Long-term claimant Nikki Hollis said: "Don't get me wrong, while raising two kids in a bedsit on eighty quid a week has been a hoot, I finally have to accept that play time is over.
"I just can't decide whether to work for a major clearing bank or a traditional, high street retailer. Talk about your dizzying rainbow of life-changing opportunities."
The entire benefits system is expected to be defunct by early March, making thousands of people unemployed who were formerly employed in preventing bedsit-based malnutrition. However, most of them are expected to quickly find work as racing drivers or astronauts.