dubai_phil

In the absence of poor old FF who is no doubt a tad busy these days I've had to do some research into an important Historical Issue The problem with some of the digs made by our Uber fans is the fact that they have no idea of the history of The Weather Forecasts and the associated nibbly's and drinky's. They are lucky enough to be at the game live on a matchday while we nasty foreigners are left alone on here with "The Thread." The Uber fans lack the history and the in depth knowledge as to why this IS such a critical and important part in the cog of the machine that is Southampton Football Club. The saga started with "The WOOT". During games when nothing much would happen, a poster would post "The Word". Now, in those long off days, that poster would normally have been a full blown Aryan because they "wuld spk da street" that us Johnny Foreigners simply could not understand. Occassionally Bold or Colours were used and amazingly, when enough Wooted or someone found the magical Nirvana of a FONT SIZE 62 WOOT in Bright Bold Red, we would score. The baton was then taken up by respected poster SNSUN. His device was certainly more extreme and more into the realms of Monty Python, but it was unfailingly successful for many a week. It involved the threat of physical abuse to his Girlfriend's Parrot, (and eventually by default, doing bad things to the GF herself). Sadly it all came to an unhappy end when he somehow mixed up "Giving the GF one and Slapping the Parrot". A tragic error, that ultimately led to Portaloo's downfall. Then we had the "Banning Process". One prominent poster may miss a game and we would win, so they were unwelcome the following week on the match day thread and they had to stay away until results turned. Posters tried to sneak back in, so some posters even made sure that the ISP blocked the access of their banned colleagues by stealing all the local band width to stop their return, but eventually a Mod let us down, he was banned for two weeks, but he came too early and the rest as they say... Continuing to look back into our recent history though, once Wotte came on board things turned bleak for the match day thread. Johnny Foreigners, and even the rare visit by regular Uber fans recovering from injuries. We tried every trick in the book, even the delicious Cup Cakes were tried and, apart from damaging the Pre-Season Training plans of the Highly Tuned SWF St Mary's all stars, in truth they turned out to be a bad signing (although Premier League Quality) and had little impact on Match Days. (In fact, rumnours persist that one forum legend's career-ending knee injury was actually sustained while trying to avoid dropping a tray of freshly baked Cup Cakes, such was the devotion to the cause.) From Cup Cakes it was a logical extension to realise the missing link was in fact "People going downstairs or to the Kitchen to make a drink, cook dinner, answer the phone etc". It wasn't even a January Transfer Window signing when another (non-Aryan) Mod made 3 trips away from the PC for us to score 3 goals. Historically, without a doubt, the second highest scorer in Saints Match Thread History is "Leaving The Computer" especiailly to eat/serve food or open of bottles of Real Ale or Red Wine in places as diverse as the Italian Alps, Bristol and Ohio. In fact Saints even once scored while a "Nice Single Malt" was being poured in Lincolnshire. But of course, the main weapon last season in bringing unexpected goals under the Portaloo saga became "The Weather Forecasts". The amount of times the global forecast was rolled up on the Match Day thread and co-incided with a rare Saints Goal caused the Weather Report to earn it's place as a Legend in Saints Match Day history. This season, our improved results year on year is, without a doubt, (and, co-incidentally, in the minds of many posters on here) absolutely NOTHING to do with AP. Our improved form this season has been down to getting "The Weather Forecast in First". In the modern game, you simply HAVE to make those early challenges. BUT, it is noticable looking back that complacency set in, not only did we miss getting those early forecasts in during the last couple of matches we EVEN missed getting The Match Thread running on time. That is simply NOT good enough. This is a very competitive League and we simply could not afford to turn up to games we expected to win 1-3 and not put the effort in. Appalling performance, and, in fairness, the Uber fans have a lot of justification in calling for Ex pats Out. (Although TBF we have yet to see a viable alternative really mentioned for the role) Uber fans moan about AP's tactics and formations on Muddy Pitches, but ARE THEY TO BLAME? Is it because they simply sit at SMS or listen to Solent on FM all match instead of helping THEIR supposedly beloved team. Where ARE the regular updates on the Tide Times? the phase of the Moon or the angle of The ISS in the sky? Nothing, not even a MENTION of the wind direction from Uber fans with Blackberries or I-Phones at the games. If they're at home FM'ing it and got up off their arses for the team and served their Stir Fry or popped a cork we would ALREADY be in a play-off spot. So, unfortunately, as the Uber fans have made their case clearly, they don't put the effort in and clearly don't want us to score goals and don't want us to win. So what to do? Simples - they can sod off and have a frivolous free match day thread. The "Serious Thread" for Serious People who live their Serious Lives in a Serious manner. The rest of us HAVE to make that ONE LAST PUSH, that 110% EFFORT. We simply cannot take ANYTHINg for granted anymore. The Cup Cakes must make a return, hell, we should even ensure that we have updates on The Casserole in The Oven and Vaccinations for Thailand, even YES! a who's got the best Hotel Deal for Wembley. Bring it all ON! So, in closing, I should take a moment to say that yes, it is a fair comment that the frivolous issue has leaked out into the mainstream, so I for one commit to making sure I will work religously to make sure it stays on the match thread where it does the successful and historical work our team needs and I call on all expats to join me in these endeavours. Unless we need to annoy someone of course And no, you're not getting a weather forecast, it isn't matchday

