Bearsy

You don't often see high level main boarders like hypo slumming it down here ain't it? I guess it's true bout sex sells! MLG is still number one on my most wanted tho! Someone needs to start a sexy thread involving stadiums, complete with incorrect factual statements.

yeah homes stick em up here so we can all lol! Here's one of mine i just wrote: I need a poo, said baby bear. You can't poo here, said mummy bear, this is a shop. You'll have to hold it in. I need a poo, said baby bear. You can't poo here, said daddy bear, this is my car. You'll have to hold it in. I need a poo, said baby bear. You can't poo here, said sister bear. Not on my face. You'll have to hold it in. Baby bear held it in and held it in. BUUUUURP! said baby bear. The poo come out his mouth.

You can think that tokyos, if it helps you get off!

Dude I'd like to see you read 50 shades and maintain respect for womens!

50 Shades of Grey: Chapter 8 "I'm going to make love to you now." Oh thank fvvck! I feel a bit cheated tho, dude has been saying all along that he don't ever make love he only fvvcks. Hard. But I'll take pretty much anything at this point. I know it's gonna be good cos EL James has broke out the dictionary. I've just learned that Anastasia Steele is somnambulant, whatever the fvvck that means. First thing he does is pull on her hair. I'm on board with this, I'm a notorious hair-puller. Then he bites her lip. Then he takes off her shirt. Then he grabs her ass and rubs his boner up against her. Then he's licking on her belly button. Then he takes down her pants. The he smells on her vag. "You smell nice," he says. Liar! Then he pushes her back on the bed and takes off b!tches shoes and socks. This kills the mood a bit, but whatever. Then he's licking on her feet. Then he's like "Show me how you pleasure yourself?" B!tch is dumb. She's like "What do you mean?" I'm half expecting her to head for the kitchen make a sandwich, but then she cottons on and is like "Oh no I've never done that." I dunno bout this. B!tches is always saying they never masturbate, but I've always thought they was having me over. On the other hand I've got this sex buddy tho and we're really open with each other bout stuff and she said she don't ever do it, and I kind of believe her. She's like, why would I? If I want sex there's a dozen dudes I could call. And she's right. I'm one of them! The virgin ain't got any such excuse, but i spose given all the other things she ain't ever done it ain't that much of a surprise. Dude grabs her ankles and forces her legs apart and then he's licking her out. Then he stops on that and just starts thumbing on her nipple with one hand. "Let's see if we can make you come just like this" he says, rather ambitiously IMO. Good luck with that homes, I'm thinking. But she does, almost immediately. Then he's fingering her up and finding her nice and wet. Then he's getting his knob out. B!tch is telling me he's got a big one but i ain't sure I'm accepting her testimony. How would she know? Fvvcking virgin. He might be hung like a hamster for all she knows. He puts a condom on it. Clearly he ain't quite into her I'm A Virgin story. Still, I wouldn't of been sheathing it. Everyone knows I've got a "latex allergy". You can ask anyone. I was interested to learn bout his technique for breaking in a virgin. Would he go for the gentle ease up against the hymen? Would he fvvck! Boom! he goes as he slams into her vag "ripping through my virginity". "You're so tight baby". I use that line myself! B!tches like to hear that, also when they tell it to their mates, their mates are thinking unlikely cos they know b!tch is slack so they is just assuming i have big penis. He's pounding away like a good 'un now. Don't blame him. This is my favourite bit too! I'm then turning the page and immediately having to abandon this investigations. Something extremely dramatic has happened! On the second page, bout halfway down, there is a distinct and interesting stain! Dudes what have been with me with the start may recall I confiscated this particular volume from a girl's bedroom. I am immediately picturing the scene! I can see hannah, relaxing back on her bed, casually perusing the book with one hand, casually perusing her vag with the other. Then she is finding it time to turn the page and this being a two hand operation she is extracting her fingers from her vag and she is applying them to the text, inadvertantly submitting a thump-print of delicious vag juice into evidence! Either that or she is spilling her lemonade. I'm submitting this stain to further investigation. I've got my eye bout a half inch from it, but I ain't detecting an awful lot. Why ain't I got a magnifying glass or electron microscope or something? I'm sniffing on it. Not detecting anything much, I'm ashamed to say I'm giving it the lick. Interesting. Vaguely fruity. Maybe a little bit meaty. I'm calling it vag juice! I prefer to think of it as vag juice! So.... when dude shoots his load he's shouting out her name. I mean ok if you like it. I prefer to be like "Boom! Fire in the hole!" We're finding now that he "empties himself inside me". I'm wondering bout this, given the condom. I guess after he shoots he takes it off and pours it down her vag. It's a classy move, I might try it myself! B!tch is in some pain at this point. Dude don't care. He's like "turn on your front". He lies on top of her. He's then pulling on her hair and sticking her from behind. I don't think it's bumhole, I think we're still in the vag. He's reaching around and fingering her cl!t then he's making b!tch taste it. "I want you sore baby, every time you move tomorrow you think of me." Job done. Dude finds he's got blood all over his sheets. I fvvcking warned you homes! She's all like romantic and is trying to pet on him or whatever. He tells her to fvvck off cos he wants to have a sleep. Lol. That was pretty sweet! I'm off to call hannah.

