Dark Munster

... or received a nicely padded brown envelope or two?

I'm not sure how common a name "Ali Al Faraj" is in the Middle East, but if it's not that common you would've thought they'd have chosen the Arabic equivalent of "John Smith". "Mohammad Haddad" maybe?

Yes, but he could be lying. Shocking as it may sound, one or two characters from Cheats FC have been rumoured to have done so. He wouldn't be funding Lawrence and co.'s wages if he weren't going for the big prize. The remaining parachute payments (along with stripping everything bare) is the consolation prize if the gamble fails, and even in that scenario I reckon he'll come out ahead.

But apart from that, everything is fine and dandy in Cheatsville.

Still bitter after the JPT final, I see.

Nice report. Ta. And don't worry, we've got plenty of Gavin Wards in our shit division.

This.

If they don't go up, he'll probably flog as much of the squad as he can, and then take them into administration. Again. 50 points penalty from the FL for the umpteenth administration? Demotion to the Blue Square (or lower)? Who cares? Well, the blue phew will care, but not BC. I'm sure he has his loans secured against the remaining parachute payments, as well as any other tangible assets. Of course, if the gamble pays off and they go up, he's laughing all the way to the bank.

Beautiful. Talk about poetic justice!

Which further proves that they are cheating, lying bastards.

If only that rosy-cheeked bastard had put us into administration a few days earlier.

In fairness, if they were to charge 50p per flush, according to rallboy's estimates they would only need about 1.5 billion dumps to break even.

Very true. I'm going to stick my neck out here, and probably get a lot of abuse for saying it, but I reckon he'll be back in the treatment room soon.

Apart from Marians, you mean.

"Former gaffer Smith reckons Pompey's failure to build a new ground is the REAL reason for their dodgy finances." So it has nothing to do with Storrie-Teller, The Ice Cream Dr., Al Mirage, Son of Gun Runner, Saggy Chops, BC and his sidekick the Android, and scores of footballers being paid wages that Cheats FC couldn't afford even if at half the amount? Instead, the only reason for their dodgy finances is not building this?

Yes we did. But after the FA's "head of football integrity" was hired as the new chief executive of Cheats FC (while in administration), nothing surprises us anymore. Plenty of those have been offered by Cheats FC to key personnel in the FA, PL and FL, I'd wager.

Yes, but what if our strong players pick up injuries or suspensions? I agree Saints shouldn't send out a reserve team, but a few players rested wouldn't hurt. One thing seems unanimous though: Bart must play.

In God's name, why? Cheats FC currently have a stronger team, thanks to paying wages for players they can't afford. Wait until they implode next year, then we can give them a jolly good rogering.

Isn't that what the Mayans predicted?

Trust me, they tried.

And you've contributed to both. Ta!

The good news is that there will probably be quite a large fee for Pulis. The bad news is that Saints will have to pay it to Stockport.

Well, we're agreed they are screwed if the don't go up this season. And if they do manage to go up, they're probably screwed.

If I remember correctly, instead of 20p in the pound over 5 years, the unsecured creditors will get back a whopping 25p in the pound over 5 years if Cheats go up. Assuming of course that BC doesn't rack up huge debts in going up, trouser the PL proceeds, and leave the rotten corpse to implode.