Kadeem Hardison

I bought a Stewromsee feeding trough and an Iymnosina toilet.

I had the same problem with my Golf. I changed the Magic Tree air freshener and it seemed to sort the problem out.

I have been suggesting changes for ages. I even wrote to Formula 1. Here are my suggestions: *Drivers should have to pick up magic coins along the way to boost their points. *Drivers have a certain amount to spend on weapons at a weapon shop before each race. Weapons will be things like oil slicks, mines, missiles and perhaps a forcefield for protection. *Formula 1 should adopt the 3 points for a win, 1 point for a draw scoring system to fall in line with other sports. *All podium finishers have an opportunity for a 'conversion' to add further points. This will involve firing a champagne cork at a pit girl's fanny. Or something. I haven't really thought this one through. *The British GP to be held every year at an historical castle in England and will be called the It's A Knockout round. This round, the cars will be made of foam and go around the drivers' waists and they have to run the course blindfolded, going over bouncy castles and slippery hazards. All points will go to charity in this round.

"Is INS actually Crouchie?" Yes. Yes he is.

My local seller says "Bee-zshoo". I say "Yes, it is rather small and well-formed."

All this "laziness" and "lack of England caps" b*llocks is getting on my t*ts. You just had to see the man play to realise he was a genius. For everyone using these excuses, you should be ashamed to call yourself Saints fans. Do your research.

I'm a bit concerned that MLT isn't even going to get in the B team! Ok, maybe his work rate let him down, but he more than made up for it in ability. This is mental.

Brian's mother: What star sign is he? Wise Man 2: Capricorn. Brian's mother: Capricorn eh, what are they like? Wise Man 2: He is the son of God, our Messiah. Wise Man 1: King of the Jews. Brian's mother: And that's Capricorn, is it?

From Vice magazine: Number 35: Bonkers novelty rap collective. Shows staff have sense of humour. Number 34: Reserved for Britpop 'survivors' who’ve made 'their best album in years'. Number 33: Wacky side-project of big-name band singer, which is a wacky electro-pop concept album about magic animals. Number 32: Something from Iceland. Number 31: The name that keeps turning up on every electro/house compilation CD released that year. eg. Simian Mobile Disco in 07. Number 30: Real authentic alt.country dude who made the album in a cave in the Appalachians/once dated Joanna Newsom. Number 29: Return of once-derided old-timer who used to symboise naffness, but has subverted expectations by making an album of honest, brooding ballads with a hip young producer. Number 28: This space is reserved for Bruce Springsteen if he makes an album in the year of the list. If not, The Gaslight Anthem or Hold Steady should sub-in. Number 27: Nick Cave. Number 26: Disappointing third album from previously much-touted act, so bad editorial embarrassment means its been crowbarred in here as a Pravda-style exercise in shrinking them slowly rather than dropping them like a hot brick as would be most appropriate. Number 25: The band that everyone was tipping as the year's biggest act in January. Number 24: You've never even heard of this one. You never will. Even as your read the blurb, you find your mind simultaneously erasing the entry. Number 23: Glitchy & worthy & difficult record you've listened to once. Squarepusher, basically. Number 21: British Sea Power. Number 20: Token world muso. Number 19: The band who've got a reputation for being 'influential', and have a geographically specific 'scene' organised around them that they put on semi-mythical 'parties' for at a semi-mythical 'venue'. eg: No Age & The Smell, Chairlift & Concert Hall Of Williamsburg. Number 18: Band who wrote album of songs inspired by the tragic accidental/drug death of their bass player last year. Somewhere, the blurb says 'courageous'. Number 17: Laura Marling. Number 16: Cheesy pop band masquerading as 'wonky-pop'/'nu-pop'/'underground pop', which only barely disguises the fact that they're Roxette with alt. dress sense. Number 16: Put in a 'stunning' performance on Jools Holland. Number 15: DJ who made “the year's party-starting mash-up compilation” that you've never actually heard at a party that wasn't put on by media-insiders. And never made any of those partygoers do more than pout extra aggressively. Number 14: Elbow. Number 13: Hyper-obscure album everyone was bamboozled into voting for cos Pitchfork gave it a 9.9, despite sounding like every other folk album ever. Number 12: Rapper facing child sex charges. Number 11: Dizzee/Bizzle (pop grime slot shared on a rotational basis) Number 10: Album described as a 'groundbreaking fusion of dance and rock'. Number 9: Tape of Bob Dylan coughing up some phlegm in June 1972, found in someone's attic, dusted off, reissued, and hagiographised in the Sunday papers as a heartbreaking work of staggering genius. Numbers 8 – 2: Records that were OK: no one was mad about them, but no one disliked them much either, so they swum through the middle course, whereas intense records that some people were truly passionate about but others really hated all ultimately failed to make the cut. Number 1: Coldplay (Q), Arctic Monkeys (NME), Sven Vath (Mixmag), Neil Young (U****), Neil Young (Mojo), Neil Young (Classic Rock), Neil Young (Home & Garden), people humming transcendentally over distorted tape loops of concrete being laid (The Wire).

Seen it all before, given time these things will change.

Nil By Mouth.

I am taking an English market to Germany next year. I will be selling traditional fake Stone Island sweatshirts and pirate DVDs. And for a real slice of English culture, I will employ 16-year-old mum's to wander around in pink tracksuits, telling their dirty, screaming offspring to "shut the f*ck up Brooklyn/Britney/Usher/Jordan/Biggins".

Leeches cure anything.

There is only one solution. Sell the baby.

We've only conceded 2 in the last four games before today.

Robsk's pubes.

Does anyone know whether we can email Rupert for requests? It is my mum and dad's anniversary in a couple of weeks and would be nice if I could get Rupert to play Stars by Simply Red for them.

This is pretty scary stuff. If this is true - and I think we can assume it is, given Lowe's previous - then we should really fear for our club. Thanks for sharing this, Robsk. Dark times ahead.

Yes, I'm certain that Lowe chose Lip Up Fatty by Bad Manners and Sex On Fire by Kings of Leon today. Spastic thread.

In that case, The Science Museum.

Lapland New Forest.

Is that why your having trouble with the missus?

Sister Act II: Back in the Habit.

As opposed to 'didn't want to post all as some may be deemed racist.' You haven't changed. Anus.

Speaking of football chants, has anyone got any funny ones?