I'd like to undousuru my knob in her boobies or whatever! When you is next doing words can you do ones i can easily use to hit on Japanese chicks? I'll be needing words like: This Suck Or Throat Slit I'll Your Just random words like that please homes.

That's the biggest pair I've seen in ages! Seriously, what's up with her eyes? B!tch looks like a mentalist!

Sweet thread bro! Hot girls and lols is both my favourites! [video=youtube_share;76qFtrk7_xQ]http://youtu.be/76qFtrk7_xQ

I ain't even gonna check that link out! It'll put me off my stroke if I'm knowing the bird whispering sexual delights in my earhole is a fat munter. I choose to believe EL James is HOT!

Cortese dreams like gullivers, he dreams of the land of lilliput where he don't need platform shoes. Every waking morning is a crushing disappointment. He takes his frustration out on programme sellers and training ground subcontractors.

Yeah well i spose when you've seen one sex dungeon you've seen them all. I'll keep an eye out tho, if she's noticing "DP was ere" carved in one of the curtain poles I'll let you know!

Cheers bro, I feel like I'm taking one for the team here! The last 3 chapters have been boring as fvvck. Just the virgin and the dude sitting round chatting mostly, and I'm at a stage now where i ain't evn hardly reading them bits, soon as b!tch opens her mouth I skip on to the next paragraph. I'm hoping things pick up a bit when she is getting railed! It can't be long now!

