Jonnyboy

Saw someone with "Steeeeeve" the other day

Got send this last night: Awake training for parents: Dear Fellow Babies, OK, here's my situation. My Mommy has had me for almost 5 months. The first few months were great - I cried, she picked me up and fed me, anytime, around the clock. Then something happened. Over the last few weeks, she has been trying to STTN (sleep thru the night). At first, I thought it was just a phase, but it is only getting worse. I've talked to other babies, and it seems like its pretty common after Mommies have had us for around 5-6 months. Here's the thing: these Mommies don't really need to sleep. It's just a habit. Many of them have had some 30 years to sleep - they just don't need it anymore. So I am implementing a plan. I call it the Crybaby Shuffle. It goes like this: Night 1 - cry every 3 hours until you get fed. I know, it's hard. It's hard to see your Mommy upset over your crying. Just keep reminding yourself, it's for her own good. Night 2 - cry every 2 hours until you get fed. Night 3 - every hour. Most Mommies will start to respond more quickly after about 3 nights. Some Mommies are more alert, and may resist the change longer. These Mommies may stand in your doorway for hours, shhhh-ing. Don't give in. I cannot stress this enough: CONSISTENCY IS KEY!! If you let her STTN (sleep through the night), just once, she will expect it every night. I know it's hard! But she really does not need the sleep; she is just resisting the change. If you have an especially alert Mommy, you can stop crying for about 10 minutes, just long enough for her to go back to bed and start to fall asleep. Then cry again. It WILL eventually work. My Mommy once stayed awake for 10 hours straight, so I know she can do it. The other night, I cried every hour. You just have to decide to stick to it and just go for it. BE CONSISTENT! I cried for any reason I could come up with: -My sleep sack tickled my foot. -I felt a wrinkle under the sheet. -My mobile made a shadow on the wall. -I burped, and it tasted like rice cereal. I hadn't eaten rice cereal since breakfast, what's up with that? -The dog said "ruff". I should know. My Mommy reminds me of this about 20 times a day. LOL. -Once I cried just because I liked how it sounded when it echoed on the monitor in the other room. -Too hot, too cold, just right - doesn't matter! Keep crying!! -I had drooled so much my sheets were damp and I didn't like it touching me. -I decided I was sick of all the pink in my room so I cried. It took awhile, but it worked. She fed me at 4am. Tomorrow night, my goal is 3:30am. You need to slowly shorten the interval between feedings in order to reset your Mommies' internal clocks. Sometimes my Mommy will call for reinforcements by sending in Daddy. Don't worry Daddies are not set up for not needing sleep the way Mommies are. They can only handle a few pats and shhing before they declare defeat and send in the Mommy. Also, be wary of the sleep sheep with rain noises. I like to give Mommy false hope that listening to the rain puts me to sleep sometimes I pretend to close my eyes and be asleep and then wait until I know Mommy is settling back to sleep to spring a surprise cry attack. If she doesn't get to me fast enough I follow up with my fake cough and gag noise that always has her running to the crib. At some point I am positive she will start to realize that she really doesn't really need sleep. P.S. Don't let those rubber things fool you, no matter how long you suck on them, no milk will come out. Trust me. Sincerely, Baby E

Like some gigantic human centipede.

Poor lad will have to adjust to the food as well.

Hope so or I might call Social services!

Mine works really well with the cbeebies routine of going to bed at 7pm - he knows the "the time has come" song means the time has come (even if its just me singiing it)

"Born ready!"

I like a female with a foreign accent, esp Welsh or French.

Someone on the radio said if every registered business took on one new worker we'd have full employment. Did I hear that wrong?

I don't mind wearing the hangman's hood.

More interestingly, are there any saints females out there who's fella has no interest in saints or football? Ask them the same question.

More interestingly, are there any saints females out there who's fella has no interest in saints or football? Ask them the same question.

What's wrong with you man?!

Coming soon to a palace near you:

Looks like clarkson's found his level.

Off with your head.

Samosa :-)

Who's the depressed femme?

I heard it's when you are in the process of dying, you hear a whooshing of water and all you see is blue?

£60million is not "small change" - it would make a big difference to a lot of vulnerable people.

So CSI are in administration and Pompey are making a loss yet still operating? Hmmmm

Also, I like all the tories saying "it'll create jobs", ah so public spending is ok now ffs OK well how about a national yacht. The royals can have it one week a year. Mps another week. Rest of the time share it round worthy causes. How about taking some kids in wheelchairs round the med. CHarles can pay for his own flight ffs.

The recession has hit Derby Road hard.

Gove, what a slimey pipsqueak. Sycophantically (?) dreaming about a knighthood.