Deppo

Remember, things could be worse. You could be Dune.

It sounds to me like you're spending too much time posting on this board. You need to get out there and experience other things. Have you tried posting on The Arts or the Motoring Forum?

I have my anus bleached twice a month.

I was in town a few weeks ago and a current Saints player put a bottle in my face. It was uncomfortable, but we both saw the funny side, LOL!

I remember when I worked for Burger King, and we were closing up one night. It was 2 minutes before closing time and we'd just cooked a three Whoppers and had some fries and 4 boxes of Diddy Donuts left, when a fella walked in on his own. I saw him walking from the front door to the till, when I noticed another guy coming in on his own from the door at the back. The guy coming from the back had a gammy eye. The guy coming from the front was none other than Matthew Le Tissier. They both reached the counter at the same time and, as if in stereo, both said, "What have you got left? I'll take it all." I looked at them. They looked at each other. Then, again in stereo, the both said, "I was here first." I didn't know what to do. I thought for a bit and then said to the gammy-eyed tubby fella, "Do you know who this is? It's Matt Le Tissier." The gammy-eyed fella said, "Yes, I know. He is my absolute hero. I'd do anything for him. Except give up my food. I want it all. Everything you have. I was here first. I served for my country, you know. And I have a Nissan Frontera. And a speedboat." Matt replied, "I served for my country too. On the pitch. And I have two Nissan Fronteras. And a yacht. And a Super Nintendo." I didn't know what to do. I was stuck. Then, I remembered a story from the bible. The one about Moses and King Solomon. "Okay, gentlemen," I said, "here's what I'm prepared to do. You were both here at the same time, so I'll chop each of the pieces of food in half. All of the chips, all of the Whoppers... all of the Diddy Donuts." "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed the gammy-eyed fella. "You can't do that to the food! The beautiful food! Half of it will never fill me up! F*ck it, let Matt have it. I was only stopping off for a snack on my way to Spud-u-Like anyway." "Nom nom nom," said Matt, tucking into his food five minutes later, "nom nom nom."

To be fair to Turkish, he's making a very good point.

You sound more like Delboy every day.

Was it James Beatiie?

He looks just like you.

"Deppo is an unfunny f*ckwit." Winston Churchill, 1948.

If you are a gentleman during the meal, I might invite you back to mine afterwards.

The club aren't responsible. They provided the service that you paid for.

It's ok dune, I've handled this one.

"Fox hunting is the most humane way of controlling foxes." Margaret Thatcher, 2008.

Typical fickle Saints fans. You spend half the season saying which should sign someone, then when the transfer window actually opens, everyone is urging us to sign No-one.

I was in a restuarant in Southampton back in 1995, having a lovely meal with my family as part of my brothers birthday celebrations. Anyway, I went to the toilet and becaise I find it difficult having a wee in front of other men, I went to go into a cubicle. I opened the door nearest to me and was taken aback to see the cubicle was already occupied by someone having a rather smelly poo! Who was the person? None other than Simon Charlton! I wasn't sure whether to ask for his autograph or just shut the door and apologise. In the end he said "Do you want to wipe my arse or something?" and pulled the door shut

I haven't seen this Sproule, but if it's between him and No-one, we should go for Sproule.

I have been proven wrong! well done delldays!

This is priceless! Brilliant story Kaiser! I bet no-one can top this one.

Surely the bit about going to see Coldplay is the "uncomfortable" element of the story?

Too late. I'm off to find Guly's hotel.

What a waste of a flaming torch. What am I supposed to do with this now? Eh?

Your amygdala is looking fat, doddisalegend.

The Tommy Widdrington rumours were always pretty exciting. Shame it never happened.