Alright I've had a little sleep, cleared the ole head, I'm gonna plough on! 50 Shades of Grey: Chapter 7 Christian Grey invites the virgin to see his "playroom". "You want to play X-Box?" she says and I'm just congratulating her on her first funny till it turns out b!tch is serious. We had a playroom when i was a kid, it was mostly toys and crayons but i'm picturing something a bit different. I'd be right! Here is the stuff in Christian Grey's "playroom" 1 x Man sized wooden crucifix with manacles 1 x 8 foot square suspended iron grid with assorted ropes, chains and shackles 2 x Curtain poles Lots x paddles, whips, riding crops 1 x flogger (this we learn is like a cat o nine tails) 1 x chest of drawers 1 x leather bench 12 x wooden canes (various sizes) 1 x table 2 x stools 1 x bed (no duvet) 1 x Sofa curiously positioned in the middle of the room facing the bed Here is where I'm learning my first important lesson! Dude has been quite clever bout this. If I just met a girl and took her into my sex dungeon most likely she'd be freaking out. What Grey has done is bore her into a stupor with boring conversations. Then he has fixed it so she's get desperate to be boned by not boning her when she wanted to be boned. Then he is making her think of legal obligations cos she's signed his contract. It wouldn't surprise me if he paid Jose to feel her up just so she felt obligated by him "saving her". Also, the cyclist. Also, b!tch is thinking it's a long walk back to Vancouver/Washington if she backs out now. "In simple terms I want you to please me. I have rules and I want you to comply with them. They are for my pleasure. If you follow these rules to my satisfaction I shall reward you. If you don't I will punish you," he says, ominously fingering a curtain pole. I like this arrangement! I can't see a problem with it at all. I mean, I ain't sure I could be coming out with these statements personally, I can't really picture any b!tch of my aquaintance not lolling at such a stupid sentences, but then I ain't been following the Christian Grey Method to the letter. Dude's a hero! She's like "And what do I get out of it?". Me, he says, in all seriousness. Imagine saying that to your wife or whatever! Lols. But we've already found out this b!tch has no sense of humour. He is now saying that after he's bum-fvvcked her with a curtain pole, b!tch is gonna have to go sleep somewhere else cos he likes his own space or whatever. I say it again, dude's a hero! Ok, so it turns out that sex-contract she signed before was a not-telling anyone agreement. She's now having to sign another contract. To my relief, b!tch is gonna read it this time: Obedience - she has to do what he says Sleep - she has to sleep 7 hours before getting boned Food - he's gonna put her on a special diet, and b!tch ain't allowed to snack between meals. It makes me lol he had to put that in there. B!tch is obviously a porker after all! Clothes - B!tch has got to wear what she's told. Excercise - B!tch has got to get her lard arse down the gym. Personal Hygiene - B!tch has got to shave her pits and wash her vag out every once in a while. Personal Safety - B!tch has got quit falling in front of dangerous cyclists/getting finger-banned by photographers Personal Qualities - B!tch ain't allowed to fvvck no-one else She agrees to all this no problem. It pleases me that this is what b!tches want! Whenever I've been going round suggesting that b!tches ought to get down the gym or lay of the cakes the reactions ain't been quite so favourable. I ain't on board with the bit where I'm having to choose her outfits tho, that sounds like a lot of work! He's then asking what are her limits, how is she feeling bout him sh!tting on her or having his dogs lick her out or whatever, and she's like hmm i ain't really sure, i ain't never had sex before. This surprises him. Dude ain't so clever after all, I've been knowing she's a virgin since like Chapter 4! And she still is, cos the chapter ends here. FFS.

50 Shades of Grey: Chapter 6 I quite like foreplay. It's pretty sweet! I like how you is feeling her up and she is feeling you up and then you're messing with her junk then she's messing with your junk and then it's getting a bit samey so I start getting rough then she gets a bit freaked so I tone it down a bit then she gets a bit romantic and I start to think bout if the b!tch will make me a sandwich... what i'm tryin to say is no matter how sweet foreplay is there comes a point lets say bout chapter 4 where it's too much and I just want someone to get fvvcked already! I dunno how EL James feels bout foreplay but I reckon her dude must be blue in the balls! B!tch can't get enough! She's been moving her dumb chess pieces round for 5 chapters now and i'm thinking surely EL James the time has come now for the bishop to mount the horse! The itinerary as I see it is childishly simple: Page 1 quick helicopter ride to see this thing that apparently she's got to see before he knobs her, I still dunno what it is, I'm thinking the decaying corpse of his last girlfriend or something. Page 2 sign the sex contract. Page 3 cowgirl! Page 4 reverse cowgirl! Page 5 doggy! Page 6 piledriver! Page 7 rear entry! Then break out the hacksaws and sh!t can get real! It don't seem to be going down quite that way at first. EL James seems to think I ain't had quite enough of boring conversations yet. She'd be wrong bout that, but what you gonna do. Here is the virgin and the stalker chattin bout music. This is demonstrating their compatibilities! GREYS: My tastes is eclectic. I love everything from Thomas Tallis to Kings of Leon. VIRGINS: Oh me too! What an amazing coincidence! I love Kings of Leon too! GREYS: Do you know who Thomas Tallis is? VIRGINS: No. GREYS: Then how is that same you dumb fvvck! He don't say that last bit, he “turns and gazes at me briefly” but I can tell what he's thinking! One other thing that's happening is dude is getting business calls. That's fair enough dude's a businessman. Thing is tho cos b!tch is loving his every utterance she's reporting these calls to me verbatim and cos she's hearing only his side of the conversations it's all a bit meh! “They want two?... How much will that cost?... Okay and what safety measures do they have in place?... How safe is Ben Sudan?... And when do they arrive in Darfur?” I DON'T GIVE A FVVCK! She goes back to her house and we find Katherine “Kate” Kavenagh has just knobbed Christian Grey's brother. I know what your thinking, that seems a bit random! It is. I'm mostly annoyed it happened off screen though. Just my fvvcking luck! I should have mentioned that he rocked up at the Weatherspoons that night with Cryptic Gay when they was cock-blocking Jose. The brothers name is Elliot, but other than that we know literally nothing bout him. I'm quite happy for it to stay like that. Katherine “Kate” Kavenagh helps the virgin get ready for going to Seattle in Christian Grey's helicopter. She shaves the virgins legs and underarms. B!tch finds this unpleasant, but “Kate assures me it is what men expect nowadays.” Whadaya know... another thing the virgin ain't never done before! They fly out to his gaff in Seattle. There are pages and pages of descriptions of his sofa and his oven and his fireplace and his table and his walls and his doorways. Guess what? I don't give a fvvck! He comes back with the sex contract thing and b!tch signs it without reading. This disappoints me! First think in the cvvnts house I'm interested in and b!tch don't bother describing it! Chapter ends. They still ain't fvvcked. I've had enough of this sh!t. I'm hung over and I'm bored and all these dumb conversations is giving me a headache. You should have heard them talking in the helicopter. He was all “yes this is an EC135 Eurocopter. One of the safest in it's class. It's equipped for night flight. When you fly at night, you fly blind. You have to trust the instrumentation.” Seriously dude, shut up already bout your dumb helicopter! I miss Jose. I wish I could read 50 Shades of Jose instead. That dude knew what he wanted!

