A Man Crashed His Bike

[JohnnyFartPants]

True story. A man rode his bike out from a side path and his handlebars clipped the stone wall. He went over them and hit the road face first, as I stopped a few feet behind. He didn't move for a couple of seconds but as I got out and approached him he came to and was very dazed. He smashed his front teeth out and was a bit cut up. He also stunk of ale.

 

Has anyone else got any handlebars, ale, teeth type stories?

[Ponty]

I once went straight over the handlebars because I thought adjusting my rubbing brake block with my foot, whilst doing about 20mph, was a good idea. There was no ale involved and I kept my teeth so I feel I've let you down a bit.

 

I did manage to put a spoke through my foot though, which was interesting.

[Jillyanne]

Nope but I did see an old lady slip over on wet leaves in Eastleigh a few years ago, just outside KFC and she cut herself up a bit, I carried on walking as I was late back to work, still feel bad about that.

[Ponty]

What a nasty thing to do. Typical of Blair's/Brown's Britain.

[Julian H. Cope]

Nope but I did see an old lady slip over on wet leaves in Eastleigh a few years ago, just outside KFC and she cut herself up a bit, I carried on walking as I was late back to work, still feel bad about that.

 

Have Eastleigh council chopped down all the trees now.Stupid old bint.I hope she ruined her hip replacement.

[Weston Super Saint]

I once strangled a kid and had to be pulled off him by my brother, because he stuck a stick in the spokes of my sister's bike and she went over the handlebars.

[bridge too far]

On the way back from a dance group rehearsal I slipped up on some ice.

 

I was helped to my feet by a couple who must each have been about 80 years old.

 

I bruised my derriere and my dignity quite badly.

 

:oops:

[PompeyLass]

Only bike related thing is when my dad was arrested for drink driving in Pompey dockyard years ago !

 

An ex boyfriend nearly broke my back whilst trying to give me a firemans lift while ****ed, he forgot to hold onto my legs as he stood up & I went straight over & landed on my back.

[Ponty]

Sounds more like a miscalculation of mass.

[PompeyLass]

Sounds more like a miscalculation of mass.

 

Lolz. :smt110

[Junction 9]

I was once on the back of a motorbike that pulled away so fast it left me stood on the road in the same "sitting position"

Edited 14 October, 2008 by Junction 9
for pedant Ponty

[Ponty]

One what?

[Jillyanne]

One what?

 

Passenger stupid.

[Weston Super Saint]

Passenger stupid.

 

Standing in the road in a sitting position?

[Jillyanne]

Standing in the road in a sitting position?

 

Yes, he started off as a passenger on the back of a bike then became a person sitting in the road. That happened to me (the being in the road part once, although I was run over by a Rover, hate them cars now).

[Weston Super Saint]

Yes, he started off as a passenger on the back of a bike then became a person sitting in the road. That happened to me (the being in the road part once, although I was run over by a Rover, hate them cars now).

 

Silly me!

 

I thought passengers got taken somewhere :shock:

[Jillyanne]

Silly me!

 

I thought passengers got taken somewhere :shock:

 

If you are in a lift you are considered a 'passenger' if the lift breaks down you don't get taken anywhere - think outside the box WSS!!!

[Ponty]

Pillion. That is all.

[Weston Super Saint]

Pillion. That is all.

 

Is that a type of fish?

[Ponty]

No, it's a thousand billion.

[Weston Super Saint]

No, it's a thousand billion.

 

That how many fans Pompey have?

[Wiltshire Saint]

I remember coming back from a breakdancing class in the mid 1980's, on my brothers racer and I hit a brick that someone had left on the cycle track. I went over the handlebars and could not breakdance for about 3 weeks. In that time I felt alone.

[Hatch]

Has anyone else got any handlebars, ale, teeth type stories?

 

 

Last summer, came off my bike over the handlebars. I didn't want to graze my hands so I used my face.

Knocked myself out, 3 days in hospital and 22 stitches to sew my face back on.

 

It was on my wedding anniversary as well, the wife had the right hump with me.

[saint_stevo]

I watched a film called Teeth.

[Penfold]

I remember coming back from a breakdancing class in the mid 1980's, on my brothers racer and I hit a brick that someone had left on the cycle track. I went over the handlebars and could not breakdance for about 3 weeks. In that time I felt alone.

 

for some reason that made me lol

[JohnnyFartPants]

for some reason that made me lol

 

You were not alone with your chortle. Coming from that era I always believed the break dancing fraternity were all "street" trained and learnt their trade on the urban roads of Britain. I never expected them to be going to dance classes with eager mums and dads thinking they would be the next funky Wayne Sleep.

[Weston Super Saint]

Last summer, came off my bike over the handlebars. I didn't want to graze my hands so I used my face.