Oath

Not sure how the law stands these days (being a Johnny Foreigner and all that) but if I recall there is some sort of precedent that says "I was only doing my job Guv" isn't actually a defence in major criminal legal cases? Now if I could only remember when that one was first trotted out?

[ Just one last bit for Bangkok, putting my tour organiser hat on I do the same trip every time I go and everyone loves it even when they have done it 2 or 3 times before as well. Take the Sky Train to Saphan Thaksin (Silom Line) Walk to the Pier and HAGGLE to rent your own Long Tail Boat. You should start by offereing them 30% of what they quote you first for One hour Canal (Klong) Trip May cost around 20 to 30 quid but make sure LONG TAIL, not slow boat. Tell them Floating Market, Feed Fish, Snake Farm, Wat Arun, and finish at Grand Palace. Takes about 1 hour without snakes and 1.5 with. Floating Market is a tiny canoe full of overpriced krap, but you buy a couple of beers each (and one for driver). The ride is a whole side of BKK and the world that tourists don't often see. You stop at a Wat and pay 15 baht for a couple of loaves of bread and feed the fish. You will never see anything like it these monsters you could walk across the backs of. Snake Farm (hate snakes never been kids enjoyed don't get too close to jumping Cobras though) Wat Arun very decorative & Peaceful climbing up is easy but coming down .... (there is a landing fee there and Grand Palace of aro 20 baht) Stop and get off at Grand Palace jetty walk through the street vendors and go see Emerald Buddha & The Palace. (Closes early around 3pm and don't wear shorts above the knee or sleeveless T-Shirts) Then Tuk Tuk back to hotel or down to Chinatown Sampeng Lane is a crazy hot overcrowded mess but fun. Now THE single MOST important point in Bangkok. Do NOT put your wallet in your Cargo Pants pocket UNLESS it has a ZIP, a street kid can undo the buttons and be out with it in a half a second and you'll never see them. Always leave your main wallet in the hotel safe and take ID (Driving Licence) and ONE credit card or ATM when you go out. Awesome day out Lonely Planet helps. And when buying T Shirts from street vendors just because it say 100% Cotton it won't be - check it carefully yourself you can get fecking sweaty in polyester there! (Dry Fit golf shirts are brilliant) njoy

It is always bitterly sad when people lose their jobs and have their entire lives threatened or even ruined because of the actions of Incompetent Management in any walk of business life. My sympathies to the 85

Not a track for you petrolheads to ever aspire to visit to watch a GP, but good layout and best viewed on TV. About as much atmosphere as a Skates Reserve match. Wish we could get excited like you guys but the TV rights belong to some bloke in Bahrain who sometimes remembers to put it ontyo Pay TV and sometimes puts it onto Free to Air. But always with Arabic commentary. And no. trying to watch footie on line down here is b a d en o u g h but F1 with the stuttering. Grumble grumble but will enjoy reading about it.

I really worry about this year, so much has changed, The Mars Bar incident, the Showers and now talking about your guys getting their tackle in early. Glad I'm busy and don't have time to work out this confusing new tactic

Which is why nothing will happen until AFTER the court case and why the PL has stayed silent so far

They'll bounce back. They've got an easy game coming up next. Who is it? Oh yes, Liverpool Away

What DID happen to that bottle of Jaegermeister last year?

DM, I think it is pretty clear that PL rules will not allow the PL to "Advance Parachute Payments". Personally if I could I'd have a bet on it. What the PL CAN do is to assign the PL Parachute money to a 3rd party, who has previously been approved by the PL as a financial services provider. That money can then be "Loaned" to the "club" with a whole raft of strings attached. This will avoid the "special treatment" cries and as the process is basically approved anyway can be shown to be nothing new. Of course those strings will be pretty strong, starting with (IMHO) "You will STFU about appealing the 9 points dedution" and continuing with "to be used to pay creditors including HMRC to avoid WUO and save them for the rest of the season Of course it will not be enough to let HMRC approve a CVA which rolls their troubles over into next season when they can feel the full weight of the FL. They survive but get an extra year of problems for their new owners TSW.

