rallyboy

I recently helped a Nigerian prince who is trying to access his bank accounts and needed my assistance with some bank fees.

It's cool. In 1970 you'd struggle to identify a gay player, but these days most players look a little bit too keen on hair product and grooming so I wouldn't be surprised nor worried about anyone. Some are so camp we knew before they did.

I spent the morning supporting my wife as she ran the streets of portsmouth. I amused myself as always by shouting 'red army' at those wearing Saints home, away or foundation shirts. Ewan Thomas even waved back - and a tired man in the current away kit looked visibly motivated by the whole shouting experience.

They have accounts?? Now that is news. Do they ever show them to people?

That's equal top, once you take into account pluckiness and trophies won when Bruce Forsyth was in nappies - the first time round.

With Cook at the helm I expect them to go up - but they do display the ability to have an off day so a trip to the play-offs could be troublesome...

Injury time equaliser.... Ouch, I bet that hurt.

Let's just hope that Nortei Nortey goes out with Nathan Dyer in pompey one night. Those headlines will write themselves.

Federici instead of Kelvin?? Really? The sensible debate ends right there, nestled in the corner of Bournemouth's gaping and unattended goal.

we have a keeper problem, we need to get a reliable one in like other clubs do. Someone like Guzan or Boruc, maybe even Federici, he's looks good the last couple of times I've seen him.

If I had to guess I would say the fading away in the second half had to be connected to international duty. Individual errors, sloppiness, tiredness, we were Team Jetlag. Mane played like he'd just walked back from Algeria with a fridge on his back. When the summer meltdown returns and everyone wants our players, let's just dig out the video of Leicester at home and see how keen they are then.

Was that photo taken on a ScooterCam?

That's odd, I heard that he was signing for Palace two months ago as part of our annual meltdown firesale. I guess the tabloids must have made that up.

The team shouldn't be his problem for at least one game. His response to the fine surely must trigger the stadium ban? And as for putting a microphone under his nose when he's pressured, it's his job. He is contractually obliged to do interviews, for which TV pays big money. If he cannot do them professionally he should get a job that he can cope with.

While I think they should have dropped your Dad a line, I'd just call it inefficient generosity. If they were fatally corporate he wouldn't have seen a penny back and would have been pointed towards the terms and conditions. I wish him well, hopefully Dave Merrington and big Adam's excited tones will keep him in touch with the action.

A legal requirement??! With a history of presenting false accounts to the High Court, lying to the FA, non-existent owners, money-laundering and pension embezzlement - good luck introducing legal requirements as an idea down there!

I suspect Wales' rugby team will also be distracted by having such a big game stealing their limelight on the same day as their little gig, it'll need a strong League Two ref to handle the massivest sporting occasion of the day. As an aside, I asked a Man Utd fan this week if he knew which club claimed on official sales literature to have the best atmosphere in world football... After about fifty guesses covering anything from Scotland to Brazil and even Germany he didn't get the answer - but he did laugh out loud and released some wee when I told him.

Seems like a good plan, what could possibly go wrong? How long before one of Portsea island's leading financial experts pops up with a theory that we are so far in debt that the club is likely to go pop at any moment? Now where did I put that pamphlet on how to explain the difference between servicing debt and insolvent trading to people who don't want to hear it and who can't grasp simple economics....

£25m? Is that the deposit? You can have Shane Long for that.

What a great night for Davis! What a great week for him!! Excellent.

Nah, they're just deluded.

Mero, occasionally grounded, but still capable of the odd Ho moment. Meanwhile in the news today.... The Trust are now exploring the option of a golden share, which could be used to veto any potential sale should the group fall below a 10 per cent ownership stake in Pompey. Have they finally realised that they need external funding to progress or are they just worried about erosion of shareholding? I'm not sure any potential buyers will be too impressed with a 10% shareholder demanding that they jump through hoops. The eternal problem - they want to own it, but want someone else to fund it.

So is his defence, a rape took place while he was also having sex with her, but he had been given the okay before she passed out, whereas his mate, who he allowed to join in, hadn't been granted permission? If that's the case, maybe he can walk free with his reputation intact.

I don't know yet how good he is, but he certainly looks good enough to have kept Brendan Rodgers in work for a while longer had he been a bit sharper in the transfer window. How come we keep digging up gems that other clubs miss? Or do we work with players on strengths and weaknesses better than other clubs do? Either way it works for me.

They do seem to be establishing a culture of booing...which is a bit out of order when it's 0-0. Perhaps they are starting to realise that they are about as special as Mourinho - your own self-congratulatory hype only carries you so far. It may one day dawn on them that the real heroes of world football are fans of struggling clubs like Sunderland and Newcastle who pay top dollar to watch sh!te, but turn up in numbers for ALL games, not just when they are playing Southampton.