Knocked myself out, 3 days in hospital and 22 stitches to sew my face back on.

 

It was on my wedding anniversary as well, the wife had the right hump with me.

 

Small face.

 

Or big stitches.

[JohnnyFartPants]

Small face.

 

Or big stitches.

 

I do not think that really matters. I am just so pleased he managed to fit in so many of the TCP's in the post. Well done Hatch.

[Master Bates]

Nope but I did see an old lady slip over on wet leaves in Eastleigh a few years ago, just outside KFC and she cut herself up a bit, I carried on walking as I was late back to work, still feel bad about that.

 

You evil cow, I would have at least stopped to laugh at the silly old bint.

 

I once had teeth taken out.

[SNSUN]

I once played kiss chase with a girl at primary school (though now I actually think she was ruuning in fear at being kissed by me) when I slipped on the grass and slip forward, digging my teeth into my knee and tasting flesh. Still got the scar.

 

Does that count?

[Jillyanne]

I once played kiss chase with a girl at primary school (though now I actually think she was ruuning in fear at being kissed by me) when I slipped on the grass and slip forward, digging my teeth into my knee and tasting flesh. Still got the scar.

 

Does that count?

 

No, no bike was involved (well, apart from the girl).

[JohnnyFartPants]

I once played kiss chase with a girl at primary school (though now I actually think she was ruuning in fear at being kissed by me) when I slipped on the grass and slip forward, digging my teeth into my knee and tasting flesh. Still got the scar.

 

Does that count?

 

Can you slip handlebars into the story? Maybe you owned a bike that was at home in the shed at the time?

[SNSUN]

Can you slip handlebars into the story? Maybe you owned a bike that was at home in the shed at the time?

 

Well in a similarly related story (in that it involved me being a prat), I did try to impress a girl whilst riding a bike, hit a kerb, and went over the bars and cracked my head.

 

Combine the two.

[JohnnyFartPants]

Well in a similarly related story (in that it involved me being a prat), I did try to impress a girl whilst riding a bike, hit a kerb, and went over the bars and cracked my head.

 

Combine the two.

 

Had you had ale?

[SNSUN]

Had you had ale?

 

Well I was a mere child of about nine. It was over eager co ckiness. After that I became more inwardly and scared.

 

In all truthfulness, I remember my first pint - It was Christmas 1988 and I was 8 years old. My dad put his Stella into a tankard I got for my Christening (why give a tankard to a baby - I was doomed from the start) and there is still video footage of me drinking said beer.

 

My dad was a good parent. ;-)

[Jillyanne]

Well I was a mere child of about nine. It was over eager co ckiness. After that I became more inwardly and scared.

 

In all truthfulness, I remember my first pint - It was Christmas 1988 and I was 8 years old. My dad put his Stella into a tankard I got for my Christening (why give a tankard to a baby - I was doomed from the start) and there is still video footage of me drinking said beer.

 

My dad was a good parent. ;-)

 

Did you beat the crap out of your mum afterwards?

[SNSUN]

Did you beat the crap out of your mum afterwards?

 

No, but to this day my sister still has nightmares. Sometimes when it's late at night, I knock on her wall to freak her out.

[St Landrew]

I was once on the back of a motorbike that pulled away so fast it left me stood on the road in the same "sitting position"

 

That's been done before.

 

I once jumped over a low wall onto a path about 4 feet lower on the other side, only for the tip of my trailing foot to catch the edge. I came down directly on my head, onto the tarmac. I sat there waiting for my brains to spill out, and then gingerly touched my scalp. Not a scratch. Not even delayed concussion.

 

Bloody miracle if you ask me.

[bridge too far]

That's been done before.

 

I once jumped over a low wall onto a path about 4 feet lower on the other side, only for the tip of my trailing foot to catch the edge. I came down directly on my head, onto the tarmac. I sat there waiting for my brains to spill out, and then gingerly touched my scalp. Not a scratch. Not even delayed concussion.

 

Bloody miracle if you ask me.

 

Are you sure St L? Are you really, really sure? Sure it's not been delayed by a few years?

[St Landrew]

Are you sure St L? Are you really, really sure? Sure it's not been delayed by a few years?

 

I've been waiting for that comment ever since I first told the story. You lot are so quick..!

[Crouchie's Lawyer]

Yes:

 

1) As a wee bairn my father used to throw me up in the air and catch me again. I used to love it, the feeling of adrenalin as I was hurteling back down to earth must have been immense as a 1 year old. Anyway, he was throwing me up in the air one early summers evening when my Mum called out to say it was dinner time. My Dad said "one more go and we will be in" so he threw me up in the air and waited to catch me. After a few seconds (the amount of time it would take for a baby to return to earth from a throw in the air) he realised I was not back in his arms so looked up to see me hanging from the washing line from my two front teeth. I had to go to the hospital where my teeth were hanging on, litterally by a thread of skin. The Dr just pushed my teeth back into position and said it should be fine.

