Crouchie's Lawyer

Forgot to add you mum to the list too! A.F.B.B.Y.M.J Association For Bringing Back Your Mum Jokes

Thats quality, but as you say St Landrew, if I were a kid and saw something like that I would pap myself and run! That or run up to it and give it a big kick! It has to be someone dressed up trying to scare kids. I think this ploy would work over here, getting little sheets of the streets by scaring the carp out of them!

God knows. I dont think I could be tied to just picking two! Keeley Hazel Lucy Pinder Kelly Brook Brittney Spears Angelina Jolie Hilary Duff Cheryl Cole Scarlett Johanssen Hayden Panettiere Elisha Cuthbert Jessica Alba Megan Fox Billie Piper Kristen Bell Liv Tyler Gemma Atkinson Ali Larter I would like all of the above, but if I had to be pushed for two, I would happily accept any random two!

Thats Will Ferrell I think? I have a similar build to him, im funnier and better in bed. I dont look like him hair/face wise.

Johnny, can you not say that it was vouchers worth £100 in that letter you sent? Surely if they have no signature to say its received then its their fault and they should compensate you? Obviously there is a limit on the compo, I think its about £250??? And BTF, whose to say you actually received the phone??? If you call phone provider and say you havent got it, they will refer to RM who will find out it wasnt signed for and hey presto, RM will compensate the phone provider who will in turn send another phone

Yes: 1) As a wee bairn my father used to throw me up in the air and catch me again. I used to love it, the feeling of adrenalin as I was hurteling back down to earth must have been immense as a 1 year old. Anyway, he was throwing me up in the air one early summers evening when my Mum called out to say it was dinner time. My Dad said "one more go and we will be in" so he threw me up in the air and waited to catch me. After a few seconds (the amount of time it would take for a baby to return to earth from a throw in the air) he realised I was not back in his arms so looked up to see me hanging from the washing line from my two front teeth. I had to go to the hospital where my teeth were hanging on, litterally by a thread of skin. The Dr just pushed my teeth back into position and said it should be fine. My teeth probably would have been fine had it not been for 2) As a youthful chappy, my parents decided I should learn to defend myself, incase a nasty stanger offered me sweets and tried to bum me down an alleyway so enrolled me into a Judo class. I had been Judo'ing for a few years and was quite a kick ass student, beating all my opponents in tourno's I entered (even kicked a girls ass and made her cry - go me!) Anyway, one day at practise I was partnered with someone of similar ability (he wasnt as good as me) and we were given instructions on a move to practise. As this Judo class had become increasingly popular over the last few weeks, a lot of the stuff we were being shown was repeatative and basic level which did not interest us hardcore Judo fighters. So we decided to keep us interested by playing a game of chicken. This involved person (a) sitting above person (b) who was lying flat on the mat and person (a) would throw all their weight, elbow's first, toward person (b)'s face. The idea was that if person (b) flinched in anyway before the elbows were parted each side of their face, person (a) would win. I was person (b). Person (a) forgot to seperate their elbows just before contact with my face and proceeded to smash my two front teeth straight out. There was blood all over the white judo mat and I consequently lost my baby teeth. When my big boys teeth came through, the front two were at such an angle, they were nearly sideways. After all these years, they are still not straight (who wants to wear a brace?!) but are a lot better and not noticable. 3) My third and final chapter in this epic novel is a tale similar to SNSUN's about impressing the female species. I tried to impress two girls who were parked in a car waiting for their mum outside my house when I was a little laddy. I was on my Mongoose bike and sped up the road, thinking what would be mightily impressive would be to do a nice 90 degree skid right infront of their car on my drive (chicks dig that sh*t). So I zoomed up the road and began my return journey, building up one hell of a speed. I got to the skid zone and slammed what I thought was the rear brake on. My Mongoose had reversed brakes (so the back was the front and vice versa) and I had forgot this having been recently riding my other bike. I hit the front brake, flipped over the front handlebars and landed right on my back. Thought it wasnt all that bad and that all that had been hurt was my pride until I opened my eyes to see my bike following me down to earth. It smacked me in the face and I proceeded to run in crying like a girl to my mummy infront of teh girls I was trying to impress! 4) I drink ale when I go out. The end

Long blone hair with a few grey ones brown eyes, dark clothes

i lol'd, I was thinking the same

4/10 mainly guesses

Sorry I meant in terms of pets. People always go on about not liking cats as they have no point. Well unless you keep one of the said dogs above as a pet, then the dog you keep has about as much point to it as a cat does. Not that I dont like dogs, as I like dogs too, however, people who dont like cats, dont like them mainly due to either being scratched as a kiddy by a cat (and that is probaly due to them annoying the sh*t out of the cat and it was deserved) or they have never had one and are niave.

I thought it maybe but I didnt wanna chance it. The point really was that its in my garage full of flamible stuff so didnt wanna start throwing fire around

That list made me lol. However, cats only tend to turn on people if they are wound up. Most cats are docile and will only 'turn' if provoked, or if the cats havent had a lot of human attention. The same can be said with dogs. Cats and dogs are very similar in this sense, if you show enough affection to either, they both reward it with love and loyalty. There is no 'point' of cats, as there is no 'point' of dogs or in fact humans. However cats are exactly the same as dogs (when kept as pets) in the sense that they provide companionship. A lot of people dont like cats because they dont either understand them or they fear them. A lot of people have the opinion that they are evil things which scratch all the time. This is not the case at all.

Wow, he is a right go'er!

Being tired. Tasty food like Chinese being bad for you

Funnily enough thats what someone here said. Only problem is that its in my garage which is a little old and has an asbestos roof! I might breed them and sell them as pets

Serious as cancer. Im not a fan, but its growing on me. How did you know I was somalian?

No, free = you wont get caught. Nothing to do with money

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/7573530.stm I have one of these 'false widow spiders' in my garage! Have always said it looks like a black widow too! F*cking scary looking things!

Cabbage is good at baiting as he is a maggot, s'ok, some of the stuff he comes out with is readable and even funny! I realise this is TMS too, so take what people say with a pinch of salt. You really should shine up shoon AV!

Dont agree, I like dogs too. However, I know you do not.

They wouldnt need a gun as a precaution if someone tried harming my cats. It would be a necessity. If anyone harmed my cats, then if they wanted to continue to live any form of life they would have to kill me before I did them. I hate animal cruelty with a passion.

Sure thing, what would you like to know? For? Have you never heard of indoor cats?

Funny game

Nowt wrong with the smell of my house. The litter tray is in our back porch/lobby and their mess is normally cleared up straight after they create it, with a nice burst of air freshner after just to make sure.