Lighthouse

That was the last game of the season, we were relegated before that. I was there, we were 1-0 up with 15 minutes left, then brought on Lancashire and lost 3-1. We all joined in the singing with the Forest fans, everyone was just sick of our football by then.

Genuinely more excited and willing Liverpool to score than I was for Saints today.

It’s okay, we just need to think of some new, off the field categories as a distraction. Player with the crappest tattoos Player with the tackiest jewellery Player with the WAG with the most Onlyfans subscribers Player with the most press super injunctions Player with the most convictions for motoring offences Player with the lowest IQ Player with the most generic post match interview cliches.

Oh Spurs….

You’ve deliberately cut the form off just after his 7 points in 4 games at the start of the season but okay. However you try and dress it up, he scored 12 points in 14 games, with a worse squad and Diallo/AMN in CM. That ratio over 34 games would be just over 29 points, one of safety. The subsequent failures are absolutely relevant. If we were sacking him to bring in a guy with fresh ideas and a decent pedigree, who can take us forwards then fine. If you think our squad is far too good to be in a relegation battle and that being in 18th is a disgrace for a collection of such talent then go ahead, sack him. If however you’re just looking at the season going, "oh no! Results bad! Sack manager!" Because that’s the default setting and what every club does to look like they’re taking action, then that’s terrible decision making.

I will say, absolutely unequivocally and without a shadow of a doubt, that replacing Ralph with Jones and then Selles was by far the worst and most undoubtedly wrong decision of the season. He would have had us in the relegation fight, no doubt about it, but we’d be around Forest, Leeds and Bournemouth, not cut adrift, 20th, relegated 10 points from safety with our record lowest points total and utterly pathetic losses in basically every game.

I like how people ignore the fact that we were 18th and only a point of safety when he was fired, without Lavia, Alcaraz, Sully and Paul, whilst simultaneously clinging to a stat which proves that Forest Green are better than Liverpool.

He would be happy to discuss a permanent contract when his Arsenal deal expires in summer, apparently. I’ll f**king bet he would.

Nope, still playing for Newcastle apparently.

Go on pornhub and search for ‘rape’.

These are just football cliches which don’t really cut it any more. Darren Powell was a brick sh*thouse CB, Paul Wotton was a tough tackling, no-nonsense midfielder. Tadic, Mané and Lallana were the ‘nimble footed types’. In fact I’d say DM/CB are the two positions in which we’ve recruited well with ABK and Lavia.

If he leaves it’ll be because somebody in the Prem clearly rates him and is willing to put their money where their mouth is. If that happens, fair play to him, why should he refuse? The players have been let down by the club more than the other way around; they’re trying their best, it’s not their fault if they are all sh*t. Hell, if Real Madrid want to sign Elyounoussi, fair play to him. Nobody owes us anything, just because we haven’t got the first clue in how to run a football club.

TBH I really wouldn’t mind seeing us lose to Forest if it helps send Everton down. Let’s just hope Leeds pull something off today and Leicester get a crushing victory on Monday.

Our last six points have taken ten games to accumulate. I can’t see us emulating that in the next two.

Boll*cks to that, I want Everton and Leicester to go down.

I'd rather Boro or Sunderland won the playoffs personally. That could be six northern teams out both ends of the league for next season, which is handy for the majority of Saints fans.

London?

TBH I think United - City makes for a much better final, as much as I would usually root for the underdog.

But that’ll be the case regardless of who goes down. If it’s a straight choice out of the current bottom teams, I’d rather Reading stayed up.

Wolves on the beach already. Come on Forest, put daylight between yourselves and Everton.

Having watched the Everton vs Newcastle game in a bar on Thursday, I’m still non the wiser as to what Goodison and Everton fans have that we don’t. The place practically emptied itself in between Schar’s fantastic fifth goal and it being disallowed for offside.

For most of us though, it’d be quite handy to lose those two and either Udders or Rotherham. Anything to keep us off the M1 and M6 as much as possible.

I think we’ll go with the classic T20 power play formation, every man in a tight midfield circle, except for Perraud at deep square leg and Adams at long off. We’ll catch them by surprise, they won’t be expecting that.

Ralph actually tried mixing things around and using different tactics though. We started the season trying to make a back five work and when it didn’t reverted to a four. Selles isn’t playing the Ralph way, this is just pointless ‘please don’t get hammered’ football. I honestly think Selles will be quite happy to lose the remainder of our games one or two nil, just to escape without being embarrassed. As such he will stuff the team with pointless, hard working off the ball, recyclers like Moi and AA.

They didn’t, that’s just a lie from the mainstream media. It’s was all filmed using midgets on Ben Nevis.