 

My teeth probably would have been fine had it not been for

 

2) As a youthful chappy, my parents decided I should learn to defend myself, incase a nasty stanger offered me sweets and tried to bum me down an alleyway so enrolled me into a Judo class. I had been Judo'ing for a few years and was quite a kick ass student, beating all my opponents in tourno's I entered (even kicked a girls ass and made her cry - go me!) Anyway, one day at practise I was partnered with someone of similar ability (he wasnt as good as me) and we were given instructions on a move to practise. As this Judo class had become increasingly popular over the last few weeks, a lot of the stuff we were being shown was repeatative and basic level which did not interest us hardcore Judo fighters. So we decided to keep us interested by playing a game of chicken. This involved person (a) sitting above person (b) who was lying flat on the mat and person (a) would throw all their weight, elbow's first, toward person (b)'s face. The idea was that if person (b) flinched in anyway before the elbows were parted each side of their face, person (a) would win. I was person (b). Person (a) forgot to seperate their elbows just before contact with my face and proceeded to smash my two front teeth straight out. There was blood all over the white judo mat and I consequently lost my baby teeth.

 

When my big boys teeth came through, the front two were at such an angle, they were nearly sideways. After all these years, they are still not straight (who wants to wear a brace?!) but are a lot better and not noticable.

 

3) My third and final chapter in this epic novel is a tale similar to SNSUN's about impressing the female species. I tried to impress two girls who were parked in a car waiting for their mum outside my house when I was a little laddy. I was on my Mongoose bike and sped up the road, thinking what would be mightily impressive would be to do a nice 90 degree skid right infront of their car on my drive (chicks dig that sh*t). So I zoomed up the road and began my return journey, building up one hell of a speed. I got to the skid zone and slammed what I thought was the rear brake on. My Mongoose had reversed brakes (so the back was the front and vice versa) and I had forgot this having been recently riding my other bike. I hit the front brake, flipped over the front handlebars and landed right on my back. Thought it wasnt all that bad and that all that had been hurt was my pride until I opened my eyes to see my bike following me down to earth. It smacked me in the face and I proceeded to run in crying like a girl to my mummy infront of teh girls I was trying to impress!

 

4) I drink ale when I go out.

 

The end

[Jillyanne]

my parents decided I should learn to defend myself, incase a nasty stanger offered me sweets and tried to bum me down an alleyway

 

Nasty bastards those stangers.

[St Landrew]

Yes:

 

1) As a wee bairn...

 

The end

 

Quite an entertaining read, that.

[EastleighSoulBoy]

No, it's a thousand billion.

 

If that's true then how many is a Brazilian?

[hamster]

A few years ago, my Nan was walking past Kentucky Fried Chicken in Eastleigh, after collecting her pension.

 

Some selfish ***** pushed past her, knocking her to the floor. The wicked, evil cow who did it just carried on walking, but did look over her shoulder muttering something about being late for work, and something about the "stupid old cow not looking where she was going"!

 

My Nan lost quite a lot of blood that day, suffered a broken hip, and broke her dentures. She had to stay in hospital for 2 months and was far too terrified to venture into Eastleigh ever again.

 

Months later, she remembered that she had left her bike outside the library that day, and got upset again.

 

Sadly, my Nan has passed away now.

[Weston Super Saint]

A few years ago, my Nan was walking past Kentucky Fried Chicken in Eastleigh, after collecting her pension.

 

Some selfish ***** pushed past her, knocking her to the floor. The wicked, evil cow who did it just carried on walking, but did look over her shoulder muttering something about being late for work, and something about the "stupid old cow not looking where she was going"!

 

My Nan lost quite a lot of blood that day, suffered a broken hip, and broke her dentures. She had to stay in hospital for 2 months and was far too terrified to venture into Eastleigh ever again.

 

Months later, she remembered that she had left her bike outside the library that day, and got upset again.

 

Sadly, my Nan has passed away now.

 

If only we could find out who the lady was....

[hamster]

If only we could find out who the lady was....

The lady was my Nan, I think I made that very clear.

 

PS

If it was your Nan, and years later you found the person who did it, what would you do to them?

[Weston Super Saint]

The lady was my Nan, I think I made that very clear.

 

PS

If it was your Nan, and years later you found the person who did it, what would you do to them?

 

Have you ever seen Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels?

[Ponty]

Have you ever seen Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels?

You'd cast them in a sh!tty film?

[Weston Super Saint]

You'd cast them in a sh!tty film?

 

I'd burn their toes like Kenny does :cool: