend - sits at your side through football, pub with mates, cinema, shopping. Looks at nice things in shops and goes ooh, but doesn't REALLY expect you to buy it for them. Rarely seen without best clothes on, always full of compliments about you, your friends and of course your choice of Vindaloo on a Friday. Only sign of the woes to come would be a reluctance to have a kebab with Chilli sauce on the way home from the pub. Has secks regularly and enjoys being creative. A really good one would buy you a pay of handcuffs for Christmas and a feather duster. Would join you in the dodgy bar in Prague and gently crtique the bodies around the stage. You would have dinner in a pub/restaurant F*ck Buddy - visits you as often as possible, doesn't want to go out, just wants more more more. Will even wear a Saints shirt and sit on your lap while the game is on telly. Creativity isn't there as she normally only has time to tear your favourite shirt in a rush to get it off. Would be on the stage in Prague given half a chance. Who the hell needs dinner! Date - Holds your arm while walking from the restaurant or the posh "chill-out" lounge that you have been to impress her. An occassional holding of hands causes a speeding up of your heart rate and your mouth starts uttering stupid comments that would sound cheesy in a bad Hollywood college love movie. You are focused on what's under the T-Shirt/spangly top, she is focused on what's in your wallet or what's in your gene pool. You know that only slappers sh*g on the first date, you don't want to go out with one but you HOPE that she'll make an exception just for you. She'll want to play it cool so that she doesn't scare you away and you go home thinking - hmm next time, next time, next time. Why waste money taking her to Prague? but you know you're going to take her to that big romantic restaurant that your mates recommended (and which is always embarrassingly BAD) Oh and she's always late 'cos she's making herself look gorgeous Then finally you get that whole drunken fumbling 30 seconds later moment, and then it's all about recovery time as to whether you go to level 2, straight to girlfriend or back to square one. Of course this misses out the whole new technology stuff but it was a long time ago that he recounted his tales! He also pointed out that it can take anything from 3 months to 10 years to get from step one to wife. Just depends on how long you are able to delay the process Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crouchie's Lawyer Posted 7 October, 2008 Share Posted 7 October, 2008 I have a Missus (even though she is my Fiance) de ja vu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rory Posted 7 October, 2008 Share Posted 7 October, 2008 lmao! All those are shockingly accurate (apart from the wife as I haven't experienced that one) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 7 October, 2008 Author Share Posted 7 October, 2008 I have a Missus (even though she is my Fiance) de ja vu As someone once said, one of life's best secrets is having one near the top of the list and one near the bottom. Mind you he finds the alimony a strain in these difficult times :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Bates Posted 7 October, 2008 Share Posted 7 October, 2008 I understand what i'm missing out on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saints_is_the_south Posted 7 October, 2008 Share Posted 7 October, 2008 (edited) As posted in the rate yer weekend thread my other half would be defined as a girlfriend at present. In response to dubai_phil's post in said thread no i didn't miss out on the f*ck buddy stage. Luckily that was had for about a month before we "officially" got together. I don't think she's too far away from getting to the missus stage though tbh Edited 7 October, 2008 by saints_is_the_south Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saint_stevo Posted 7 October, 2008 Share Posted 7 October, 2008 the b*tch? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sundance Beast Posted 7 October, 2008 Share Posted 7 October, 2008 Mail order brides? Wes Tender's specialist subject - alledgedly;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 7 October, 2008 Share Posted 7 October, 2008 (apart from the wife as I haven't experienced that one) Wanna try mine out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saint_stevo Posted 7 October, 2008 Share Posted 7 October, 2008 Shall we all throw the keys in? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 7 October, 2008 Share Posted 7 October, 2008 Shall we all throw the keys in? You might lose them - another wife telltale sign Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aids victim Posted 8 October, 2008 Share Posted 8 October, 2008 I currently have a girlfriend, but this should hopefully change in the next few days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The King Posted 8 October, 2008 Share Posted 8 October, 2008 lmao! All those are shockingly accurate (apart from the wife as I haven't experienced that one) I agree, good read IMO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ericofarabia Posted 8 October, 2008 Share Posted 8 October, 2008 I currently have a girlfriend, but this should hopefully change in the next few days. Hope her sex change op goes well, and that you both live happily ever after Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mack rill Posted 8 October, 2008 Share Posted 8 October, 2008 stevo;71132]Shall we all throw the keys in? No! my feckin luck is to draw my own keys out.:mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 8 October, 2008 Author Share Posted 8 October, 2008 Mail order brides? Wes Tender's specialist subject - alledgedly;) lol at SB for once... Just knew if I picked up that little tete a tete in the title it may get a bite. bless. 