Upwind

I think some of the stuff he has done on A League of Their Own and the couple of bits he has done for Children in Need were pretty funny. I like the fact that he is quite self depricating and able to poke fun at anyone/ everyone - it's quite refreshing. OK, he can come across as a bit smug, but that doesn't put me off him... The fact that he can sing (reasonably), act, produce, write and present material displays that he has some talent............ IMO

See................... solo career planned... http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3014228/Zayn-Malik-confirms-embark-solo-career-leaving-One-Direction-normal-22-year-old-spotlight.html At least he is not lost to us all forever.................Bearsy will be relieved...

Does an article for OK magazine informing the world of his new found contentment Announces plans to wed his current showbiz girlfriend Get married and sell photo’s to OK magazine of the big day Attempts a solo album of new material (written for him by Gary Barlow) Gets caught taking drugs and drinking to excess Cheats on his new wife and announces a trial separation Attempts a second solo album after the first was semi-successful Second solo album flunks badly More drugs and drinking – puts on weight Goes into rehab for drink and drugs addiction. Comes out of rehab and says he is a new man Gets back with wife declaring his love Declares comeback tour with One Direction begin cycle.........

On the subject of old school's - I wonder if anyone has ever tried this...? It's a website that holds the largest School Photograph Database in the World. Not always successful, but worth a flutter if you fancy... only took 3 minutes http://worldschoolphotographs.com/pages/wsp.php

A friend has just bought a house with period features. I bet he doesn't call her that to her face though....

JC decided he wanted to spend 3 hours in the pub after the days shooting - which meant he was 3 hours late back to the hotel - which is why there was no hot food..... No shock he was drunk - he has the look of a man whose been on a session or two....

That's Life was the biggest programme in the world and a massive money maker............. you sure... I think Claxson will leave and they will replace him with some other arrogant, half witted, northern oaf... Come to think of it, I wonder what John Prescott's doing. Tick's all of the above boxes and likes his cars aswell....... and he already has the gut that Claxson is currently developing. Issue Sorted...

A woman takes her sixteen year old daughter to a doctor. The doctor says, “OK, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?” The mother says, “This is my daughter Frances. She keeps getting these cravings then she gets sick most of the mornings, but somehow she is still putting on weight.” The doctor gives Frances a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but your Frances is pregnant – about four months would be my guess.” The mother replies, “Pregnant!?! She can’t be. She has never had sex, or even been left alone with a man! Frances?” Frances says, “No mother, I’ve never even kissed a man.” The doctor walks to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and the mother asks impatiently, “Is there something wrong out there, Doctor?” The doctor replies, “No, nothing wrong. It’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I’ll be f*cked if I am going to miss it this time...

I just nipped in a Pakistani book shop & asked for the newly released book by Nigel Farage. The guy behind the counter said....... "Fook off & don't come back" I said, "That's the one, how much?"

Disappointed with the use of 'stationary' in the facebook post quoted in that article. ............. stationery if you please you norvern monkey..

Sooty has been arrested for sexually assaulting a minor in the late seventies!! Police also arrested Matthew Corbett; they suspect he had a hand in it.

I can't abide women's football like the majority of football fans. The trouble is that they don't 'normally' get more that a few hundred spectators (at most) for Premier League games - and of those in attendance I wouldn't mind betting that up to half of those are friends and family of the players. The problem is that not even women support women's football - and yet men get criticised for not enthusing about it........ It's extremely slow and at times an excruciating watch and the skills on show are sparse and interspersed with laughable passages of 'play' and comic keepers. I can only imagine that the prices were extremely low and there was a concession for the next 'male' England game or something to encourage attendance.

My favourite sporting event... Can't beat the drama and excitement. Think that Team Europe will do it again - really like Paul McGinley as a Captain

I accidentally swallowed some Tipp-Ex last night. Woke up with a huge correction this morning...

They Say that there's a peeping tom in almost every street nowadays. I know for a fact that it's not the girl living opposite me. She just sits in her bedroom most of the time, playing on her phone and trying on clothes.

I've just been to my local takeaway and they tipped my balti straight from the pan into my carrier bag. I complained to the manager, but he said they're not allowed to put indians in containers any more.....

Following a lot of research, the UK immigration officers have come up with the most foolproof plan ever to ensure that the immigrants to the country are culturally, economically and educationally compatible. It ensures greater harmony, seamless integration and lasting peace in the country. It's called 'The bacon sandwich test'......

Say what you will about Ryanair, but their tight fuel reserve policy guarantees a search radius of not more than 50 miles if one of their planes went missing.

Heard my neighbour ****ging for what seemed like ages last night, moaning, groaning and banging the headboard off the wall. Turns out her elderly mother had fallen and cracked her head and was knocking the wall with her walking stick looking for help....... I fell a little bit guilty about the **** I had now.

I met an older woman at a bar last night. She wasn't bad for 59, we drank and flirted a bit, then she asked if I'd ever had the 'sportsman's double', a mother and daughter threesome? I said no. We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night. I went with her back to her place. She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs: "Mom... you still awake?"

The editor of a newspaper in Wales was having a slow news day so he sent a junior reporter to a local villiage deep in the heart of Wales He decided to go to the Miner's Welfare Club and pick up some stories about mining He meets with Dai Evens, a 68 year old retired miner and talks about the old mining days. His conversation is interupted after 20 mins when the door opens and in walks Albert Smith, an elderly Englishman and also ex miner......... as Albert enters all the room stands up and applauds and a pint is thrust into his hand. Confused the report ask's why an Englishman in a traditional welsh village got a standing ovation and free beer? Dai informs him that the guy was the hero of a mining disaster some years before. The reporter is intrigued and thinking there may be a good story here, he ask's what happened. Dai explains that it happened 20 years ago when a mine collapsed and that Albert had saved 70 lives. How, enquired the reporter? Well said Dai, he held the roof of the mine up with his head for 2 hours and that is why he has got a flat head... Wow say's the reporter that's very brave of him... He looks and nods in the Englishman's direction and asks; Why has he got cauliflower ears Dai - did he play rugby also? No said Dai - thats where we knocked him into position...

The story becomes erotic bestiality but told in beautiful snippets of prose as, "The weather was like silk on her skin." Yet truth be told Lou enjoyed cunnilingus with the bear, whom she simply calls BEAR. On p119 Lou says, "They lived sweetly and intensely together. She knew that her flesh, her hair, her teeth and her fingernails smelled of bear, and this smell was sweet to her."

It's Friday and I'm bored.................. A father sends his young son to bed..... Five minutes later.... "Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?" "No. You had your chance.... Lights out." Five minutes later..... "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I please have a drink of water??" "I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you..!!...." Five minutes later...... "Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

What do you call an elephant you're ignoring...... Irrelephant.

Love Edinburgh and have loads of 'ethnic' relatives up there - mainly around Musselburgh and to the west. I would love to live in the city. I'll be up there again in August for the festival - now a regular on my calendar. Have also been up there for the jazz festival in July - even though I'm not a great fan of the genre. Would also recommend the Grassmarket during the six nations, if you like your egg chasing - great atmosphere...