I'm going out in a minute, I'm specifically on the prowl for chubby virgins tonight! Watch out chubby virgins of Birmingham! That said as Mr Grey ain't yet educated me how to seal the deal i may have to employ "The Jose". Hey babyface would you care for a margheritta? No? How bout a finger-bang? No? Well you're getting one anyways!

50 Shades of Grey: Chapter 5 B!tch wakes up in Christian Grey's bedroom. Someone has removed her pants. This happens a lot on tv and in movies, and I always think it's odd. They act like it's perfectly moral behaviours, like the dude is demonstrating his sensitive and caring nurturing side by sliding off her underwears. Oh yeah well i had to do that, it's physically impossible to sleep while still wearing pants! I ain't buying that, it's the pervy act of a sexual predator! All joking aside, when I encounter an unconscious girl the first thing I'm doing is not sliding off her trousers, and if i did it wouldn't be cos i'm worried bout sleep patterns! He ain't raped the virgin yet tho, far as i can tell. I mean there's no mention of blood all over the sheets, but then i spose he'd know better than to rape a virgin in his own bed. I always put newspaper down first. You can't tell me he didn't mess with her a bit tho. As he rightly points out when she acts a bit annoyed bout it, she was either getting fingered by Jose or by him. Either way, b!tch is getting fingered. I ain't completely on board with the morality of this argument, but she seems to accept it and acts all grateful. If anything he is mostly telling her off now. I ain't sure exactly why. Possibly amongst the things she ain't never done before is a bit of personal grooming. Dude has probably been coughing up pubes all morning. "If you were mine," he advises her, "you wouldn't be able to sit down for a week." Lol. This is what they call foreshadowing! He let's her use his shower now. He don't even go in to watch. This is a mistake! Not from a perving point of view but when b!tches is in your bathroom they immediately start rooting through your cabinets and using your toothbrush and stuff. You can't trust b!tches! When she comes out he's bringing her breakfast. He's being a bit of a cvvnt about it actually. B!tch only just got roofied last night she probably just wants coffee and bed but he's like "Finish your breakfast" and she's like no I can't and he's like "Eat what's on your plate." Or you won't sit right for a week. I've heard bout these dudes before. Feeders. She's now flat out asking him to give her one. He's like oh no I can't do that, not until I have your consent in writing. Lol that's classic! I'm gonna try that on some b!tches of my own! I'll be like if you could just sign here, and notarise here, this bit says I'm going balls deep in your bumhole, this bit says my brother can watch. They're arranging it so he has to show her something before she signs the sex contract. Fvvck knows what. It's obviously something more serious than his knob. He's gonna pick her up tonight in his fvvcking helicopter, but now she's got to do one so he can buy some spare bedsheets. He gives her a tongueing on the way down in the elevator. "You've brushed your teeth," he observes. "Oh yeah, I used your toothbrush." B!tch!