1-0 to Phil :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SNSUN Posted 8 October, 2008 Share Posted 8 October, 2008 I have a missus. Coming up to 3 years together so we're past the girlfriend stage, but if she thinks I'm going to propose to her anytime soon she has another thing coming. (She probably will obtain "another Thing, Coming" if I hold out on her for too long...:-D) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aids victim Posted 9 October, 2008 Share Posted 9 October, 2008 Hope her sex change op goes well, and that you both live happily ever after Thank you, your support at this testing time is much appreciated and we hope everything goes ok. I am now single and a sad no life, thus I will spend all of my time on here and moan about all women, it's going to be the frickin' best, love you guys, you're all my real friends xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crouchie's Lawyer Posted 9 October, 2008 Share Posted 9 October, 2008 Thank you, your support at this testing time is much appreciated and we hope everything goes ok. I am now single and a sad no life, thus I will spend all of my time on here and moan about all women, it's going to be the frickin' best, love you guys, you're all my real friends xx Pay £5 then! You can then properly moan about women, without restriction! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dicko Posted 9 October, 2008 Share Posted 9 October, 2008 I have a pretty good **** buddy at present. She's an ex-work colleague, Northern(supports Barnsley), but will happily wear a Saints shirt in the sack. BJ's are great and she never spills a drop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 9 October, 2008 Author Share Posted 9 October, 2008 I have a pretty good **** buddy at present. She's an ex-work colleague, Northern(supports Barnsley), but will happily wear a Saints shirt in the sack. BJ's are great and she never spills a drop See what you did there = you just further depressed over 70% of the forum members who have gone way past that stage on the list! We were talking about this down the pub Tuesday, an Irish mate has 2 FB's, one at the date stage, and one who thinks she should be a missus. We reckon he's either the luckiest bstd alive or just likely to die early with a knife in his back. He does tend to walk a bit bow-legged at times Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aids victim Posted 9 October, 2008 Share Posted 9 October, 2008 Pay £5 then! You can then properly moan about women, without restriction! I could just use my quota to moan about many things and women is todays moan. I like them, but then they bore me as they try to suffocate you. I don't want to be suffocated, as I am not a grotesque baby with downs syndrome that needs to be ridded of the world, i'm a person now. It's all good though, as I like easy women and I will sex one at the weekend. If I don't sex one then i'll come on here and say that I did anyway. I love making me sound cool on here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crouchie's Lawyer Posted 9 October, 2008 Share Posted 9 October, 2008 I love making me sound cool on here. You are cool Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toomer Posted 9 October, 2008 Share Posted 9 October, 2008 I have a pretty good **** buddy at present. She's an ex-work colleague, Northern(supports Barnsley), but will happily wear a Saints shirt in the sack. BJ's are great and she never spills a drop I had one like that, now when was that (scratches head) O yes back in the mid to late 70s. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thorpe-le-Saint Posted 9 October, 2008 Share Posted 9 October, 2008 Mine is most definately a 'missus' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubai_phil Posted 9 October, 2008 Author Share Posted 9 October, 2008 Just in. Looks like you lot on here are DOOMED. Better cancel the pension plans, don't bother worrying about the team next month you'll all be dead by then if this article is correct! http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/3165565/105-year-old-virgin-says-no-sex-the-key-to-long-life.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julian H. Cope Posted 9 October, 2008 Share Posted 9 October, 2008 Just in. Looks like you lot on here are DOOMED. Better cancel the pension plans, don't bother worrying about the team next month you'll all be dead by then if this article is correct! http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/3165565/105-year-old-virgin-says-no-sex-the-key-to-long-life.html I'd do her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crouchie's Lawyer Posted 10 October, 2008 Share Posted 10 October, 2008 Clara Meadmore, a retired secretary, who still has her own hair, teeth, and sharp wit Thats Stevo's only criteria isnt it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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