CL have taken customers, employees family and even me Mum there. Unless you are going off the beaten track anti-malaria meds will make you feel awful. You could be unlucky but in the main resorts you are as likely to get Dengue Fever from a bite as Malaria. Do take a decent DEET based insect repellant though. We've gone on average twice a year for the past 8 years in different formats, the two really big problems we have had have been The Sh1ts and A/C Flu. For the first Immodium is no good Ecrefuryl can be bought there or Motillium from your quack in UK. Pocari Sweat & Gatorade available everywhere for fluids. For A/C Flu Clarinase or at a puch Claritine or any similar medication which you can buy over there. Basic jabs you would have for the UK are fine just make sure you are up to date. IF you insist on eating from trolleys at the side of the road then you run the higher risk of Parasites & Hep C. The other critical rule (even when with family) is no kissing. The Ladyboys see a guy and his wife and think it funny to come up and do a Wayne pic or snog/grope you. Keep away from Body Fluids in any environment. Just be sensible - It isn't blighty but it is brilliant for holidays And for your posh dinner in Bangkok or at a push in Pattaya visit Cabbages & Condoms. None better and all for charity

Oh that's easy to arrange

Just such a lack of attention to detail again, same mistakes as last year. We don't EAT sand we snort it. Day in day out, if we don't get our daily fix off the empty construction sights we start having to post on football forums and spoiling people's day. You see again, it's that narrow minded Little Englander attitude, you get sandstorms all the time, you juse your minds to them even when Ian Mcasskick always went on about dirty cars in Croydon or somewhere, you just thought it was another foggy day - you don't know what you're missing. I'll get Jay to bring some high quality Ras Al Khaimah sand down so I can let you try some before the game. May chill you out and stop you micro managing your boys every move.

For those of you putting together your own professional Mergers & Acquisitions operations, may I suggest some good background reading material. It takes some googling but should give you all the buzz words and Press statements you need to avoid. Just Google Bournemouth Echo Marc Jackson Takeover It's so easy, anyone can do it

You Barsteward, I went downstairs to cook dinner, came back up here and my fecking hotmail account has 8,972 new emails. Luckily most of them seemed to have Sheikh something in the address, but one caught my eye from some guy called Mugabe with an address in Africa. Have promised him the full and committed support of our team of experienced professionals. Oh and I quoted him a 2% engagement fee. I reckoned 30mil x 2% divided equally amongst the posters on here is not going to be far off 5 quid each for next year's subs.

Hmmm Time for a Mysterious Middle East Consortium maybe? :smt074 If only I didn't have some work to do the next couple of days, hope the deal's still on offer on Monday

Boo what not one to me? Or is it the same as last year Cue frantic search through a year's worth of emails :-)

And run to the Concourse Bar to get top ups? You've Hired!

Last of The Summer Wine alert You're clearly an ex pat as well Burn The Witch Burn The Witch

The minutes of that meeting proves once and for all that they are the Bestest fans in the world. I mean they are so well organised there is a supporters group and representative for each and every one of them. :-)

Can somebody please remind me. I thought that PCFC provided a Statement of Affairs as evidence to the High Court? I think I recall that statement being used as evidence in their recent court hearing. I think I recall the figure mentioned was in the region of 80 million. I know I'm supposed to have been in the sun too long but how exactly could they have lost 50ish mil? 15 for HMRC and ??? Wow, this admin game is cool, they should let Dubai World play it, they could lose billions of their debt this way! And as others have said, "Confident of having the paperwork?" One would imagine that a professionally managed business might actually keep important documents in a safe place

Think the fundamental difference now is the team and the type of players we have signed. When we go up to the CCC in a year's time, we will have the nucleus of a good side and one that has players that we can associate with. Having the core of this team in the CCC versus having a bunch of over paid old relics? It has taken a long time this season, but slowly we have stopped having digs at the players and started to understand their limitations and roles in the side. When was the last time we had multiple threads about the "quality" of our players/new signings? RL, Fonte, Puncheon, heck even Semi is starting to get some grudging respect. Compare that to the days of Jermaine Wright, Jason Euell, Ricardo Fuller, McGoaldrought et al, there is a fundamental difference. Clearly the team this year hasn't managed to pull off the dream of straight up, and clearly we have had some awful away days and results (I include Brizzle at home in that), but I think that slowly we are starting to feel some pride in our team instead of "fearing for the worst". IMHO that's why it is more fun this season, it's going to be frustrating next season when we all speculate about how good we would have been in the CCC while losing in the Mud at Wycombe in midweek. This year has been a healing process. We re-discovered that watching (listening to) football can be fun. But it is time to move on up

The comment Should be handed out to every member of the few, along with copies of every "Churchillian Speech" from Storrie since Gaydamark decided to pull out as evidence of the delusion that he ignored HMRC and then sat through the January transfer window with. He could have saved the club in January, they would have likely been relegated, but they would have survived. Instead he gambled it all. Reality, as Ashley has found out, is a real *****.

The Promised Land Wigan V Liverpool Attendance 17,427 Enough said really. Something is VERY wrong