I get it! Against the likes of Stoke and Wigan where we ain't selling out the extra seats, we'll offer them up to the away massive.

Word? I was only wondering if DP was Dubai Phil or Double Penetration! B!tches is always claiming to be short in the cellar for Double Penetration! No seriously guys... you'll have to take it in turns...

#doublepenetration

Maybe it's all the sexual tension in here since we had our first female poster... but I'm up for it! I like how she drops her estrogen bomb and fvvcks off tho! I'd like to see her face when she logs back on and reads all bout Bletch and Frank giving each other verbal handjobs! I'm worried this might put her off sharing the details tho and I really want to see a new thread coming up bout "suewhistles night of shame"

I know right! Is you struggling to follow the flow of their conversations? I ain't even sure if they're agreeing or disagreeing!

Seconded! I am not going to change my t-shirt till MLG posts in muppet shows. Also if he is coming to play round our house we will also be his homies and me and Tokyos will back him up when he's next getting sweaty with turkish bout stadiums or whatever.

Did pap put you up to this homie?

Jury's still out on that one zepster! My investigations of the text so far is only revealing that she thinks herself skinny! The rumours that she is a massive porker is coming mainly from Tokyo's b!tches on facebooks, and possibly inferred from the fact that no-one is bothering to nail her as yet!

50 Shades of Grey: Chapter 4 He don't kiss her. Smart move in my opinion, b!tch is mental. If he was reading her internal monologues like I'm reading her internal monologues he'd push her back over and peg it. "Thank you for saving me," she says now. He seems confused by this. I don't blame him, I'm confused too. I had to read back a bit to find that when she tripped over just now she very nearly fell in the road and got run over... by a cyclist. Oh yeah thanks for saving me, if it weren't for your superior periphial vision i might have got a skinned knee. "I shudder to think what could have happened to you," he replies clearly taking the p!ss. I'm starting to like this guy! He then dumps her back off at her car and he goes happily off on his day buying nipple clamps or whatever, whereas she gets in her car ("Wanda" FFS) and immediately bursts into tears. This pretty much demonstrates the difference between bro's and ho's. B!tches is mental! She then spends the next 10 pages agonising over this situation. She is saying dumb stuff like What was I thinking? Why am I crying? Why don't he like me? I dunno why she's asking me, I'm only reading the ****ing thing i ain't sposed to be an active participant. Besides which, I really don't give a fvvck! "Am I too skinny?" she wonders. I dunno virgin, but I'm pretty sure that ain't it. There's now one of them time jump things I think it's only a couple of days and we find she's finishing her final exams. B!tch decides to go out and get hammered, and I'm not completely surprised to learn that "I've never been drunk before." I'm starting to wonder bout this virgin! There seems to be an awful lot of things she ain't never done before. I'd think she were Muslim if she hadn't wolfed down a ham sandwich in chapter 2. I dunno how you feel about rape. I've always been against it personally. It's one of them things in society what ain't technically illegal but are frowned upon, like picking your nose and wiping it on a train seat. But you've got to admit in her dealings with Jose this b!tch has been asking for it! They're all at the bar that night, the virgin, Katherine "Kate" Kavenagh, Jose, probably cvvnt Travis and a few other new characters i can't even be bothered to mention. Jose is buying pitchers of Margherittas. This surprises me, if he's planning to roofie the virgin he'd be better off with individual drinks. So the virgin gets proper hammered and then she goes outside for some fresh air. Jose follows her... I'm getting a bit excited now! I can see where this is goings! He rams her up against the wall and he's all kissing on her face, I don't mind admitting I'm getting a bit hard! I'm way ahead of the plot now, I'm picturing the lift of the skirt, the rough pull aside of the panties... I bet that's another thing you ain't done virgin! "In all my 21 years no-one ever finger-banged me in a Weatherspoon car park". "I think the lady said no," a voice in the dark says quietly. It's bleeding Christian Grey come to perform the ultimate cock-block! She's like how did you find me and he's like oh I tracked your phone like that's fvvcking normal. Whatever. They have one of their long boring conversations, they go back in the bar and then the virgin abruptly passes out. Huh. Maybe Jose did spike her drink after all.