saint francis

I can hear it now. "Sorry girls, the shop ran out of cucumbers again this morning........"

Running out of tea bags is pretty serious too.

Looking in the fridge for bacon, and there being no bacon there.

And all because of a £5 subscription.

Catch 22 by Joseph Heller. It was recommended to me by someone off the internet. I'm only one chapter in, but I like it already.

If I nag the missus, she'll take me out for walkies.

He should be relieved of his post.

It'll ruin his Crankies tribute act sideline.

A couple of rock classics that I detest: November Rain by Guns n Roses. Layla by Clapton.

Burgerlary

"The sausage was tossed away by the fleeing suspect and eaten by a dog." I love a happy ending.

Me, Jill and her tortoise are getting nuked.

Make funeral arragements. Make a Will. Get your affairs in order.

To be fair Noel had been playing bum notes all night up until that point. Sometimes you need to be told.

Join the Navy, you'll get plenty.

Eugh. You'll be suggesting we drink the milk of animals next, sicko.

I suppose the pea-windmills will have to go.

Handheld fan I thought. How amusing!

It was an "observation" gag Ponty. Clearly wasted. Fail.

If I was to retake it tomorrow I'm pretty sure I'd fail. Probably on observation.

Nice finish. We should sign him.

- When it's your round, coming back from the bar with pints of tap water saying "It's all they had".

Acceptable. People who complain that other people are drinking something different to themselves are usually fascists. Poor pub etiquette includes: - If you are male, following your friends into the loo. Unless they are female of course. - Putting loads of coins onto the pool table and expecting it to be your go time and time again. - Insisting on "winner stays on" even if nobody else in the pub wants to. - Putting Meatloaf on the jukebox, or any other crap that lasts 20 minutes.

Ha, no. That's Chris not me. Chris is my Psychologist.

This photo's a bit unfair to Britney. The raindrops on the windscreen make her skin look mottled. Other than that, it's just a photo of her pulling a stupid face and wearing too much slap. Don't be unfair to poor Britney. She should look where she's driving though or she'll drop marks for observation.