Nellie

All of a sudden our 62/5 from 23 overs is looking positively wonderful.

Sorry, but calling him a mong is unfair. I have met Andy Awford several times, he's a really nice chap. He's very knowledeable about football (as most would expect from an ex-pro), and is accutely aware of the parlous situation Portsmouth are in. However, knowing how blinkered the blue few can be, I think he tells them what they want to hear. How long do you think he'd last if he told them they were godawful week in week out, and still not out of the woods with the prospective owner?

You need to watch it closely for your own benefit, not mine. If you honestly cannot spot the difference between a deliberate stamp, and someone putting their foot down because of a loss of balance (the clue here is the short, stabbing motion of his foot into the player) I pity you. Yes, he was undoubtedly being fouled, several times over. Yes, the referee was undoubtedly delighted to have sent off Rooney. However, he is a hothead who lost his temper and he undoubtedly stamped on Carvalho. Ergo, he undoubtedly deserved to be sent off.

Lost his balance? You are joking, aren't you? If you are not, please feel free to forward to 1 minute 17 seconds of the following clip to be proven incorrect. As for Howard Webb and his team, their competence has grown exponentially in the eyes of the media after England got stiffed. One of the commentators even said the other day that Graham Poll did well in 2006. That's the Graham Poll who yellow carded the same player three times in one game.

Bad luck Dune. This one is a possessive, not a plural. I expect the examiners weren't too stringent in your day either.

The massaging of the figures was started by AA. He managed to increase the debt hugely from the statement of accounts, which thereby sidelined HMRC. They then responded by increasing their debt, to maintain their percentage of the unsecured debt. Seems fairly sensible, unless you are of the opinion that only the administrator is allowed to manipulate the levels of debt.

Really? Maybe it has something to do with seven hundred years of giving them a kicking at every opportunity? The same goes for Wales and Ireland; also oppressed in a similar fashion. Some English people don't really like the French, but the Scots do. Why do you think that is? How the hell would it make any difference to you?

This could be the mother of all **** ups.

Rain stopped play. Bugger.

It was a volley, which should always be a faster shot than a one from the ground, and he did hit it bloody hard. According to his Wikipedia page (try reading the last paragraph without giggling), he has been usurped by Ronny of Sporting Lisbon who hit a 131mph free kick. I know the video quality isn't great, but I can barely see the ball while it's moving.

You should probably go back and read the Wikipedia page for Sarkozy again, as he hasn't been married to her since 1996. He's on wife number three, Carla Bruni, who is really rather nice, and a singer to boot. She certainly doesn't look like a horse.

Actually, I would argue that he is a great man-manager. He's very good at putting his arm around the players and giving them the confidence to perform to a high standard. That's why it grates so much that the **** rocked up at St Mary's and never bothered trying from start to finish. IMO tactically, he's nowhere near Woy's level. That's why Fulham have overperformed massively this season whilst not spending a lot, whereas Spurs have had to spend substantially more.

You are right, they have practiced it too, although it's a slightly different and longer process. The dead are left atop a tower for the birds and elements to dispose of, before the bleached bones are disintegrated with lime. It could take as long as a year to complete. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tower_of_Silence

Another solid performance last night, walloping Coventry 63-29. Watt and Mroczka were outstanding. It was a shame Doyle fell, then blew a motor otherwise the margin would have been greater. The reserves are both far too good to be riding there, and Watt was a steal on a shade under seven point average. This is one of the best Poole teams I can remember, and when Ward finds his feet and Holder and Bjarne both click in the same meeting, then we'll be unbeatable.

Er, no. He can only pocket the next two years payments, as that's all you will get (2x£16M). And that's assuming that those payments haven't been borrowed against/advanced.

Great signing. This is the kind of thing that will have the opening batsmen of the country unable to face him.

I still can't forgive him for that suit/tracksuit combo at the cup final. Truly horrific. Pardew out.

It was a great team performance, but in particular Havelock who came in for Mroczka and scored 7+2 including some great passing. Madsen and Ward looked promising, Watt was solid, and Bjarne showed signs of getting back to his best. Holder looked almost untouchable, despite one loss to Batchelor which he won't have enjoyed. The big test comes on Friday in the reverse fixture against Peterborough, but it looks like it'll be a good season for the Pirates.

Hmm, anything you'd like to share Benjii? Do you have a penchant for photocopiers, and failing to buy football clubs? :-k

http://www.portsmouth.co.uk/sport/Grant-plans-crisis-talks-with.6165485.jp This is a bit like rain on your wedding day, or a free ride when you've already paid (well not really, but you see where I'm going). Avram really is rapidly losing any shred of dignity he had.

The pitch isn't that similar, but Nasser Hussain's decision to field at Brisbane in 2002 was a stinker that takes some beating.

I think it was "I own this club, don't I." It sounded sarcastic, as in it's the owner's fault that all this has happened and I'm not the owner. It's difficult to say though with the c*ckernee, wideboy drawl.

I'm not sure that'll wash with the blazers at the FL next year, because as we all know, they work within the spirit of the game rather than rules. If it enters administration on Friday, that will be PFC's second go at it (in whichever guise).

I'm not sure the locals are quite ready for a monkey-chicken petting zoo?

What would be very funny, would for them to be to be granted permission to sell players with the minus nine penalty only for no-one to bid for any of them.