notnowcato Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 I'll never understand women. Some of them don't even bother with the golf. I've got up this morning and her indoors has left a note saying she's gone up the shops and I'd better have made the lunch by the time she gets back or else. She says she wants spaghetti bolognaise. Opened up the fridge. Jesus Christ, have you seen what she's left me with? I'm down to the bare bones and no mistake. There's spaghetti, a tub of pasta sauce, some minced beef, fresh herbs, some parmesan cheese, a bottle of Baron Philippe de Rothschild Opus One Napa Valley 1987 red wine and Claudia Roden's 'Simple Mediterranean Cookery' book! Bloody amateur hour, I'm telling you. How the hell am I supposed to make spaghetti bolognaise with that little lot? I thought there'd be some top, top ingredients in there. Whoever's bought that from the supermarket should be ashamed of themself. It's a mish-mash of lopsided ingredients. The whole recipe has been badly constructed. It's scary, I'm telling you. I'm just standing there swearing and muttering to meself when the phone rings. It's Jeff Powell phoning up to say how brilliant I am and that I'm one of the best cooks of my time and that I could have cooked for England. I have to cut him off though because I've got Brian Woolnough on the other line saying I'm one of the kitchen's great characters and it's a bloody miracle how many meals I've made out of literally nothing. They're saying I'm like a ****ney Jesus, the way I've managed to feed the five thousand with the tiny amount I've had to spend in the supermarket and just my wheeler-dealer know-how. I need some better ingredients and fast. When I saw the wife come home from the shops yesterday with some spaghetti, a tub of pasta sauce, some minced beef, fresh herbs, some parmesan cheese, a bottle of Baron Philippe de Rothschild Opus One Napa Valley 1987 red wine and Claudia Roden's 'Simple Mediterranean Cookery' book, I had no idea that's what would be in the fridge when she asked me to make spaghetti bolognaise. It's a hard job I've got on here this lunchtime believe me. If I can even get anything into a pan it'll be a massive achievement and I know Jeff and Woolly would agree with me. Trouble is the wife can't take criticism. Too precious these days, women. That's the trouble. I'm short of people with the right character in this house. When you're as stretched as I am, a lunch is a massive distraction from the really important meal: dinner. I think I'm just going to have to serve up the pot of pasta sauce with some tap water and just hope for the best. If I can pull this mess round it'll be amazing really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Bates Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 Spag bol is lovely, not with Parmesan cheese though, normal cheese grated. Bolognaise & chips/wedges with cheese is much better though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bungle Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 I don't understand this post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 Never put Red wine in the fridge. Never keep cookery books in the fridge. HTH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scummer Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 I don't understand this post. It's an excerpt from Harry Redknapp's diary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thesaint sfc Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 I thought this was going to be a joke I was wrong. I even read it a second time just to make sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatch Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 Let us know how you got on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyFartPants Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 I get it totally. It's a play on words taking a look at women with big tits and asthema. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 Source? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 I thought this was going to be a joke I was wrong. I even read it a second time just to make sure. Did it not pasta test? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 Although, Spag Bol is fingarlicicking good IMO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notnowcato Posted 23 January, 2009 Author Share Posted 23 January, 2009 Let us know how you got on. If it is a culinary masterpiece then obviously it was all my own doing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EastleighSoulBoy Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 Source? Bolognaise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EastleighSoulBoy Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 Although, Spag Bol is fingarlicicking good IMO :smt104 I saw what you did there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 Bolognaise Uncalled for ESB, I only asked! xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 I make the best Bolognese that I have ever tasted, and one (i have a few) of my secrets is to add a good splash of Worcester Sauce about 5 mins before serving. Don't thank me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notnowcato Posted 23 January, 2009 Author Share Posted 23 January, 2009 I make the best Bolognese that I have ever tasted, and one (i have a few) of my secrets is to add a good splash of Worcester Sauce about 5 mins before serving. Don't thank me That's a secret?? Does Arry know??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 That's a secret?? Does Arry know??? Not now obvious;ly, but I think you will find that most people make it from a packet or jar. Dolmio, I **** it. Even lazy people can improve a packet spag bol with a splash of Worcestershire IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colinjb Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 Not now obvious;ly, but I think you will find that most people make it from a packet or jar. Dolmio, I **** it. Even lazy people can improve a packet spag bol with a splash of Worcestershire IMO. I find Paprika helps as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 I find Paprika helps as well. Thanks you col. I thought you would have "been working hard to reach your target, to earn a few bob for a day trip down to Margate". To collect some driftwood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colinjb Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 Thanks you col. I thought you would have "been working hard to reach your target, to earn a few bob for a day trip down to Margate". To collect some driftwood. The midlands may be in dire straights, but we don't need driftwood yet. Next month however..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 Wrong Colin, it was not Dire Straits, it was Chas n dave. But a good guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colinjb Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 Wrong Colin, it was not Dire Straits, it was Chas n dave. But a good guess. Yes yes yes. Now do stop Rabbiting on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 Yes yes yes. Now do stop Rabbiting on. Stop it yourself, I getting (side)board now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colinjb Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 Stop it yourself, I getting (side)board now. Better then going overboard! Bet you would feel a right plank if you did that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bungle Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 It's an excerpt from Harry Redknapp's diary. I am now laughing a lot at this post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 Better then going overboard! Bet you would feel a right plank if you did that. Sorry colin, it was meant as a Chas n Dave Sideboard Song reference. I shouldn't have to explain this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colinjb Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 Sorry colin, it was meant as a Chas n Dave Sideboard Song reference. I shouldn't have to explain this. Yet you did. I just got lucky with the 'Rabbit' reference, beyond that and 'margate' I have litterally no further idea about them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamster Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 Yet you did. I just got lucky with the 'Rabbit' reference, beyond that and 'margate' I have litterally no further idea about them! Gertcha BRB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swannymere Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 I put milk, hot paprika and worcestershire sauce in my spag. bol. and leave it i the slow-cooker for 8 hours;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julian H. Cope Posted 23 January, 2009 Share Posted 23 January, 2009 I put bits of aeroplanes and broken bourbons in mine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deppo Posted 24 January, 2009 Share Posted 24 January, 2009 Mine is filled with secrets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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